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Guided Meditaiton: Deep Thinking

Hello and welcome. The teachings I'm offering this week for meditation might come as a surprise to some of you. And that is to engage with thinking while you meditate rather than trying to stop thinking.

Some people, even very experienced meditators, consider this an unthinkable proposal because when they really get into meditation, it feels like they're not thinking at all. I don't want to disagree with that, but there are layers of thinking within us, and those layers go to subtler, calmer ways of thinking until at some point the thinking, the use of intelligence, recognition, and figuring things out are operating on almost a subverbal level.

We don't have to actively think about it. We don't have to plan ahead. We know what to do. If we're walking down a sidewalk in a street and we see a group of people coming towards us, there might not have to be any conscious, intentional thinking about it. But maybe the right thing to do is to step to the side. Maybe the group is a bunch of kindergarten kids with their teachers. So, of course, you step aside and walk around them. They're figuring out that this is where you walk to the side, this is how you do it, this is how you slow down and make room for them. All that calculation happens below the level of thinking. But the mind is still figuring that out.

So as we get deeper in meditation, we're still engaging something that's right there on the interface, or maybe the gray zone between nonverbal and verbal thinking, active thinking, and this kind of deeper intelligence.

It's a whole different layer of thinking than discursive thinking and calculated thinking. To know about this, appreciate it, and have a way of just allowing for it and slightly intending it: Yes, stay here. Stay here. And to learn how to do it in a way that really supports the meditation, so that it is meditative.

One of the ways to do that is to be in time with the present moment. Be in time. "In time" here, I think, is a musical term, to be with the beat. To be in the middle of the in time. The only living time that we can directly experience is now, here. And to be in time is to be here in this time, and then moving through the present moment time wisely.

One of the wise ways to do it is to allow thinking to become slower, to have thinking that is almost like a sentence that then pauses to make room to experience. It could be a simple word. I like using the word here. It's a kind of thought, but I say it calmly, slowly, and when I finish saying it, it's like the beginning of a journey: Here. And then silently I open to feel and sense what is happening here for me, what my direct experience is. That part is kind of silent, in the way that sensing through the body is a silent awareness. And then I might say here again.

Sometimes I use the word no, and sometimes I use the word yes. That also is kind of this: Yes. And then what is it I'm saying yes to here, to experience and feel? It doesn't really matter if it's pleasant or unpleasant. It's just like, yes, let me be with this, let me recognize it, experience it. The idea is to know something about doing this in time, in a slow time, in a time that's spacious, open, not in a hurry. In a time that supports a settling, a calming, a quieting.

Sometimes the subtle thoughts might almost feel like it's not you thinking them, but it's not not you either. And you're there to kind of: Yes. Explore this, feel this. Yes. Let the settling happen here in my belly. Yes, this is good.

One of the reasons to do this is because the alternative to not somehow engaging thinking is to leave your thinking idle. An idle mind gets in trouble. It wanders off so easily into something else and takes you away.

So, to assume a meditation posture, and to be in a posture that somehow brings your whole body, as much as you can, into time, into this time. Almost like you're stepping into a place and you're really inhabiting the place. To inhabit this time now, as if your body is participating in time.

Another meaning of "in time" is that you fit the schedule. You came in time for something that's beginning. So to recognize with your whole posture that you're in time, just in time for the present moment, to appreciate that, to kind of be delighted. I'm in time for now. So that it just is a kind of beginning of a certain delight to be here and present.

And gently closing your eyes, and then continuing for the rest of the sitting with me being silent as you guide yourself gently, lovingly into the present moment. Into a deeper and deeper experience of yourself with thoughts that support this quieting and calming, deepening and deepening. And from time to time, this is a way of thinking that will in fact bring you to the end of thinking.

A great support for meditation is to find the way to be untroubled by whatever is happening while you meditate. Untroubled by any thoughts you have or feelings you have. And a way to find that is that deeper, quieter place of thinking that is not identified with what's happening, not defined by what's happening, and doesn't react to what's happening. It's a quiet, contented place deep inside that knows, that sees, that has simple thoughts of recognition while not being pushed around or impacted by whatever is happening. Anger.

There is an English expression: take time for something. Take time for a deeper connection to the present moment. Deep meaning from a deep, quiet place within. To know, to sense, and to even think about the present moment experience without lingering with a present moment that has passed.

