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Happy Hour: Compassion Practice When Suffering of The World Feels Overwhelming

Here we go. Hello, and welcome everyone to Happy Hour, to practicing together in this moment in time.

Why Happy Hour? Well, it's self-explanatory, but it helps to consider why this hour is called Happy Hour. The practices of what's called the brahmaviharas^[1]—the heavenly abodes, metta (loving-kindness), compassion practice, vicarious joy (which is happiness for the happiness of others), equanimity, gratitude, forgiveness—just these various beautiful practices of the heart are happy-making. They make us happy. Make us happy, make other people happy. They are happy-making, as you might have experienced.

And also, happiness may not be experienced as a big smiley face, you know, the big round yellow smiley face. It can be a different kind of happiness. There's a sense of peace, there's a sense of ease, there's a sense of well-being that can come with these practices.

Of course, there are various research studies nowadays that suggest that especially practices of gratitude, loving-kindness, and compassion are conducive to happiness. They haven't done so much research yet on vicarious joy, it turns out. Actually, I haven't seen too much on that because it's such an interesting concept in the West to feel happiness for the happiness of others. I think what usually comes up for people is envy. But actually, that practice—happiness for the happiness of others, vicarious joy—is the most happy-making practice, as is equanimity. There's a sense of equipoise, ease, and beauty that can come. It's a deep-seated happiness.

And of course, compassion. It's not a sad, difficult, painful experience. People often confuse empathic distress—when they're feeling the pain of others so much that there is no cushioning of care, of love—so they think compassion is painful and sad and difficult. Like, "I just don't want to, you know, compassion fatigue," which is actually empathy or empathetic distress fatigue.

So I just wanted to give a nod to why we're called Happy Hour, given that so many evenings we practice compassion, etc., which again, for the old-timers, you know the shift that this makes in your own experience, in the landscape of your own mind.

So with that as the frame for practicing tonight, I wanted to invite us this week, given that there are so many challenges in the world—especially in the war zones, so much pain and suffering—that we turn towards it with the practice of compassion and equanimity. Both to hold witness, both for ourselves and for the world, with this sense of care and love which is stable. It doesn't topple over into empathic distress or agony or grief, but feels care and love, and meets the suffering. The love meeting suffering, but with the sense of balance and spaciousness.

Because as you well know, doom-scrolling and exposing ourselves way too much to news that is challenging does not help us, does not help anyone else. It's important to be informed, it's important to be aware, and to help in every possible way we can. But to be addicted, to have this addictive quality to bad news and challenging news that can actually veer us off into empathic distress is not helpful for anyone. So in that way, I'd like to dedicate tonight's practice and Happy Hour to compassion and equanimity—both meeting suffering with care and equipoise, for the sake of ourselves as well as the world.

Maybe I'll say just one last thing to frame this. As Thich Nhat Hanh^[2] often said, on refugee boats, if everyone panics, the boat capsizes. But if there's one person who's calm, one person who cares enough to be calm, the boat can survive.^[3] So can we be the one who cares with a sense of calm in the boat of our friends, relatives, and loved ones for what's happening in the world now?

Guided Meditation

So without further ado, I'd like to invite us to enter our practice, our meditation posture. Whether you're sitting or lying down, whatever is appropriate for you, respecting your body so that you are comfortable. You can be sitting or lying down, or even standing up.

And arriving. Arriving in this moment. Releasing what's not helpful as we take refuge in the heart space, in the quiet of this moment, in this cultivation practice. Relaxing the body here. Releasing thoughts, past, future, and even releasing clinging to the present too hard. And abiding. Abiding spaciously in the sensations, with the sensations of this body.

There is a body. There is a body, there is breath. Allowing each breath to be soothing, calming, nourishing in this moment.

The thoughts arise, as they will arise. Can we release them smilingly? Not judgmentally, but smilingly release them. Release, return, take refuge. Ah, here, here.

Releasing, releasing what is not helpful right now. Returning to the breath, to the body. The refuge in this heart space. Releasing smilingly.

