This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

Happy Hour: Introduction to Equanimity Practice

Hello, and welcome to Happy Hour. A warm welcome wherever you are in the world.

As we've been working our way through the different categories as well as the different Brahma-viharas^[1]—just to give a sense of context. And again, if this is your first time at Happy Hour, no problem; whatever you need to know will be shared with you and explained to you. It's all good, but I still want to give the context just for those who've been coming regularly to kind of get the sense of where we are.

With the four Brahma-viharas, practices of the heart, we start with metta^[2] (loving-kindness). We worked through all the categories with that, and then we moved to the second Brahma-vihara (heavenly abode) practice, which is compassion (karuṇā). Then we went through all the concentric circles through that, starting with our easy person, ourselves, etc., and moving to all beings. Then we switched to mudita^[3] (empathetic joy), and we've been playing around with different categories in empathetic joy. We stayed with empathetic joy for a good long while, which was fun awakening joy.

The fourth Brahma-vihara is equanimity, or upekkhā^[4]. Sometimes we think of upekkhā as very cool, detached, but that's actually the near enemy of equanimity. That's not equanimity. Equanimity is in the same family as loving-kindness, vicarious joy, and compassion, so that should give us a signal: "Oh, equanimity has warmth to it, has care to it. It's not like, 'Oh, I'm just equanimous, I don't care.'"

It's a sense of equipoise, holding whatever is arising—challenges, goodness. Holding it all with balance, with care. Not diving into it, not overwhelmed by it, and not pulling away or turning away from it. Equipoise, equanimity, stays with whatever is arising. Whether it's joy, so that it doesn't become exuberance (there's a sense of balance); or with compassion, so that it doesn't become empathic distress (pain on top of our own pain or someone else's pain), equipoise stays balanced.

So it's a practice in and of itself, as we will practice tonight. It's also the platform, the stability. If you consider, for example, a Buddha image or a statue of Kuan Yin^[5] (a compassionate image), they're always on a platform of stability. So if you think of yourself as this embodiment of goodness, compassion, and care, you sit on a platform—a stable platform, one that's not wobbly. One that's stable and supports you.

That platform of stability, that foundation, however the image works for you, is one of equanimity. It allows you to engage with all the other Brahma-viharas from a place of balance, as well as relate to anything in the world from a place of balance. So I like to sing the praises of equanimity because we've been bringing equanimity in without really advertising it so much into all of our practices so far with all the other Brahma-viharas. Another thing to say: equanimity is the crown jewel of Buddhist practice.

It's not detached at all. It cares. It's engaged with the world. It's a part of the family of the heavenly abodes together with metta, compassion, and vicarious joy, and it supports them all. It supports us to have a stable expanse of heart—not to be washed over or caught up. And if we do get caught up or washed over, being able to stand up again. In praise of equanimity practice! So I hope you're excited by now to practice equanimity formally together.

The place we start this equanimity practice traditionally is where it's easiest. It is said the easiest category is the neutral person. It makes sense, right? With a neutral person, there is a balance. It's not your difficult person, so you don't have antipathy towards them. It's not your dear person, so you don't love them. It's like, "Oh, there's some neutrality, right?" You can feel both their pain and their happiness, but through neutrality. Traditionally, it is said this is the easiest place to start. It may not be the easiest place for us to give, but let's start there. Let's see if the canonical teachings work for us in terms of starting where it's easy.

I guess I'll say one last thing. The near enemy of it, as I mentioned, is aloofness—this detachment that is kind of like, "Oh, I don't care, it's all okay." And, of course, the far enemy (the opposite) is when you get really entangled. Either you jump into it and get attached, or you completely turn away. So aloof is still cool. Anyway, you'll discover the far and near enemies for yourselves because they probably will come up. It's part of learning this practice. It's not that we completely avoid these ends; it's just that they will come up, we recognize them, and we learn how to relate to them and ourselves. All right, now let's jump in.

