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Happy Hour: Gentle Strength of Compassion with Quan Yin

Welcome again. Welcome to Happy Hour. For today's practice, what I'd like to invite us to explore is self-metta^[1] and self-compassion. We can never have enough self-metta, self-compassion, self-care, and self-kindness. Having goodwill and friendliness for this being that is you is essential.

Compassion and metta are actually two different practices, and I'll talk about them in a moment. For ourselves, friendliness is the foundation of metta and compassion for all other beings. When we fill our own cup with our own care and friendliness for ourselves, we don't need it from others. We don't expect it from others. There's not this neediness in the mind to be cared for. There's a sense of contentment, self-sufficiency perhaps—or more of a sense of settling. Settling in ourselves, in our bodies, and in our hearts.

There's a sense of settling that allows us then to support and actually serve others. If you imagine an empty cup of tea, once we've filled our own cup and our heart is overflowing, from that overflowing cup, we can then fill other people's cups. So, we always start with compassion, with friendliness, and with cultivating goodwill for ourselves.

We must also acknowledge that it is challenging for many of us. It is a challenging practice. It's probably easier to be compassionate and have metta for others than to cultivate it for ourselves. So we use skillful means^[2], different creative ways into this practice. Instead of just jumping in and saying, "Okay, start having compassion for yourself," we use skillful means.

Tonight, one of the skillful means that I'd like to invite us to explore and work with is using the image and the felt sense of Quan Yin^[3]. Many of you might already be familiar with Quan Yin, who is considered to be the bodhisattva^[4] of compassion. She is the ultimate paragon of compassion, a personification of complete love and compassion without any expectations.

Usually, statues of Quan Yin depict her in female form. She is often depicted sitting in a regal resting posture, sitting with one arm resting on the floor and one leg propped up, with the other arm resting on her knee. She listens to all the cries of the world—the ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows. She listens with equanimity^[5], holding everything deeply with a complete sense of compassion and care for everyone. It is unbounded and completely unconditional.

So, we will evoke and invite this image. When I say "the image," it could be any image in your mind. You could be imagining a being of light, you could be imagining Mother Teresa, or if you have an image of Quan Yin, you can imagine her. The goal is the embodiment of unconditional love and unconditional compassion. If that being was your mother or your grandmother, bring up this sense of being held with complete, unconditional regard and love. They care for you and hold you no matter what. If your own biological mother or grandmother did not embody that, don't go there. Imagine Quan Yin as your hypothetical, virtual, or universal compassionate mother.

You need to have some creativity. If you go down any road and realize, "That doesn't work for me," you don't have to stay there. Be creative and see how you can use this skillful means to make these invitations work for you.

Guided Meditation

Let's do it. I have talked a lot, so let's get into the meditation. I'd like to invite you now to get into your meditation posture. If you need to sit up a little straighter, or if you need to relax, maybe you need to lie down. See what your body needs in this moment.

Landing, relaxing, softening. Inviting the breath to massage your body from the inside. Feel the breath being received in the abdomen, in the chest, and throughout the whole body. Relaxing, softening, massaging every muscle.

If you notice thoughts arising, it's okay. It's part of this practice. Just notice and become aware of what the thoughts are. Smile at them, thank them perhaps, and maybe gently tell them, "Thank you, but not now. Please come back later. Right now, I'm settling for a moment of refuge, cultivating this practice of metta and compassion. So please come back later."

Come back smilingly, without any judgment, to the body and the breath. Just receive each breath, one breath at a time. Settle for a few minutes before we embark on the cultivation practice.

Receive each in-breath and out-breath in the whole body: the abdomen, the chest, the legs, the arms, the head. The whole body breathing. Feeling grounded, settled, and connected to the earth.

Now, I'd like to invite you, if you wish, to conjure up and invite in this embodiment. Bring up this sense of Quan Yin, the bodhisattva of compassion, however she wants to show up for you. Whether as Quan Yin or some other image of a being, let the archetype of complete, unconditional love and compassion show up for you.

Whatever image or vision comes up for you, this being is completely loving and unconditionally compassionate. This being holds you with kindness and looks at you with caring eyes. They are strong and capable; they are not weak. They are strong and loving in their presence.

Let's imagine they know everything about your life. They know about all the challenges you've had, your wholesome intentions, the mistakes you've made, and the things that are difficult for you. They know your whole life story. Not only do they know your life story, but they also appreciate and see all the causes and conditions, far beyond your own life, that have led to the challenges or the beauty. They have a bigger picture than you have access to.