There is a body. There is breath. There's the goodness of my intention to connect. To connect.

Connecting, connecting with the breath, with the body, each and every moment as we settle, we continue to arrive.

Letting the breath move through the chest, the trunk, the abdomen, the whole body. Whether it's deep or shallow, let there be a sense of expansiveness with the breath. As if the breath isn't just moving through the body, but expands and includes the whole body. Expands beyond the body, as if a sphere of breath, this sense of spaciousness. That you're sitting in spaciousness. Held in spaciousness, connected to the breath. Let the bodies be soft and relaxed. Sitting in, held in spaciousness.

Not effortful. You were just sitting, being held in spaciousness inside, outside. It's already here, you don't have to work so hard. And it includes and contains everything. Even if there is tightness, entanglement, challenging physical sensations, pain, challenging emotions. It holds everything, it holds everything. Spaciousness inside and outside can coexist and hold every difficulty. Not pushing it away. Not antagonistically, but patiently, spaciously. Soothingly, caringly holding all internally and externally.

The sense of equipoise, spaciousness, already here. Simply becoming aware of it as if through your peripheral vision, not directly staring at it. Oh yeah, there is peace already. And other things too, but the peace is already here.

This sense of spaciousness, equipoise, peace. Expansive, spacious. Holds you and everything that might be challenging in this part of your mind with care. Just breathing, sensing, feeling held.

Letting the spaciousness that is holding this being who's me, with care, with stability. Acknowledge that it's expansive, above and beyond my imagination, your imagination. A peaceful knowing, a peaceful, stable, caring, loving knowing. Pervading, pervading from this heart, from this heart-mind. Expansively holding this being who's me and beyond. All beings, everywhere, in all conditions. Spacious, peaceful, caring, knowing, permeating through the entire world. Boundless.

This caring knowing loves, cares, is compassionate. Can know suffering and touch it with love, touch it with care. Meeting suffering, balanced with care, good will, well-wishing. Like a bright, bright warm light. The care bringing goodness to yourself and to others, anyone it touches. You are deserving of metta, of compassion yourself, just as is everyone else.

May all beings everywhere, including myself, have ease, peace. May pain, sorrow, and challenges be held with ease. Be met with ease, with love, with care. May all beings, including myself, have freedom, both in the midst of and from suffering. For simply, I care. I care. I care.

Let there be spaciousness continuously. As your heart and mind collapse into tightness, remember the spaciousness, the balance, the equipoise. Ah, expand your perspective, if it collapses at any point.

I care. I care.

And as we bring this practice period to a close, this meditation period to a close, appreciating ourselves for having tried, having sat. Letting go of any judgment that might be arising in this moment: "Oh, you were distracted, you were not a good meditator." Let it go, let it go. Release, not needed. And instead, appreciate the goodness. We've come together, you've come, it's a part of the sangha to practice. How beautiful is that? How beautiful is that? Appreciating your own goodness, efforts, cultivations. Even if there was a moment, a millisecond of care, connection for your own sorrow, for those of others.

And dedicate, together we dedicate the goodness of our actions, rippling through the world for the goodness, for the benefit of all beings everywhere. May all beings be happy. May all beings everywhere be free. Thank you everyone, thank you for your practice.

Reflections

So, what we were engaging with tonight was a way into compassion through equanimity. So that there is a sense of stability, care, spaciousness, and then there is care, love permeating that then can hold suffering. So starting from equanimity into compassion, into holding compassion. Sometimes this practice can work the other way around. You can start with compassion, and if it becomes too overwhelming and you end up in empathic distress, then you can bring in equanimity. Both are good, all practices are great, and this is a lovely way to bring in more equipoise into your compassion practice.

So, any reflections, any observations that you made, any insights that came up? You're welcome to raise your hand. If you haven't shared in the space for a while, you can also type in chat. If it's typed just to me, I won't read your name, it will be a private reflection that I will read out. If you type it to everyone, then I'll read your name also for attribution.