Guided Meditation

Okay, let's land in our bodies. Let's land our bodies with our breath. Feeling our stability on the earth. This body connected through our feet, through our legs, our sit bones—whether you're sitting on a chair or a cushion. Feeling this body connected to the floor, to the cushion, to the earth. A sense of stability. Landing.

Relaxing. Letting go of any tension the muscles in the face are holding. Let the forehead be soft. The jaw. The muscles of the face from the inside.

Relaxing the neck and the shoulders. Letting them drop.

Letting your chest soften. Your heart. Feel safe.

Lowering the center of gravity of your attention from your head, where the thoughts reside. Often we associate our heads with our thoughts. Bringing the center of gravity of attention down to the chest. Feeling the breath in the center of the chest, the heart center.

Then moving further down. Attention down, down, down to the belly. And into the sit bones. To the legs, the feet. Letting your attention hover in the lower part of your body.

Letting your whole trunk, chest, and abdomen relax. Your groin area. Your sit bones and your legs dropping their weight onto the earth. Drop.

As if an elevator goes down, down, down, down. The weight shifting down, down, down, down.

If ever you notice you are top-heavy in the head with thoughts, push the ground floor button on your elevator of attention. Traveling down, down, down, down.

It's okay to push this button many times throughout. If you feel it's helpful and needed, it's okay. You can even push this ground floor button on the elevator of tension on every out-breath to settle in more. See what it feels like. Experiment.

Now, I would like to invite you to bring to mind someone who is somewhat of a neutral person for you. You don't have much history with them. Maybe a neighbor, a delivery person, someone who works at a store where you shop. Someone you don't know very well. You've seen them; they're a human being, they've made an impression, but you don't know them much. As a stand-in for all of humanity, bringing this person to mind for the purpose of this practice, as clearly as possible. What they look like, maybe what they sound like. Be with what you've picked up from their mannerisms from the little interaction you've had with them.

And consider that, just like you, just like me, this human being wants to be happy. Just as I don't want to suffer, they don't want to suffer. Just as I have a complex inner life with inner dialogue, concerns, worries, fears, hopes, dreams, disappointments, people I care about, and challenges in life, they too, just like me, have a very complex inner life that's compelling to them—as compelling and complicated as mine.

And just like me, they care about others, and they're also objects of affection for others. They're a child of someone, or a parent to someone, a sibling, a friend, a partner. They have loves, things they love to do, things that bring them joy. Who knows, maybe even your favorite food, your favorite flavor of ice cream is the same. Imagine them enjoying what you love to eat.

And now, imagine that this being, this person, is experiencing challenges in their life right now. You may not know what they are, as you don't know them, and it's okay to use your imagination. Perhaps you want to relate to something you're experiencing right now that's challenging for you. Something very common these days with the pandemic could be a sense of isolation or loneliness, perhaps. Or could be something else that's more present in your life. Can you imagine they have the same challenge too? As a way in, as a way to relate. It's okay to use our imagination to relate. Seeing them working with this, or feeling challenged in the same way.

And now, from a place of stability of the body, of the mind. Feeling your body, feeling your feet on the ground. Feeling your sit bones on the cushion. Your hands touching each other in your lap. Feeling your body stable, breathing. As if this body is the stable foundation that grounds you so that you don't get knocked over. It grounds you.

From this place of stability, and also holding in mind, in your heart, this person. This human being. Feeling this challenge they feel. This shared challenge, but focusing on theirs. How they're suffering through it.

Allowing yourself to feel a sense of balance and equanimity. Not turning away with coldness from their challenge, but feeling present. As if you were holding present, caring space for them. The feeling of equanimity is present. Not turning away. Caring, but not entangled and not turning away. Holding space. Being present with care for them to be exactly as they are. Holding caring presence.

I'll offer a few phrases of equanimity that might support this practice.

Things are as they are right now. Things are as they are right now.

It is what it is. It is what it is.

Or, May you be with peace with the comings and goings of things. May you have peace with the comings and goings of things.

Continuing to stay connected and attached to your care. As if you're giving a lot of space, holding with a lot of space.