And as we come to the end of the sitting, to have some very quiet, as peaceful as possible thoughts about the world beyond where you reside now. Where you're sitting, into the world around you, the people, the animals, the environment, and to gaze upon it. To think about it from that deeper place inside that is untroubled, that peacefully knows, peacefully is aware of the ways you are troubled. It's okay. But there is a deeper place that can say that it's okay from here. We can think about it. We can know it, gaze upon it without reacting, without being agitated, without closing down. We can think about it from here without identifying with it, defining ourselves by it, without referring it back to ourselves. And to gaze and to think about the wider world from this place.

And from there to wish it well, to have maybe a great wish that there be peace, that there be respect and kindness, that we live together with generosity and mutual positive regard. And to gaze upon the world with this care and to let these sentiments, these desires, live in you for a few moments. So they might endure, maybe even in surprisingly unexpected ways within you as you go through the day.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be safe. May all beings be free. And may these wishes live in me today so that some way or other I can act on them. May all beings be happy. Thank you.

Dharmette: Right Speech (5 of 5) Timely

Hello everyone, and welcome to this fifth and last talk on right speech^[1], wise speech, and maybe we can consider it considered speech. Part of a Buddhist life is much more than just being mindful. It's also being considered, being thoughtful of what we do. And to be thoughtful in a way that feels more like you're a contemplative, you're deeply thinking in a way that warms your heart, that feels part of a peaceful life, part of a generous life, a compassionate life, a caring life. And to discover how to think and how to speak in the right way, at the right time, so that our speech can be a gift to the world rather than a weapon, rather than a bullet to the world. Some people use their speech more as weapons, more as knives to stab—verbal knives, the Buddha called it.

But rather to have words that are beneficial, supportive. They don't have to be Pollyannaish. They don't have to be excessively sweet. They can be very direct and very engaged, taking seriously some of the issues of our life, and challenges we have, and to speak directly into what's uncomfortable.

Yesterday's criteria was to pay attention to the impact and try to have a good impact. Try to speak in ways that are pleasing, where your words are gifts. However, the Buddha recognized that this particular part of the five-part audit—the impact thing—might not always work that way all the time. Sometimes we have to say something that's disagreeable for someone, something that makes them uncomfortable, something they have to hear and they're not pleased to hear this. There might be some important feedback you have to give them or some important information you want to tell them about the impact they've had on you by their behavior, and you have to really sit down and have an honest conversation about it. And talk about some difficulty that exists between you.

Simply waiting until you can say that in a way that's pleasing will never work because it's going to be a difficult conversation. So the other criteria then become important. Is it true? Is it accurate? Is it really useful what you're going to say? Some people are not ready to hear anything. You can exhaust yourself in trying over and over and over again to get through to them and get them to have even a conversation with you, and it seems impossible. They're closed off. They're unwilling. And so if it's not useful to keep trying, it might actually make things worse. Then don't do it. Only do it if it's useful. If you have some sense that it's possible, the person is ready, the person is capable.

And then is it kind? Is it friendly? Is there goodwill in it? And that is always a good thing to have, even if you have to talk about something very difficult and something that's very challenging, involves a different opinion, differences, conflict even. Even there it's possible to enter into that with goodwill.

But when it's not possible to say things which are going to have a pleasing impact on people, that's heartwarming for them—and that will happen for sure in this life of ours—then the fifth criteria is important, and that is: Is it the right time? Is it timely? It's the right time to say something if a person is ready. They might not be ready, might not be the circumstance where they can really sit down and hear it and it's useful to be in this conversation.

If you have a conflict with a neighbor and it seems like they're starting to fill their trash can so full that on trash day it spills over and blows out onto your property. This now has happened for many weeks in a row and you've kind of mentioned it to them and nothing happens. So you feel like, "I need to go over there and talk to them and have a real conversation with them because we're neighbors and we're supposed to get along and not have this kind of impact." And then you find out that their parent just died a few days ago, and that all along for the last weeks they've been caring for the dying parent. And you say, "Oh, this is not the time to go. I have a right to talk to them. They're troubling my property. They're making a mess. I've been cleaning up for them many times, but it's not the time. They just had a death, and let's see what happens. Let's wait until maybe there's another time that's better to talk about it, or let's even see if it continues now that the caretaking for the parent is over."

