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Guided Meditation: Balancing Energy

So good day, everyone. Happy to be here.

And this could mark the end of our second year of doing these YouTube sittings and teachings together. Thank you for these two years. I appreciate it very much, and I'll say a little bit more about that later. For now, I would like to... for this meditation, imagine that you're a passenger in a car.

You notice after a while that when the driver gets excited about the conversation you're having, the driver pushes more on the gas pedal and you go fast. Maybe somewhat faster, maybe more, and then you're comfortable. But when the conversation's not going in a good way and the driver feels challenged, or feels discouraged about something, or feels overwhelmed, or feels like they're getting bad news or something, the driver pulls their foot off the gas pedal a bit and the car slows down. And maybe it goes slower than you're comfortable with on the freeway. You see that in your trip constantly; depending on the mood, the attitude, the beliefs, or how the driver is reacting to the conversation, the pedal goes up and down and the car goes slower or faster.

We're this way as well. There are forces within us that get us to push the gas pedal on our energy, and suddenly we're energized and excited and there's lots of energy. Other times, when things happen to us, we remove the energy. We don't apply or give energy to our life, and we go slower. The energy sinks, and there's a sinking feeling. The classic language for this is a sinking mind and an excited mind.

And so in meditation, it's possible to be aware of this movement from the mind not having a vital, alive energy that keeps it going in a nice way—where the mind feels drained, subdued, numb, sluggish, or closed down—to where the mind gets hyper-aroused. It gets agitated, maybe from fear, anxiety, regrets, or some kind of restlessness. We can watch this in meditation. We can be the passenger in our own car, and mindfulness allows us a chance to see what's happening and to become sensitive to that movement of energy, from a kind of balanced energy to over-energized and under-energized.

Sometimes it can be dramatic. Some thought or feeling arises, a memory arises, and it can go one way or the other quite strongly. I've had anger arise in meditation and boy, suddenly I was like on fire with energy, just thinking about something that happened long ago.

It can be quite subtle as well, with little movements. It could be that the mind wanders off a little bit too much for your liking, and so there's a little bit of discouragement: "I can't do this, this is too hard." With that attitude, you can feel the sinking of energy, and there is less energy available to engage. As we practice, it's nice to become sensitive to the swings of energy that go on. Maybe there's always a little bit of a swing, and we can adjust for it a little bit. Simply being mindful of it is already an adjustment.

So in this meditation, perhaps you can do this.

Taking an alert posture, sitting upright, maybe lower your gaze to about 45 degrees to the floor and let your eyes become relaxed. Let your eyes become soft without looking at anything in particular. And then, if it's comfortable, gently close your eyes.

Become aware of your energy level. Become aware of how you're feeling, and how much vitality there is. Does it feel over-energized, under-energized, or just right?

Whatever way it is for these moments, it's okay. Let yourself be the way you are. Just recognize it.

Then gently take a few long, slow, deep breaths. Almost like the expanding of the body expands into your energy level. You feel into the energized body, and as you exhale, you relax the body.

Let your breathing return to normal and continue relaxing the body. There is a way of relaxing the body that simultaneously gives a kind of good energy to the mind. It is an energy which I associate with clarity—a relaxation that brings clarity.

Relaxing the face.

Relaxing the shoulders.

Softening the belly.

And then letting your breathing return to normal, notice now: how is your energy level, your vitality, or the ability to engage here and now?

Is there some quality or some way you are going about sitting here to meditate that limits the energy that's available? An attitude that this is work and you don't like to work. The attitude that it is difficult. The idea that life has been hard, and so you're overwhelmed coming here. There's a kind of giving up, letting go, or unwillingness. It could be very subtle.

Or is it more on the other side? Excited, restless, over-eager. Racing ahead, that energy of wanting or energy of aversion that keeps us charged up.

If you're under-energized, can you bring some more energy into the practice that helps bring clarity to the present moment, a clarity of seeing?

If you're over-energized, can you soften and relax?

And when it feels just right, or close enough to right, allow yourself to then just be with the meditation. Be with the coming and going of the breath.

What's happening now with your energy?

Coming near the end of this meditation, what is your energy like now? The energy of engaging in mindfulness.