I wish you well, and I know that your happiness or unhappiness is dependent on your actions, and not my wishes for you.

Or the classic equanimity phrase: All beings are heir to their own actions. Their happiness or unhappiness depends on them, and not my wishes.

Keep your connection with this person, the sense of care, the sense of spaciousness. See which of these phrases might connect for you better. You don't have to use them all. Experiment and see in this practice today which one works best.

Whether or not I like it, things unfold lawfully. Events unfold according to universal laws.

Or, All beings have their own journey according to their karma.

Or, No matter how I might wish things to be different, things are as they are right now.

Checking in if there's a sense of stability, connection, and care for this person. Allowing a lot of space for the unfolding.

I care for you, but I can't control your happiness and unhappiness.

Whether or not I understand it, things are unfolding according to a lawful nature.

And for the last moment of this practice, may I be at peace and ease with whatever arose or did not arise during this practice. Whether challenges arose, distractions, emotions that were difficult or joyous. May I have peace and ease with the comings and goings that happened during this practice period. May I accept with equanimity and peace.

May all beings be at peace. May all beings be free.

Reflections and Q&A

Thanks, everyone. Thanks for your practice.

So now we have started to dip our toes at Happy Hour into equanimity practice, and I'd love to hear your questions, reflections, observations. You're welcome to raise your hand or type them in the chat. If you type them privately to me, I won't say your name; if it's public, I will say your name. And, of course, you can raise your hand and share.

And to say one thing that can happen with equanimity practice is the sense of calm stability. The heart can feel really calm with a sense of care. There's a sense of warmth and care that's there, but there's a sense of—ah. If you were here last night, we did mudita, vicarious or empathetic joy. Or the past few nights, there's a sense of joyous exuberance that can be there. And this can be connected and more stable. Anyway, lots of different things can come up, and we're finding our way together in this practice. So I'd love to hear from you. What did you notice?

Bill says, "Compared to metta, equanimity practice seems cold to me, indifferent, so I'm probably in one of those near enemy things, right?"

So, maybe yes, it could be. You said two different things. If compared to metta equanimity practice seems cold—I wouldn't say cold, it's cooler. It's a little cooler; it's not as warm. And yet, if it feels indifferent, then you probably are hanging out in a near enemy. So notice where you are, and it's okay. We explore our relationship here and see if there can be more connection and more care, and maybe with the other beings it could be easier.

Emily says, "I noticed that it was a little hard for me to concentrate compared to mindfulness practice, simply following the breath. Switching between listening to different phrases and the guidance, and choosing phrases to use in my own mind felt a little complicated sometimes."

Yes, I was offering—this is the first night we're exploring. There are a lot of phrases, because some phrases work, some phrases don't, and as we go through the week you choose the phrases that work for you and the ones that connect. And also, one thing that I will do that I think will make it more helpful for the next sessions is I will have the list of phrases shared in the Google Groups. So if you're not on Google Groups, please join, because all the phrases will be shared with you there so you can read over them and see which ones work for you. I might offer fewer options next week, just one or two, and then I trust that you've already looked over and you're experimenting. So thanks for that, Emily. This can happen.

Ben says, "This is a little intellectual, but I realized today that I don't think of equanimity as being oriented towards specific people. The other Brahma-viharas, yes, but I think of equanimity as just being a better relationship to experience, not necessarily beings."

So there are different kinds of equanimity practice, and there are ten different kinds of equanimity in Buddhism. This practice of equanimity specifically that we're practicing is related to a person. This is how it's practiced as part of the other Brahma-viharas. There are other equanimities as part of the Seven Factors of Awakening, etc., that relate to experience in general, but not this one.

Jerry says, "It was helpful to hear that this neutral person has an inner life, and this helps me feel more connected to them." Great, thank you.

And Emily says, "Plus one to what Jerry wrote, a cool new experience." Great, nice, thank you both for that.

