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Happy Hour: You Matter!

Hello and welcome, everyone. Welcome to Happy Hour. Wherever you're joining from on this planet of ours—whether you're joining on Zoom, on YouTube, or joining later on AudioDharma—it is lovely to be practicing together.

For our practice together, I want to invite us to consider the phrase that comes to my mind and captures the invitation for the way to relate to mettā^[1], to kindness, to care tonight for ourselves and for others. That phrase is: you matter.

Just feeling the power and strength of that. Sometimes it's easier to say that to others, either literally or through our actions. People who really matter for us in our lives, they matter. We're grateful that they're in our lives, that they're alive—either human beings or pets. (Children, well, children are human beings too!) You matter. You matter. There's a sense of, "Of course you matter." Can we have that same sense of "yes, I matter"? The same way that other people, other beings, are instrumental in my happiness, in the difference that they make for me, in their existence in the world—that I matter, too. I matter.

Shifting perspectives and extending the same care, the same importance, the same acceptance, the same love, the same mettā to ourselves—that's the invitation. The set of invitations I will make tonight to work with this idea, this way of relating to others and ourselves, is a different way of thinking about mettā, of care, of warm-heartedness, of friendliness. There's this sense of, "Yes, you matter. Let me embrace you. Let me care for you. You matter." Different images might come up.

Let me see if there's anything else I want to say to set the stage. If you're new to Happy Hour, whatever you need will be shared with you. Relax and enjoy the ride. Whatever arises is the right thing that needs to arise. If the opposite arises for you—like, "Oh, I feel like I don't matter"—can you bring kindness? Can you bring compassion? Can you bring care to whatever arises? Work with that with kindness, and let that thought—"Actually, yes, you matter. Oh, thoughts of sadness, yeah, you matter too. I'm not going to dismiss you. You matter, you play a role in my life, too."

Let's play around and see what might open up with an attitude of care and mettā. That's all I want to say to set it up tonight. So, let's begin.

Guided Meditation

Let's begin by landing in our seats, starting our meditation.

Landing in our seats. If you need to shift or move your body so that you can sit comfortably for the next 30 minutes, this is a good time to roll your shoulders, maybe move left and right, front and back. Or maybe you need to stand up, do standing meditation for the next 30 minutes, or maybe you need to lie down. That's okay too. See what your body needs. Lying down is fine as long as you won't fall asleep. And for most of you sitting, landing.

Landing in your seat, in your sit bones.

Ah, can we take this attitude of you matter with our bodies, with our sit bones, with our bum contacting the cushion, the chair. Resting, relaxing, releasing into the sit bones.

Letting the upper body be heavy. Forehead soft. The jaw released. The tongue resting. Your eyes also resting in their sockets.

Let the chest relax, release. The upper chest, the lower chest, the end of the diaphragm. Ah, the abdomen, be at ease.

Releasing the upper leg, the lower leg, and feet. Letting them rest on the earth, their weight offered to the earth.

If thoughts are arising, it's okay. This mind thinks, just like puppies run around, the mind thinks. Any sense of ease, smilingly releasing, taking refuge. A few minutes just spending the time with the breath, with the body.

Just calming, settling, soothing the heart, the mind. This moment matters. What we do in this moment matters. So releasing, rejoicing, the breath in the presence here. You are able to be together and practice.

Letting go of all the previous moments, whatever they were five minutes ago today. Especially if you had a challenging day, it's gone. It's in the past. This moment matters. Inhabiting this moment afresh. Arriving like the spring. How we incline our mind in this moment matters. Release, release, relax. Receive spaciously.

Letting the breath be soothing, calming. Maybe each breath releases more deeply, arriving in this moment. And as we bring our hearts, our minds together, collecting, gathering, settling with the breath, with the body here, consider that every breath matters. It matters to you. It matters to your body, to millions, billions of cells of your body, to all the friendly microbes in your biome that call you home. Each breath matters to them. Each heartbeat matters. Each part of your body matters.

And just connecting with the breath, in-breath, out-breath, each life-giving breath, to settle.

And now, as we feel our feet on the earth, our sit bones, our hands, each breath settling, calming, feeling embodied. I make these following invitations, not getting into our head thinking so much, but staying in the body.

Bringing to mind, to your heart space, actually—bringing to your heart space, inviting someone who matters to you. Some being who matters. Welcoming them wholeheartedly into your heart space, as if you're embracing them.

See if you have a party in your heart with banners: You matter. With balloons, streamers, celebrating—celebrating this being. You have a little loving parade in your heart for them with joy. A very quiet one. A parade in their honor: You matter.

We'll invite others later, but right now, just stay with this one being. It's okay to have fun relishing this image, this parade, this mettā parade for this being. An expression of your joy, of your gladness, your appreciation, your mettā for them. It's okay to have fun with it.

Maybe you give them a little crown, a little sash: You matter. Giving them flowers. Celebrating them in your heart. Maybe you have a cheerleading squad celebrating them, their name, the fact that they exist, that they've been part of your life. They matter. You matter.