What, if any, forces within you tend to be deflating of your energy?

And what forces within you bring too much energy?

To simply see it and know it without needing to judge it or react to it. Just for a moment here, just see it clearly.

This ability to see clearly what is, is not a small thing. It's one of the great gifts that we can give the world. We see without the filter of our attitudes and beliefs, without our reactions to what's happening. We learn to have this clarity of seeing of ourselves, and then we learn to do it with others and the world.

May it be that our ability to see clearly allows us also to see kindly, to see generously, and to see with care and compassion, being attuned to what brings welfare and happiness. May it be that this practice that we do is always encouraging us to apply it to this world, so in some way or other, we're making a better world for all beings.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. And may all beings be free.

And in particular, may we spread this kindness, care, and wish to all the people suffering in Ukraine. Certainly the Ukrainians, but I imagine—it's heartbreaking for me—what this situation must be like for many of the Russians and the soldiers. May they be safe and go home. May they be happy. May they be free and find some way to not participate in this violence that they've been sent to.

May all beings live together in friendship.

[Music]

Thank you.

Announcements

So I think we had no glitches with the broadcast today, so that's good. Maybe things have been taken care of.

A few things before we start here. One is that I want to celebrate with you and appreciate you on this second-year anniversary of doing these YouTube broadcasts. It's been wonderful to feel part of this extended, wide, global community of people interested in this practice and meditating together. It's been a real delight and a privilege for me to have this opportunity to teach this way and to have an audience. So thank you for all of this.

It's been a while since we had a community meeting. I thought maybe on Friday we could do that. I didn't actually check, but I think I am free for this purpose. Yeah, Friday should work. So on Friday, I thought I'll post a Zoom link, and those of you who would like can meet. It will partly be a celebration for the two years, and also just a chance to check in with each other, as it's been a while.

The fundraising drive we're doing for Ukraine, for the refugees there, has now—as of yesterday—raised $62,000. It's a lot of money, and thank you to those of you who contributed. Partly because our treasurer who processes this won't be able to do it until Sunday since he is away, we decided to just keep the donation page open. We said it would be until Monday of this past week, but we'll keep it open through Sunday when he returns. Then we'll tally up the amount and send it to Save the Children. Thank you for this, and I hope that our small contribution will make a difference in the world.

Dharmette: Satipaṭṭhāna (45) Hindrances: Rigidity and Sluggishness

The topic is now the third of the five hindrances^[1]. In English, it's often called sloth and torpor. I suspect that a good percentage of you don't use those words. It's not in your active vocabulary, especially the word "sloth." Maybe it is, especially if you've been around this insight scene for a while and you've picked it up.

It's not so clear that these are the best words for what the Pali^[2] is. I don't know where the original Buddhist idea came from to use "sloth and torpor" as translations of these terms, but it's been around for a long time. It might have been the 18th-century English translators who chose words that had a particular meaning for them.

The Pali word for sloth literally means rigid or stiff, as in a mind that becomes stiff or rigid and not soft and pliable. For torpor, maybe that works, but I like the word "sluggish." The tradition says that the second one has more to do with the physical body and the first one more with the mind. So the mind becomes rigid, the mind becomes stiff, or there's a sluggishness in the body. Exactly where this stiffness and sluggishness is—whether it's mind or body or both—doesn't really matter in practice. We're just paying attention to how it is.

This is a movement of the mind when the energy level is not alive and engaged in a nice, healthy, flowing way. It's often associated with a sinking mind, a sinking of energy, or a sinking of vitality in the mind. The next hindrance, the fourth, is the over-arousing of the mind. What we're noticing here is the energy level, the activity, and the engagement level of the mind. That can either sink or it can be over-aroused.

There are many reasons for that in life. In following desire and aversion—the first two hindrances—if we're successfully able to not be caught in the grip of greed, hatred, and ill will, then some people's minds don't have their usual entertainment. They don't have the usual fire that kept them going. Sometimes people are exhausted from too much wanting, too much anxiety, or too much aversion. They're angry all the time. When we finally stop the greed, the fear, the anxiety, or the anger, sometimes we crash. Sometimes the energy level drops down. Some of it has to do with finally getting to rest, but some of it has to do with confusion. Maybe a little bit of depression, not knowing where to put the mind or what to do, feeling a little bit lost. There's no good cause to be engaged in, nothing to want to have or want to make go away.

