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Happy Hour: Seeing Ourselves as Whole

Welcome everyone, welcome to this rendition of happy hour. Lovely to be with you. For today's practice, I'd like to invite us into a practice that I want to call "seeing ourselves as whole." Conceptualizing, accepting, and loving ourselves as whole, or just for simplicity, seeing ourselves as whole.

Not that we go around the world and the first conception is always that we're broken in some way. But sometimes there could be a sense that either there's some physical challenge we have, or maybe there are some ways that we self-flagellate. We are judgmental of ourselves: "Oh, you talk too much," or "You talk too little," or "You love too much," or "You love too little," or "You're too this," or "You're too that." Just all these self-judgments.

In some ways, maybe we don't see ourselves as whole. Sometimes there is something not quite right. Maybe there's some challenges, or say, trauma there has been in the past. If in any way we don't see or conceive of ourselves as whole, or if, say, there's a back pain, we focus on the limitations of this back pain, or this physical condition, or our aging. "Oh yeah, I don't have as much energy as I used to." So all these ways that maybe we don't see ourselves as full, as whole.

What if we choose intentionally not to be Pollyannaish—that's not the intention at all—but given that the Brahma-viharas^[1], the practices of the heart, are cultivation practices, we cultivate a particular way of seeing. We cultivate to see through the eyes of kindness, through the eyes of metta^[2], compassion, gratitude. This is what we cultivate little by little. So these are cultivation practices.

Whereas with mindfulness, with insight practice, with vipassana^[3], we see things as they are. But then again, I argue, and it is true, that we're still seeing from a particular perspective. Even though we're cultivating to see from a particular perspective—with non-attachment, with equanimity^[4], with ease, with curiosity, with non-judgment—there's still some cultivation going on in insight. It's not just seeing things as they are; we're seeing in a particular way.

But anyway, I digress. Especially in the practice of the Brahma-viharas, the practices of the heart—metta, compassion, vicarious joy^[5], equanimity—we are cultivating a particular way of seeing, a particular way of being in the world. And what if we actually choose to tune into what is whole? What is beautiful? What is strong? What is lovely? Our own loveliness, our own strength, our own goodness. This particular way of seeing is a way of cultivating. Yes, not condoning—yes, there is work to do and there's cultivation to be done—and yet, turning to see what is good, what is whole.

This way of seeing what is whole can be about our goodness, our wholesomeness, our kindness. It could also be about the way we show up in the world, the physicality of it, just the way we sit. Because our embodiment goes together with our state of mind. There's a lot more I can say about that, but I'm going to rein myself back so that this doesn't become an hour-long dharma talk. But our physicality, our embodiment, is so important in the way that we show up in the world. It affects our embodiment, impacts our way of being, and our way of being impacts our embodiment. So both of these are important.

As a way of working with that, I have a particular invitation that I will bring in tonight. It's inviting the embodiment of the Buddha, or Kuan Yin^[6], the icon of compassion, or we can choose any living being, alive or passed away. Maybe the Dalai Lama, or Martin Luther King, or Gandhi—whoever really speaks to you. That sense of seeing yourself as whole. Seeing yourself as good, as complete, as loving, physically and in your heart. Those are some invitations I'll bring in little by little. That's the perspective we will cultivate tonight.

Alright, without further ado, let's practice together.

Guided Meditation

Let's land in our bodies. Let's arrive in our seat together.

Feeling our bottom on the cushion, our hands on our lap. The sense of uprightness of the torso. Releasing, relaxing, releasing any tightness or holding. Connecting with the breath. Let the breath move through the body.

Now, the beginning is always taking a few minutes to settle with the breath, with the body, before turning into invitations of cultivation. Just arrive. Just enjoy being breathed. Take refuge in a moment of non-doing. Just sitting, not doing, being breathed.

Let the breath be sensed, known in your lower abdomen. It helps to calm and settle the mind.

Letting go of thoughts of whatever has happened today, what might happen later, plans. Just quiet. Enjoying the silence as much as it is available within.

Letting the breath enter your body as if a song, as if a lullaby. Your favorite tune, maybe an aria, or whatever it is. Song of birds. Connecting with goodness, connecting with beauty, with wholeness with each breath.

Let the act of sitting be a refuge. Let it be nourishing. Nowhere to go, nothing to do, and to just sit here and be nourished by the breath. It's quite simple.