With their unconditionally unbounded loving heart, they care for you. They love you no matter what. There is nothing you have to do to deserve it; it is just offered to you. Let yourself receive this unconditional metta, goodwill, love, friendliness—whatever nuance works for you. Be creative. This being of compassion looks at you with kind eyes and a loving, completely understanding gaze.

Now, I'd like to ask you to consider something that you're having a challenge with right now in your life. It may not be the most challenging thing, but something that is causing some suffering, pain, or difficulty. As you bring this up, share it with Quan Yin, either in words or perhaps with a gesture. As you bring it up, they understand. They fully know, and they hold it with you.

Maybe you offer it up and put it on their lap. Here is my challenge. I put it on your lap, dear Quan Yin. They respect it. They hold this challenge with you. Your weight is lighter because they are holding it with you compassionately, without judging you for it. They understand all the causes and conditions, above and beyond your unique time and space, that have made this come to be.

As you receive this, let yourself be held with compassion and care in the face of this difficulty. Notice feeling supported and your heart being held. Maybe you feel more embodied, more resilient, more grounded, and more stable. Let your heart resonate with this beautiful, complete, loving resonance of the unconditionally compassionate being. Let your heart be touched and held.

If you find a lot of discursive thinking arising, let it go and come back to the body and the breath. Return to the warmth of being held in this precious, limited time by the compassionate being Quan Yin. Held, understood, strengthened, and soothed. See what is needed.

Quan Yin is holding presence for you, and you are holding presence for Quan Yin. The compassion, the beauty, and the grace of Quan Yin are waking up your own compassion, your own divinity, and your own beauty.

Stay embodied and grounded with the breath and the sensations of the body. Breathe and feel yourself gazed upon and held by the archetype of compassion—this embodiment of unconditional love and care. It is waking up your own compassion, your own care, and your own beauty. Maybe in this, you feel a sense of gentle, warm, loving strength holding the challenge that you placed on Quan Yin's lap.

For the last moments of this practice period together, just as Quan Yin holds you with complete understanding, hold yourself with care. Have appreciation for whatever this period of practice was, without attachment to the outcome. Whether you were sleepy or a lot of thoughts came up, it doesn't matter. No judgment. You sat, you tried, and you planted seeds. That's the best any of us can expect to do: planting wholesome seeds. Thank yourself for showing up for yourself, however and whatever was available to you today.

[bell]

Thank you all for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

I'd like to ask you if you would like to share a reflection. You can type a word or a phrase in the chat about what might be coming up for you right now.

The phrase that comes up for me is "gentle strength." What is the word that comes up for you right now from this incarnation of the practice? You're welcome to share, or you can unmute yourself and share a reflection or a question.

Bill offers, "Acceptance." And Prajna offers, "Moved by the great vows of Quan Yin." Yes, thank you, Prajna. Neil offers, "Filled with love."

Acceptance, moved by the great vows of Quan Yin, filled with love. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your reflections.

Someone saw that everything is welcome. Your thoughts—if your mind was filled with thoughts, that's welcome too. Let's hold that. Let's put that on the lap of Quan Yin and hold that with compassion.

Trudy has a Quan Yin statue to show. Oh, yes! Thank you, Trudy. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. There was one statue that I actually really like, and when you go into groups I'll try to find the image of that. I just remembered it; it's really beautiful and I'll conjure that up.

Someone asks, "How do you spell Quan Yin?" There are different ways to spell it, but one way I'll put in the chat is Q-U-A-N Y-I-N.

Maria says, "Sadness that Quan Yin is not a real person in my life." Yes. And how wonderful that we can conjure her up in our imagination. As human beings, we have so much capacity to imagine and to access this capacity of love. Thank you Vicki for offering all these different spellings of Quan Yin in the chat.

Sher offers, "Having her in mind gave my practice more awareness and a presence of being witnessed. I felt supported by the gentle strength too." Beautiful. Thank you for that reflection.

Mary Christine offers, "I began to cry as I brought up the difficult situation, so I had to focus on the breath instead." Thank you for sharing that, Mary Christine. I think that's very skillful. Sometimes when a difficult situation feels overwhelming, coming back to stabilizing in the body is very wise. That is the practice of titration. Also, sometimes it might be skillful—and you can experiment with this to see what works—to actually put the tears on the lap of Quan Yin. Let her cry with you and hold you with compassion. You can try that. There are so many different ways to work with it.