You sing to them in your heart. And in your mind's eye, they completely, fully receive it. No shyness, no deferring. Let them receive. Let it be satisfying for you. It's not so satisfying when people defer and deflect. Let it be satisfying that they receive the accolades, the recognition that they matter to you.

Now, if you like, you can thank this being. Maybe invite someone else, someone else to your heart space. Someone else, maybe who's been an unsung hero in your life. Celebrating them—this friend, this relative, this mentor, teacher, or pet. You matter. You matter. You matter. You have mattered. You matter to me. Your beingness, your existence in the world, you matter so much.

Maybe there's a parade in your heart for them. You matter. Letting your heart, your body feel full of light, of appreciation, of mettā: You matter. It's a different flavor of mettā: You matter. You matter to me. You matter to me so much. Thank you.

And now, imagine your friends, your relatives, your family, colleagues, people who are related to you and have been related to you. See them around you, all around you. They're throwing a parade, a parade for you. And the banner reads: You matter. You matter. You matter.

You matter to them. You have mattered to them. You continue to matter to so many people. Maybe they put you on a stage, give you a little crown, a little sash: You matter. You're looking at the audience. All the people you know in the audience, people in your life who are looking at you appreciatively, holding up signs: You matter to me. You matter to me.

Let yourself take it in. Wherever you look, these appreciative eyes. People from your present, from your past, even from your future—people you don't know, you haven't met yet. People you have touched directly and indirectly. You matter. You continue to matter in ways you don't even know yourself. You matter.

Let yourself receive. Let yourself receive. Even if it may be overwhelming, it's okay. Don't get in your own way. You matter in more ways than you ever realized.

Continuing to appreciate, to enjoy the parade, taking it in as much as possible. The appreciative eyes, the hugs, the gifts, maybe even the tears of appreciation. You matter. You matter. You have been a source of joy for so many people without perhaps even knowing. A source of support, comfort, inspiration, by just being. You matter.

Seeing the appreciative eyes. A felt sense of this journey that is yours, only you and you can take. The world would have been so different for these beings without you. You matter.

And for the last moments of this guided sit together, knowing that we all matter. Every single one of us matters. Every single one of us matters. May all of us, all beings everywhere, know that we matter. Cherish ourselves, cherish each other with appreciation, with kindness, with mettā.

May all beings everywhere awaken to their inner goodness, inner Buddha, inner magnificence, to their awakening. May all beings everywhere, including ourselves, be happy, be awakened, be free.

Thank you all. Thank you. Thank you for your practice.

Reflections

So, we have time for some reflections. I changed the chat settings. You can type them in chat if you like. If it's privately to me, I won't read your name. If it's typed to everyone, I'll read your name as well as your reflection. You can also raise your hand.

Sean on YouTube has this reflection, actually it's a funny play on words. I like it. They say, "I like that matter. We are matter." Yes, it's so true. We both matter and we are matter. Both. So we are matter, and we matter.

So what did you discover? What did you discover?

Mark says, "Fantastic, thank you, Nikki." You are so welcome, Mark, thank you for practicing together on YouTube.

Any reflections? Anything that opened up for you, that was surprising or challenging, or anything at all? And again, the invitation is to share your reflections as a gift to the sangha^[2]. Your reflections are a gift that can help and support other people's reflections, opening up experience. Even if it's like, "This didn't work for me," or was confusing, whatever, it's all okay. It's all okay. Everything is welcome. And remember, your reflections matter. You matter. You matter as a member of the sangha. You matter.

Lisa, please.

Lisa: Hi Nikki. This was not the easiest guidance for me. But I found that the way in for me was connecting with visual imagery of communities that I'm in, and also just imagining a comforting touch, like a hand on the shoulder or on the back. Imagining that sensation with the other images really helped me to experience that. So thank you very much.

Nikki: Beautiful. Don't mute just yet, Lisa. This is beautiful, Lisa, this is fantastic. Thank you for sharing how these different modalities of touch worked for you. I primarily was bringing the visual, and how the sensory, really the sense of support and touch, worked for you. Beautiful, beautiful. And of course, there could be sound. There are so many different ways. One question I wanted to ask you was, as you were saying it was challenging to get in, was it more to see it for others, that they matter, or when you turned to yourself?

Lisa: For myself.

Nikki: For yourself, yeah.

Lisa: When it took that turn, it was like, "Oh, resist." It was like, "Oh, I can't." And then it was, "Oh, resistance." The tools that have helped me in the past with the visual imagery guidance—and that it's okay to be imaginative—and then also doing a lot of self-compassion recently with touch. Just learning more about that. Then that kind of came in, and I could imagine that other people would just lay a hand on me.

Nikki: Oh, yeah. Other people would touch the human whole and support you physically. Oh, beautiful, that's lovely.

Lisa: That was just like, "Okay, I got it."

Nikki: Oh, yay! That makes me feel very great. These are paths that you've explored and know. In this way, it was like, "Oh yeah, this is hard to turn this around, but oh wait, these paths I know work for me—the sense of touching and holding and other people." Beautiful. Thank you, Lisa. That's lovely. Maybe your reflection will also support others who might have trouble with turning it around, and maybe a sense of touch can be supportive for them. Great, thank you.

