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Happy Hour: Feeling Connected While Social-Distancing

Introduction

So, the theme for tonight for our practice together is the theme of connection. I think at this time of social distancing, when many of us are at home, not leaving our home, and maybe we live alone and we don't see another human being all day, the sense of feeling connected to others, feeling connected to the stream of life, to the stream of humanity—to continue to feel connected—is a feeling that can get a little lost in the midst of all this, because this is a new normal.

So in our practice today, what I'd like to guide us into, after settling—of course, we always start with the body and the breath, and settling and tilling the soil of awareness—after having done that, what I'd like to invite us is to tap into this recognition of our interconnection and our connection to the stream of life. How we are interconnected, and letting that be a source of delight, a source of joy, a source of happiness.

Be curious to see what else arises from that acknowledgement of how we are interconnected, how we both depend on other people and how we are supporting other people. How we care for them and how other people care for us. It's a beautiful feeling to really bring it up and tap into it. So that's the basic invitation for tonight that we'll be working through.

Any questions? You're welcome to type your questions if you wish. Any questions before we start? Okay. All right.

Guided Meditation

With that, I'd like to invite you to get comfortable in your seat, in your chair, whatever you need to do. And I need to remember to start recording. Here we go.

Okay, so as you get comfortable, landing in your chair, landing in your cushion. And if you need to move right now to get more props, to be comfortable, this is the perfect time.

So landing. Landing, letting go. Letting go of whatever has come before, whatever has come to this through your day. Bowing to it in this moment. Letting it go, and landing in this moment, in the completeness and the cocoon of this moment.

As thoughts, worries, plans, memories arise, thanking them for the smile and saying, "Not now. Not now." Taking refuge in the simplicity of this moment of just sitting and breathing. This body sitting and breathing.

Feeling the breath as it moves through your body. Receiving the breath well, however it is. Notice I'm not saying to breathe, because the breath breathes itself. Simply receiving whatever is arising in the abdomen, the chest, the whole body. Letting each in-breath and out-breath calm and soothe you, soothe the body. As if the breath was like the ocean, the water element. As if you could feel it, touch it moving through the body.

And seeing how the breath could be enjoyed. It could be delightful, its movement and its calming, caressing, massaging capacity.

We'll take a few minutes here to just relax, settle, feel the breath. This breath is enough. This moment is enough.

Allowing each in-breath to bring more awareness, more recognition. As if with each in-breath, we're touching more to the experience, the freshness. As if each in-breath bringing in life, bringing in air, was the spring itself, the spring arriving in your body, as it is spring now in the Northern Hemisphere. With each out-breath, softening, relaxing, landing more deeply.

Letting the simplicity of just sitting and breathing be a happy refuge, a happy dwelling place, available anytime this moment. Quite palpable.

And now, with each breath calming, soothing. Each breath within the framework of the body, not the disembodied idea of breathing, but the felt sense of the breath. Knowing that you are connected. This organism that is you that breathes, that is alive, is connected to the world, to the outside, each and every moment in so many ways. And one way is through your breath.

The breath also breathed by the trees. Your breath connects you to the earth, to the trees, to the oceans, this air. And also connected to the earth through your body, as your feet are feeling the ground, the earth, the floor in lieu of the earth in this moment. You sit, you walk, you stand, you lie on this earth, Mother Earth. Connected to the earth, as other beings, as trees, other animals, your neighbors on this planet. So many neighbors on this planet, all interconnected inhabiting this planet.

Let there be a sense of spaciousness, relaxing into this contemplation. As you continue to be connected with your body and the breath, I would like to invite you to bring to mind a few beings, one by one, taking your time. Starting with one being whom you feel a connection to. Even if you don't see them every day—perhaps if you do see them every day—one being that you feel connected to, and feel the sense of connection, the interconnection. With just this one person, or this one being, could be a pet for starters. Just staying with this one being before we move on.

Just really relishing the interconnection. Maybe a sense of care you have for them and the sense of care they have for you, how they support you. By just being themselves, by just being in this world and being themselves, you feel supported through their existence.

And how the feeling is mutual, how you offer them support through your thoughts, actions, words, or just simply by being in the world, supportive to them.

Just really staying with this connection for a moment and saving the appreciation, bringing this to mind, to your heart, what it brings up for you in your heart. For me it brings up a smile on my face and a sense of ease and safety. See what comes up for you. Be a scientist of your own mind and heart.