Let the center of gravity of your awareness be dropped down, down, down into your lower belly. Not your head. Ah, maybe that will release your shoulders. Your jaw might be released with this. Releasing into your belly, to your sit bones.

Feeling your body. Feeling your hands, your feet, your sit bones, your belly. Dropping down. Dropping everything that's extra in your mind, just drop it. Gently dropping, not needed.

And while you stay embodied, feeling your feet, your legs, abdomen, your hands, with each breath, invite the Buddha, the paragon of compassion, kindness, or any other being, living or no longer living. Invite them into your heart. Invite them, or as if you are actually entering their body. Sitting here as if there's the embodiment of the Buddha on this cushion, on this chair.

Merging, connecting with yours. Seeing yourself as whole. Seeing yourself as kind. Those qualities of you that are kind, the goodness in you. Goodness of the Buddha. As if you're practicing, yes, the Buddha, or Kuan Yin, or any other being you have invited. A sense of stability. As if you're looking out of their eyes. Though your eyes are closed, but you have their perspective onto the world, onto yourself.

If whomever you've chosen is not accessible, you can spend a little more time feeling the breath, or merge with somebody else, it's okay. Maybe someone more accessible. Maybe someone kind, someone you admire. A teacher, your grandmother. Try sitting tall like whomever you've chosen.

Tuning into the wholesome aspects. If you've chosen a human being, maybe there are some aspects of them that are complicated; you don't have to tune into those. Tune into what's good, into what's wholesome. What do you aspire to?

Have fun with this practice. Find your own way.

It doesn't have to be a lot of thoughts. Actually, not a lot of thinking in this practice, but a sense of embodiment. Just Kuan Yin sitting and breathing here. Kindly, compassionately. Tune into the embodiment, not so much the conceptualization. Keep it simple.

Being breathed as whole, as kind, as loving, as wise. Whatever qualities you admire, you aspire to. Feel their embodiment with this invitation of a deity or another human being.

Tuning into the aspects of you that are whole, are kind. Maybe add the phrases: I am kind. I am whole. I am well. Tuning into the wholeness, kindness, fullness of your being, with or without the phrases that work for you.

And appreciating our own goodness, our own wholeness in our hearts. Bowing to the human being we invited or the archetype for their support. And with generosity, sharing the goodness of our cultivation. Trusting there is goodness here. Trusting there is goodness: we showed up, we tried, we've done our best. Trusting there is goodness, sharing that goodness with all beings everywhere. There is a little more goodness in the world as we practiced. Even if we deem it distracted or sleepy, there are moments of wakefulness. So appreciating ourselves and dedicating that to all beings everywhere. May all beings be happy, may all beings be free, including ourselves.

Thank you for your practice, everyone.

Reflections

I'm changing the chat now; there's an opportunity for sharing your reflections if you like with everyone, or with just me privately in chat. Or you can raise your physical hand or Zoom hand. Share any reflections: what was this like? Or any challenges, and your embodiment. What did you notice? Was it easy? Was it challenging? What worked for you? What didn't work for you?

Well, since the sangha^[7] is rather quiet tonight, let's transition. Well, I see some reflections coming in. One person says it felt very soothing. Brian says, "After feeling a sense of enoughness, I started to visualize my business in a very different way. The money we generate being something that flows in and out." Nice, I like that. Nice different relationship to dharma in the world. Yeah.

One of you says—let's see, it's been sent to me privately—"I showed up, I tried, I did my best. Thank you for that. I felt that truth for the first time in a long while." Beautiful. So beautiful to connect with that. Another person says, "Very peaceful."

Something that we don't own, yes. Money exactly flowing in. And to Brian, who was sharing the reflection of visualizing money going in and out, yes, the flow, the flow of generosity. Nothing is ours, really. Just passing through this life for a limited time. We don't take it with us; we didn't come with any of it. Similar for businesses, it's all a flow. In between all beings, flow of generosity, resources. Beautiful, thank you for those reflections.

So I wonder, what do you aspire to in this practice? As you were coming together, as you were sitting and inviting an archetype or a being, and seeing yourself in the ways you aspire to, what is your aspiration? What are your values? That would be something lovely to reflect on, and also to hold yourself with, to let yourself be held and witnessed by others. So that is the prompt for our breakout groups, which we'll go to in a moment after Neil says what he wants to say. Oh Neil, you disappeared, where'd you go? There you are.