Susan offers, "I connected with intention and more ease and strength." Lovely.

I really like this practice of evoking. There are so many different ways to evoke Quan Yin and the practice of compassion. One practice is just throughout the day, when challenges come up, you offer it up to be put on the lap of Quan Yin. You imagine it being held by her, so you're not carrying it alone. See what works for you.

A question comes in: "What is titration?" Titration is spelled T-I-T-R-A-T-I-O-N. To titrate basically means you decide when something is too much and you back off. When you feel, "Okay, now I can extend my capacity," then you extend your capacity. Knowing what your limit is. If you can stay with something, you stay with it. When it seems overwhelming, you step back and are gentle with yourself. Just as Mary Christine was sharing, when it became too difficult to be with, going back to the breath was a way of titrating and deciding to lighten up a little bit.

Another question comes up: "Is Quan Yin a nun?" She is a bodhisattva. She's a mythical figure. So she was not a nun in the same historical way that Patacara^[6] was, for example.

Are there any other questions or reflections? You're welcome to unmute yourself. Questions, complaints, and problems are fine too. This may not be an easy practice for us, which is okay. That's why it's a cultivation practice. We keep cultivating, little by little, planting seeds.

Participant: One thing that came to mind when you first introduced the topic, Nikki, is that Quan Yin exists in different gender forms and different cultural forms among different types of Buddhism. For me, one of the other forms really works well as an imaginary compassionate being. If people are looking up artwork or statues, there's a whole range of possibilities.

Nikki: Right! Thank you, Erica. Since Quan Yin is a mythical figure, whatever works for you is the wise one to use. As I mentioned earlier, what could work for you might be a being of light, the Buddha, Jesus, Mother Mary, or anyone else. Tonight we're mostly working with Quan Yin, but you are right to bring up that there are other deities with different gendered or ungendered personifications. It's skillful means. Quan Yin has a different flavor for me than a being of light does, or imagining a loved one who has passed away. Just use whatever works and be creative.

Small Group Exercise

This is a good time to transition. Here is what I am going to suggest for tonight's practice in small groups. This is going to be fun! You are showing up to your group as Quan Yin. Quan Yin, or whichever personification you chose, has just entered you. They're looking out of your eyes with complete compassion for yourself and for the other two people in the group.

So, three compassionate beings are going to meet in this group. You might briefly talk about your practice, or you might just sit with each other, smile, and hold each other with compassion and care. We are going to create this imaginary space to see how that might bring up a sense of care, love, and stability for you. If there is any sense of social anxiety, remember that you're showing up as Quan Yin.

Please take a moment and do some improv. Your compassionate being is now embodying you and completely filling you out. Looking out of your eyes at the images of the beings on the screen. Can you feel how that has a different flavor to it? It can bring up the resonance of your own compassion. You're looking at these people through the eyes of Quan Yin. They are human beings just like you, and Quan Yin loves them just the same.

Stay with this. If you decide that participating tonight in groups is not right for you, that is perfectly fine. No judgment. But I hope you stay and try this experiment. Where else can you experiment with something as awesome as this? I'm going to create the rooms now. Stay embodied and feel what it feels like to be Quan Yin.

Returning from Small Groups

Welcome back, everyone. While you were away, I put up an image of a Quan Yin statue in the royal repose pose that I was trying to describe earlier. There are many different iconographies, but this is one I like.

We have time for just one reflection. I'm curious, what was it like to feel like you were showing up as a compassionate being looking at other people? Did that move something for you?

Participant: I thought that pose was really awesome. The one that you showed reminded me of a book called The Way of the Bodhisattva^[7]. It is just so aspirational. May I even say, badass? I really liked that.

Nikki: Great, I'm glad that this iconography really works for you. Anything from the groups with this instruction tonight?

Participant: One of the members of the group I was in said something I thought was really inspiring. She said that being able to imagine being in the presence of Quan Yin actually made her more confident. Just having that presence was really inspiring.

Nikki: Lovely! Thank you for bringing that in. It is a sense of gentle strength that we can borrow. Beautifully said.

Thank you all. We could talk and practice with this for much longer, but it is time. Let's bring our time together to a close. Thank you all for your practice, and for showing up for yourself and for everyone. May you all be well. May you all be happy. May you all be free, and all beings everywhere.

[bell]

Thank you. Take care. Goodbye!