So what did you notice? What was this like for you? Was it different? Was it interesting? Was this something that opened up, or not? Maybe it was challenging, maybe there was nowhere to land. Anything for your own benefit and those of others.

One reflection: "I thought of myself as a tree rooted to the ground and offering shelter to others."

Oh, this is such a beautiful image. Thank you so much for sharing this. This is so beautiful, it warms my heart. "I thought of myself as a tree rooted to the ground and offering shelter to others." That is so beautiful. I am so touched and inspired. Thank you for that. Susan, please.

Susan: Yeah, thank you, Nikki. That was so timely. I was just talking with a friend today who was just so overwhelmed with sadness about the war situation. It's just like you were talking to her, I'll point her your way. But, yeah, thanks for that distinction between the empathetic distress and the compassion, which actually feels good. I know that, but it's so helpful to hear that articulated. And I love the spaciousness of just bringing that large warm presence to hold everything.

Nikki: Yeah, thank you, Susan. Thank you so much for your reflection and highlighting how timely this offering has been for you and your friend. And yeah, please send her a pointer to this guided meditation on AudioDharma or on YouTube. And also, this metaphor, I love the metaphor that was shared: this tree rooted in the ground offering shelter. How beautiful is that? And however it came up for you also, I love the way you described it, Susan. This sense of care is permeating warmth, touching everyone. So thank you for that. Beautiful.

Any other reflections before we turn...

Yeah, another reflection: "Simply letting go."

Yeah, with the spaciousness of equanimity, there is a letting go. And here, there is also a sense of care that permeates together with the letting go.

One more reflection: "I felt the caring in my body."

Yay! Oh, that's beautiful. That's great. When it's a physical sense, it can be quite strong. Great.

I see Sarah and Hisham. Am I saying your name right? Sorry.

Hisham: Hi, but this is Sarah speaking.

Nikki: [Laughter] I'm losing every word you're saying, Sarah. Uh oh, I see other people move, but Sarah, you are frozen. I think you dropped out completely. You're probably not hearing anything I'm saying. Okay.

So I'll go through the reflection from Deborah in chat: "The practice offered a balm. I had to deal with a lost, stolen phone today. Ouch. Kept remembering that in the grand scheme of things, this was truly only an inconvenience. A big one nowadays! Yes, of course. Throughout the day, metta abounded. My heart is warm noticing all of it."

Oh, that is so beautiful. Wow. I'm so touched with your share, Deborah, that it is, these days, losing your phone is quite an inconvenience, as our lives depend on it so much. And reminding yourself that it is an inconvenience, a big one, and throughout the day metta abounding, and noticing your heart is warm noticing all of it. So beautiful. Just beautiful. Yay, oh, I'm so inspired and touched.

What you shared actually prompts me to say that often when challenging things happen, when inconvenient or difficult things happen, they're an opportunity to push us to be more kind and grateful and gentle. To even open us more to metta and care and presence. Otherwise, sometimes we go through our day mechanically when everything is okay or the same. So beautiful how this was an opportunity. I hope you made it into an opportunity, Deborah, to practice throughout the day with metta abounding. So beautiful, so beautiful.

So, let's turn to practice together in small groups of roughly size three. The invitation is to start with fifteen seconds of silence: metta for ourselves, for others. Equanimity, caring for yourself, caring for others. And you can share as little or as much as you like about your practice. Holding each other, holding witness, and care for each other. Confidentiality is very important. Speak from your own experience, please, not from other people's experience. Not commenting on each other, but really respecting, holding close, caring. What does it mean verbally to care for each other? So the rooms are created, and I'm opening them now. Take good care. Enjoy.

Okay, welcome back everyone, the rooms are closed. It's actually seven o'clock. I think we don't have any time now for any reflections anymore, but if there's something you want to quickly type in chat, I'll read them. But otherwise, let's bring this practice session to a close with appreciation for each other, for ourselves, for the whole sangha, and extending care to ourselves, to each other, and to the entire world.

May all beings be well. May all beings, especially in war zones, be safe and free. Thank you everyone, be well.