Neil: Yeah, you know, I really like this practice. I find picturing someone and then becoming them is a strategy that routinely works for me, I use it often. And I just found myself being very generous and caring with myself. It was very sweet and tender for me. Thank you for the practice.

Nikki: Sweet and tender with yourself, lovely. And I applaud that you have practiced, and you know the routes that work for you, to keep cultivating this way. Thank you. So soothing, yeah, me too. So calming, so loving, so generous. This practice can be beautiful.

So dear ones, with respect to the breakout groups, what we'll do is roughly groups of three. It is so beautiful to let yourself be held witness when you speak, when you say your aspiration, your intention, your goodness. "This is what I aspire to. I aspire to truthfulness." (I find myself telling white lies—we don't have to say that part. No, "I aspire to be truthful," or whatever it is.) It's so beautiful to be held witness and share your aspirations, share your goodness, because there's a lot of goodness here. So you can share your aspiration if you like, you can say something about the practice, or you can just say "pass" when your turn comes. Maybe in the next round when it comes back to you, maybe you'll say something, maybe you don't, maybe you just hold the space.

So let's go in first-name alphabetical order. Just offer a nugget, the next person will offer a nugget, the next person will offer a nugget or silence. Then you go around and round a few times. It's lovely to be with the sangha, to be generous with others, to hold them. It's so fun to offer generosity to others and also receive generosity. So enjoy this practice, it's quite sweet, and take care of each other, take care of yourselves. I'm opening the rooms now.

[Breakout groups occur]

Here we go, everybody's back. Welcome back. We've got a few minutes for reflections, for comments, questions. What did you discover in the groups? What was that like? Especially if you're new, we'd love to hear from you.

Richard: Well, my aspiration is to be focused in what I do, whatever I'm doing, whether it's reading or playing music or whatever it is. And I guess that's the concentration part of the Eightfold Path^[8]. Am I wrong there?

Nikki: No, that's good, that's it! That is the concentration part, yeah. Actually, it's partly concentration on the Eightfold Path, and it's also a little bit of wise engagement or energy, viriya^[9]. So you want to be engaged in a fruitful and wholesome way. So I would say a little bit of that is there too. Thanks, Richard.

Bill says, "I found that when I directed my attention to my breath, I tightened up, constricted." Oh, interesting. How was this different from practicing other times, Bill? You don't have to say anything, but if you want to, you're welcome to.

Bill: I don't know, maybe I was just more conscious of my breath this time out, but it's not like, you know, when you're about to fall asleep and your breath is just very much at ease. It was definitely not that. It's just like, by paying attention to my breath, there's something about it that seems to make me tighten up and it becomes more constricted.

Nikki: It's interesting because I know that this was happening for you some time ago, and then you've been working with it and there's a lot of ease and relaxation that has come. This hasn't come up for a while, I haven't heard you mention this for a while. So it's always different, it's interesting for you to explore, right? What made this different after having worked with bringing your center of gravity, attention, all of that down. Interesting.

Bill: Yeah, I'm not entirely sure. What I can say is that my battery is running low, so if I wink out, that's what's happening.

Nikki: Great, thank you. Any other reflections, or any quick ones from the groups, from being held witness or holding other people witness with their aspirations? Did you find it inspiring or not? Just so that I know whether this is a good prompt for next time. Feedback?

Katrin: Um, yeah, I liked it. It's challenging for me, but I really liked your emphasis on embodying these beings as opposed to thinking about how I might be like them, because then I'm like, well, then I'm super not living up to that. And just the invitation to connect with Kuan Yin was really lovely. Feeling in my body, because my body is like, there's nothing wrong, that's a base of goodness.

Nikki: Beautiful, natural state. Great, thank you, Katrin. I love the embodiment. And Fossil also says, "I like the prompt," and so does Amy, "I found it sweet and lovely too." Beautiful, and I saw another person give a thumbs up for the prompt. Okay, so that's fantastic, thank you. Diana, I see your hand, but it's 7:01 already... oh, you're like, it's all good, it's been covered. [Laughter] Thank you all, thank you so much for your practice, for showing up, for cultivating this practice for yourself, for the sake of all those whose lives you touch directly and indirectly. May all beings be happy, may all beings be well and free, including ourselves. Thanks, everyone.