Staying with this being another minute or two, just letting it really blossom, this appreciation of interconnection. Maybe gratitude arises.

Now I'd like to invite you to bow to this being in your mind's eye, in your heart, thanking them. And inviting another being into your heart, someone with whom you feel a sense of connection, interconnection, care. You feel their support for you, they care for you, either through thoughts, words, or actions, or them just being in the world.

And now also acknowledging how you care for them. The support that you offer them through thoughts, words, or actions, or just the fact of your being makes them glad or happy or supported. Staying with this being for another minute and really letting it expand the feeling in your heart of your connection, your interconnection with this being.

Now in your mind's eye, in your heart, bowing to this being, thanking them. And inviting a third being. You're welcome to expand the circle if you wish. This third person could also be someone close to you, or someone not so close to you. Feeling how you feel supported by them, and maybe how they feel supported by you. Giving and receiving.

And in some ways, it's not clear who's giving and who's receiving. As Thich Nhat Hanh^[1] puts it, the fragrance stays on the hand that gives the flower. So feeling the sense of interconnection, the flow of giving and receiving. The giver receives, the receiver gives by being vulnerable and allowing, inviting, letting themselves receive, and vice versa. Appreciating for another minute your care, your giving and receiving. This field of generosity, connection between you and this third being you've chosen.

Now bowing to this being in your mind's eye.

Now if you wish, as you feel yourself breathing, sitting and breathing, allowing the circle of your care to expand and include so many beings that you are connected to, whom you support, or you have supported in the past, or you are supporting right now by simply being. And also so many beings who support you through their work, through what they do in the world. And how you are connected to so many beings. So many beings. Family, friends, neighbors, people you have not met but you are interconnected to them. You've supported them through what you've done in the world. And people who support you through what they do every single day. That you are part of the stream, this river, this giant waterfall, this ocean of humanity, interconnected. And as the waves move, as the water moves, the waves of this ocean of humanity, you are moving with it. You're not alone. You are not alone.

So for the last minutes of this practice period, you are welcome to either go back to just the simplicity of breathing in your body, or invite the three beings in a small circle of giving and receiving, feeling your interconnection, or let it be expanded, seeing yourself as part of the ocean of humanity. Whatever is most supportive to you. You're welcome to choose. See what's most supportive to you in this moment.

Reflections

Thank you all. It will be lovely to hear maybe a word or two, and you're welcome to type it in the chat window if you wish, and I will read them out loud, what's coming up for you in this moment. And you can also unmute yourself if you wish.

Ease. As you're typing, as they're coming in, I'll share with you what's coming up for me. What's coming up for me is a sense of, ah, I'm much more landed in my body and in the sense of being here and being human than before I led this practice. So thank you.

Other words that are coming up: Beautiful, connected. Gratitude, interconnection. Grateful, lovely. Love. Serene. Fluidity and lightness we have from YouTube participants. Thank you, friends. Happiness, caring. Lovely, very sweet.

So with that, given that tonight's theme has been on interconnection and supporting each other and receiving support, it would be lovely to now do the breakout groups as we do them, with that intention. With the intention of listening with kindness, offering your presence, your support by just being there and listening, and also receiving support and care, the sense of interconnection by letting yourself be held in the conversation, in the deep listening.

So I would like to create the breakout rooms right now for all of you on Zoom. And again, if you're on the fence, I do invite you tonight to just try it out, see what it feels like. And if you are sure that tonight is not right for you to feel a sense of interconnection in this way, it's okay to bow out right now, it's perfectly fine. It's best to do that before I make the breakout group, so here I go, I'm gonna make them now.

[Breakout sessions occur]

Q&A

Welcome back everyone from the breakout rooms. Great to see you. It would be lovely to hear a few reflections. You're welcome to unmute yourself or type the reflections if you wish, and I'll read them, or raise your hand. This is a small group, so we can do it whichever way works. So how is it going? How are you? How is this practice session for you today, both connecting with folks in the small groups as well as the settling in the guided meditation? Questions? Comments?

Participant: How do you keep your mind from wandering at this practice? I find myself struggling with that quite a bit.

Nikki Mirghafori: Let's see, is that Tyler? I can't quite hear you, it's so soft.