A person may never have discovered the natural vitality of awareness and attention, because the vitality of their attention was always being fueled by greed, aversion, or sometimes fear. There's a huge adjustment that can happen when those "caffeines of the soul," as I call them, are not operating, and we go through a little bit of withdrawal. Sometimes a sinking mind, where the mind gets rigid, closed tight, or sluggish, is a response or a reaction to our circumstances.

We might feel overwhelmed. We might have too many stimuli, too many emotional difficulties, and it's just so hard for our heart and our mind to manage. We believe we can't manage. We have ideas that it should be different, and we feel discouraged. We might feel a lot of self-pity or self-doubt because "I should have done better" or "I made a mistake." All these different attitudes come into play around the difficulty of our lives. Sometimes our lives are extremely difficult; I don't want to diminish that or pretend it's not difficult. But one of the ways the mind responds to that is to get rigid, numb, or closed down.

Another way that we can get sluggish is as a resistance to doing what we don't want to do. Sometimes it's just a sense of being deeply, deeply worried and tired. And so we kind of give up a little bit.

This is one of the ways in which the mind responds to difficulties and challenges. It can be dramatic and very big, or it can be very subtle. As meditation gets clearer, and as our meditation practice gets stronger, we can become sensitive to the more subtle shifts in the direction of stiffness, rigidity of mind, and sluggishness.

It can be very subtle. It can be just a little feeling that it's too much to stay with a full in-breath. Like, "I did that before," and the mind doesn't want to do it anymore. There's a little bit of resistance, and so something shuts down. Or it starts feeling that meditation has become a duty. We've done it for a long time, and out of a sense of duty, we think, "One more time I have to do it," and something inside gets rigid, tight, or closed. Or we've had three days of difficult meditations, and something inside feels so discouraged that the energy level drops away, leading to a sluggishness and unwillingness of the mind to operate.

These can all be considered normal human mental activities. We're born with hindrances; they come with human life. It's not a personal failing to have them, but it is a personal field of mindfulness. It's a personal place to discover what's happening with us and to become wise about it. One of the tasks of mindfulness is to start becoming sensitive to the movements of energy. For this third hindrance, we notice how energy sinks, the sinking mind, or how energy gets frozen or tight, and the mind or heart gets rigid.

Then we become wise with it and practice with it wisely. One of the ways to be wise about it is to make a 180-degree turn to really feel and sense this more. We really care for ourselves by feeling, "Well, what is this?" rather than being discouraged by our discouragement, overwhelmed by our overwhelm, or upset about how we're shutting down and not practicing "just right." We care for ourselves by turning attention to, "Oh, this is how it is now," and we feel it and are with it. It's invaluable to feel and be with an experience.

Partly because that's one of the things we're trying to develop in this practice: the ability to have clarity of seeing, clear knowing, and a clear feeling of what actually is. We're developing it with the things that are difficult. We might also discover that some of the attitudes underlying this third hindrance—attitudes of "shoulds," "it's too much," "it's been too long," "I can't manage," or "I'm supposed to be better"—can be draining for us to live by.

So we see those attitudes, and seeing them as attitudes can be quite powerful. When the time comes that the meditation is very clear, peaceful, and settled, the movements of the third hindrance might be very subtle. But we can see it arise, see it be born, and because we're familiar with it from practicing with it for a long time, we see the first inklings and hints of it come. Then it might be possible to let go of it, to abandon it.

This is a really good thing to do when the abandoning of it feels like it moves us to greater health, greater clarity, and a good way of being. In this practice of the hindrances, we want to be able to see clearly, and then, if it's easy enough, to let go. We can then appreciate the helpfulness of the absence of this rigid mind or sluggishness that might arise.

So, the hindrances. Tomorrow we'll do restlessness, the over-energized hindrance, and so forth. We'll do doubt on Friday. Afterwards, we'll have a community meeting on Zoom, and I look forward to meeting those of you who come to that.

Thank you all very much.