Nicholas says, "The thought of a parade for me was somewhat difficult. I cried a little as I needed." Oh beautiful, yeah. Thank you for sharing that, Nicholas. As I turned it around, I have to say I had the same feeling. It was very touching to imagine, "Oh my goodness, there's a parade for me, all the people in my life who know I matter to them." And yet, to actually bring that into awareness, I was quite teary myself. A sense of, "Oh, this connection, this different way of seeing them." It was easy to have a parade for the people I cared about and to really celebrate them. Yay, very joyous. And then turning it around was very touching, and also soothing and calm. It's needed. It's needed for us to be seen in the way that other people see us. We don't see that, there's resistance, there's challenges.

One private reflection: "I had difficulty reconciling knowing everything passes away with knowing everything matters. I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about this."

Yes, that's great. So glad you brought that in. You know, it's the teaching of emptiness^[3]. Emptiness and impermanence^[4]—those teachings are related. Let's just talk about impermanence, which you've brought in, but it's also a bigger teaching of emptiness. Impermanence doesn't mean that things don't matter. In fact, things matter even more. Similar to how when people know they're dying, say the last year of their life if people have a terminal illness, they become kinder. They appreciate people in their lives more. They appreciate every moment of life force. Things become more important. So impermanence, or even emptiness, doesn't mean that things are just "blah" and they don't matter. In fact, there is a beauty, there is a goodness that comes because things are impermanent. As they say, you know, this cup that I drink out of, to me it's already broken. Knowing that it's already broken—hence impermanence—I actually appreciate it even more, knowing that it's already broken. So I offer that to the person who asked that question. Please sit with it. There's a lot more—this could be an hour-long dharma talk, but I'm just giving a little part.

Another private reflection: "I had zero equanimity^[5]. The first person was a blast, so much fun. The second person was where it became emotional."

Yeah, it's okay. This one was actually supposed to be very joyous. It's okay not to have much equanimity. The first one was a blast, great, it's more joyous. Great, have fun! Yes, let your heart sing with appreciation for others. And the second person became emotional. That's okay too. It opens up the channels of appreciation, bittersweetness. It's okay. We don't always have to just be completely equanimous: "Yes, I appreciate you, you matter." It's okay, let yourself have the range of emotions.

Oh gosh, there are many more reflections than I can get to now. And also some sadness with the loss of others, yes, and that's okay too. That's all right. There's a much longer one that I can't quite get through right now, I'm going to read it later. This is a private one. I'll get to that. And also more reflections on YouTube.

Okay, so tell you what, it's ten minutes to the hour, so let's turn our attention at this time to practicing in small groups. Otherwise, we won't have time for that, and that's a very important part of Happy Hour. Then at the end, we'll come back for the reflections.

So dear ones, the invitation for practicing together in small groups: speaking from your own experience only. Not managing, not facilitating the group, just offering what you like to offer. And if you want to offer silence, mettā, just holding the space, that's okay too. Each person will say one nugget, and it'll come back to you, another nugget. You'll go round and round, maybe a couple of times, two or three times depending on how much time there might be. I'm going to create the breakout rooms right now. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Remember: kindness, kindness, kindness. Okay, here we go, opening the rooms now.

[Group practice occurs]

Okay, everybody's back. The rooms are closed. Welcome back, everyone. We have just about a minute. Gosh, and there are lots of reflections, I'll say something very quick about them.

Folks had appreciated also the invitation that each breath matters, every cell. Linnea had wrote about that to everyone, that there's a sense of really appreciating every moment, every breath of reaction, and how we manifest, how we show up in every moment. That's something I wanted to bring up.

And there's also a beautiful story from Berlin on YouTube. How he had showed up to a volunteering Father's Day event today with this practice, thinking that his presence had uplifted others, just made him feel really emotional and he was grateful for that. It's really a touching, beautiful story.

So Jerry, I see your hand, please.

Jerry: Very quickly, thank you. For the first time, I experienced more bittersweetness than I've ever felt. As I was saying to the group, it was offset by at least the existential loneliness that we all felt by being with this small group. It was like an antidote. The meditation seemed to highlight the fleetingness as well as the benefit of being connected, but then you were left with, "Oh, it will come as fast as it goes, and vice versa." So the small group was an antidote to that.

Nikki: Yeah. I'm glad that connecting with the small groups felt like an antidote. Someone else very quickly had mentioned a private comment that some bittersweetness, some sadness came up for them because of the pandemic. Feeling that they're connected and appreciated, but by fewer people than they were before. And it's okay to have compassion for oneself and the circumstances of life, and to also still appreciate that, wow, we have mattered to people, and we still matter to people. There are so many ways we can play around with the griefs that also come up. Not to dismiss them, but to appreciate them, but also see the golden light, or the gifts within the things that we grieve. There are gifts within them also.

So, we're a couple of minutes over time, so I'm going to bring this to a close. I'll stay a couple of minutes—I see another question I want to address, but I'll stay overtime to address that. Let's bring it to a close, and thank you all for your practice. Thank you for cultivating your heart and your mind for your own sake, for the sake of all beings everywhere. And you matter. May all beings be well. May all beings be free, including ourselves.

Thank you all.