Participant: I was wondering how do you keep your mind from wandering off when you're late in the meditation, because I find myself wandering off a lot. And usually I know this because either I'm closing my eyes too hard or kind of clenching my teeth a little bit.

Nikki Mirghafori: So you're noticing that you're clenching your teeth.

Participant: I noticed it, and then I was like, "Oh wait, because I'm clenching my teeth, that means I'm lost in thought again." So it's like an indicator. Not like clenching down hard.

Nikki Mirghafori: Got it. I see, okay, great. So it's not very pleasant to clench our teeth and have that tightness, but at the same time, what I'm appreciating in the way you're reporting is that it's an indicator. So let me ask you something: when you notice that you're clenching, do you kind of chastise yourself, "You're doing that thing again," or is it like, "Oh, here I am, it's okay"?

Participant: It's actually not either, though. It's more of a happy realization that I noticed I'm clenching my teeth, therefore I can kind of get myself out of being lost in thought. I guess the point I'm making is finding myself getting back into those thoughts so quickly I don't even notice it until I notice my teeth.

Nikki Mirghafori: Got it, exactly. Wonderful, I'm delighted to hear that you talked about that as a happy realization. Because if it wasn't happy, then that's the level at which we'll start working. But make sure there isn't a sense of, "Oh, here I go again," but really that through and through it's a happy realization that, "Oh, I'm clenching. Okay, well, this is the habit pattern of this body. Yay, at least I noticed it right now."

What I'm wondering is there might be some happy realization, but then there is more, "Here I am, here I go again." I would really watch for that, because the more you reward yourself when you feel that clenching—"Yay, this is a sign!"—the more you say, "Well, you know, the mind is going to get lost anyway until it gets very trained. It's like a puppy."

But the point is that if you have a sense of ease in those moments, not a sense of self-flagellation like, "Ah, here my mind is lost again." Of course the mind is going to be lost! At the beginning of the practice, in the middle of the guided meditation, at the very end, of course it will be. You're normal.

If you accept that it's okay, "I'm not defective and it's not wrong and it's part of this training," then more and more actually the mind and the body will relax more into it.

Participant: I think I got you, but I got a little lost at the end there. What do you mean by relaxing into it?

Nikki Mirghafori: When the body is relaxed, the mind tends to relax, and when the mind is relaxed, the body tends to relax also, and you've discovered that through seeing the opposite. Great, that's a very important realization. What is also important is the moment you realize—when there is wakefulness, when there is awareness that, "Oh, there is lack of ease, that the mind is clenched, the mind is clenched in some thought"—oh, guess what? The body is clenched too. That's a very important moment of realization.

When you see the mind and the body clench, and then say, "Ah, okay, all right dear, okay sweetie," you know, self-compassion, right? "Let's start again," instead of, "Damn, I was gone for the past five minutes and I didn't notice it." If you do that, you are putting in place the pattern to be clenched again in the future. But if you relax with ease and compassion, you're actually placing the wiring in your brain, in your heart, in your mind, such that you don't take it so seriously.

"Yeah sure, it was clenched, yeah, I see that. Ah." But if you clench more about the clenching, you keep training yourself in clenching. You see what I'm saying?

Participant: Exactly, it is a vicious cycle.

Nikki Mirghafori: So when you see that, like, "Yeah, I was gone for the past 25 minutes of the guided meditation. Okay, I'm awake now, yay!" Instead of, "Damn it, ah, this whole time I don't even know what she talked about." You know, you're putting in place more clenchiness, instead of undoing the pattern.

"Oh, I just realized I was gone for 25 minutes. Yay! Whoa, now I've come to it," instead of realizing it an hour later, right? So celebrate the fact that you're awake in that moment, and by celebrating it, you'll have more moments of awareness. This is how it builds up, there's no other way.

I so appreciate the question, and it is time. So, yeah, great. Beautiful. Oh, and I'm appreciating the note from Andy: "Very helpful to do this in a group. Otherwise, in coronavirus, my practice has gotten less consistent, so sessions like this help keep me back on the habit." Beautiful.

Yay, that makes me very happy, happy to offer this. Wonderful to practice with all of you tonight. Thank you, thank you for your practice. May you be well, may you be safe, may you be free, and all beings everywhere. Take care. Good night.