And a direct message to me: "It really helped me with a former spouse with which there was tension this week. This was so needed for me, letting go of being responsible for their happiness. It felt freeing and compassionate and released. Thank you."

Oh, thank you so much for that, I'm so glad this connected for you. Great, this is a really powerful practice, and we're going to continue to engage with it with other categories and ten different kinds.

"Wow, okay, I guess I have some educating myself to do," Ben says. [Laughter] Humility, beginner's mind, is good at every stage of practice.

And Susan has her hand up. Susan, please?

Susan: "Hey, thanks. Hi everybody. I think this is totally part of it. I am recalling when I used to go to a lot of AA meetings, and I had this experience like somebody would come in new who would have a lot of problems obviously. And when they would be distressed, I would have this wave of faith in them, and that's what I kind of form my feelings around equanimity—I don't know if that makes sense. So it would be that they would be okay, that everything was going to work out fine. That it was both/and—that they were having really difficult times, but that they were also recovering. And so yeah..."

I see what you're saying, I appreciate you bringing that in, Susan. I would say there is a similarity here and a slight difference, and I want to point that out to tease it out. The beautiful sense that you're bringing in is that you know they're having trouble right now, but they're going to be okay. There's a trust there. Now if we shift that to the awakened mind perspective, it's that actually in the big picture, they are okay. This is what's happening; this is what needs to be happening according to a lawful nature. So that's even a bigger okayness, it's a bigger trust. So I'm building on what you said. It's not so much trust that in the future they will be okay, but it's like, "This is okay, this is part of being human." There's a bigger picture, whether or not I know it, whether or not I understand it. This is okay. So there's a sense of trust. Thank you so much for bringing that up, I really appreciate that.

And a couple of quick comments on YouTube. Robin says, "I had difficulty imagining someone having a difficult time because I think that everyone around me is doing so much better than I am." Ah, that is an interesting perspective because it is so not true. Everybody has challenges in their lives. Every single person. Dukkha^[6] is a mark of existence.

And let's see, Gero says, "It was difficult for me to follow some instructions because I don't speak English but Spanish, but I was able to connect." Oh, that's sweet, thank you for that reflection. Thank you so much for both of those reflections. I'm glad that you were able to connect even if not with all the words.

And also Robin, I invite feeling into this misconception that everybody else is okay. Know that suffering is the common bond. We may not know what people are experiencing, but we can be sure they're having difficulty. It's a part of being human. There's so much more I can say about that, but time is running out and there are more questions. But we're going to be doing this practice all of next week. I want to make time for practice, meeting in groups, and hold your questions for later.

So I'm going to create the breakout group. The invitation is to start with 30 seconds of metta for each other, just quiet 30 seconds of metta wishing each other well, and then you can share how this practice was, what you discovered tonight with this new practice which is different. And there's no right or wrong, you're not trying to impress each other, but just to support each other and share each other's practice. So here we go, I'm opening the rooms now. Enjoy!

[Breakout sessions]

Welcome back everyone. So we have maybe a minute for one reflection if you'd like to share what you discovered both in your practice and sharing with others. Yes, Jerry, I see you.

Jerry: "So I'm amazed at the comments that people make in the group that are so helpful in terms of just trying to say things that actually hit the mark about what you were trying to do. So it's an amazing supportive group, so that's what I want to say."

Great, thank you. Yeah, it buoys my heart to hear how supportive sharing this practice, this intensive practice that you do in the group is for you. So thanks for reporting back.

Any other quick report back? I don't see any other hands or anything typed.

Lisa is very grateful for this offering, thank you. Thank you, Emily, for showing up and for supporting yourself and everyone else, this is beautiful.

And before we went into groups, Ben asked, "Do you have a reference for the ten types?" Yes, in the Path of Purification^[7], there are ten different types of equanimity listed, and the teaching is in there.

So dear ones, let's close our evening—our morning or afternoon for those in Asia—together. Thank you all for showing up, for practicing for your own benefit and the benefit of all those whose lives you touch. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free, including ourselves. Thank you.