So to ask, is it timely? Someone might be harried, someone might have a headache, someone has different conflict styles than you do. Some people's conflict style is they want to talk about something right away, immediately, and that's what's important. Someone else's conflict style is they want to sit and think about it for a while. They want to just mull it over and they don't even know how to participate in the conversation until they've had 24 hours to really kind of mull it over in their mind. If those two conflict styles meet, they can feel very dissonant and actually add to more conflict.

And so you might even ask, "You know, I have this difficult thing to talk to you about regarding the trash that keeps blowing. Is there a time that works well for you that we can talk about this?" They might say, "Right now, if it works for you." Or they say, "Oh, I didn't realize this was a problem, an issue, and right now is not a good time. I need to get my kid to school. But can we come back to it this afternoon?" And you say, "Sure, thank you." Rather than insisting and pushing like, "This is terrible what you're doing. This is horrible. You have to stop it." To speak in such a harsh way, unkind way, to speak at a time that's not going to have any real impact, you're exhausting yourself. You're wasting your effort and your energy and you're also wasting your credibility and your trustworthiness with someone. If you treat them that way, they might not want to talk to you so easily; they're cautious around you.

But to ask the question: is this the right time? And how can it be the right time? Maybe not now. Can we set up a meeting? Can I wait? Sometimes they wait. I've sometimes waited years to have an important conversation with someone until I felt there was an opening, because I felt until that opening is there, it's not going to work to have this conversation. They're going to shut down even more. And as I wait, sometimes because there is an opening, they bring up the topic. They've understood something about themselves and now we're ready to have a deeper conversation about it.

Some people have this impulse when things are uncomfortable, we have to talk about it right away. But that's not the case. So to be wise about the timing in which speech goes on. The examples I've given here today are about challenges we have with people, but also appreciating people, saying words of love or care—that also there's a right time for that and a wrong time. It can have a deeper impact. If I'm harried right now, it is not the time to tell someone how much I've appreciated them, how much I've valued their friendship. It's going to come out of my mouth kind of like a flippant thing or I'm a little bit giddy. I'm a little bit grouchy right now. I don't think this is the right time. I want this to be said in a way that has a nice impact. They're not ready right now. They're grouchy, and if I say it now, they might bite my head off. Better just kind of wait.

So the idea is to become wise about the timing: is it the right time? These five criteria work together and to hold them all in your mind so they become second nature—maybe by taking one of them at a time and living them for a while and see how it goes and get a sense of it.

To help you remember, I have this acronym for audit, the acronym AUDIT. Is it Accurate? Is it true? Is it Useful? Is it beneficial? Is it kind? Is the Disposition—the way I'm disposed—is it a kind, supportive way? What's the Impact? Is it agreeable, disagreeable? Does it close people down? Does it open people up? Is it conducive to more trust or less trust in the relationship? And then the fifth today is, is it Timely?

The other reason to have this kind of audit is that it is a form of mindfulness. It is a way of kind of slowing down or heightening the attention to oneself. We're paying attention to ourselves more deeply. And we're paying attention, hopefully, to that place inside that is capable of wisdom. That place inside that's possible to take in the bigger view of things and not be caught in the drama of the moment. But step back and allow the deeper place inside that maybe itself is not so reactive, itself can sit and be a little bit free and independent from what's happening around us, but we're not automatically defined by it. We're not automatically being pushed by pushing buttons inside of us of reactivity and places that make us angry or greedy.

And so we're cultivating this deeper place. Sometimes I like to call it the contemplative source within us, the dharma^[2] source within us. By using this criteria in how we speak and before we speak. It can be done very quickly and once we get the hang of it, it can take just a few moments to step back, recognize what we're about to say, and recognize how well it fits these five criteria.

Each day this week I've offered you an assignment, if you wanted it, for how to follow through on this. The assignment I have today is: if you have an important conversation, to speak to someone about some important topic, wait a little bit. How long you want to wait is up to you. But do wait, and before you speak, ask yourself: Are both of you ready? Are you ready? Are you really ready to be engaged in this conversation? Are you really in the best place to do this wisely? And are the people you're talking to ready for this conversation? If they're not, consider whether it'd be wise to wait. Maybe wait a while or wait until you can create the conditions for a better conversation.

So, thank you all very much and I'm looking forward to coming back here in about 10 days. I'm going off to teach a retreat again and Nikki Mirghafori^[3] is coming next week, which is quite special. I will be back here on I think the 12th or so of October. So thank you all very much.