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Happy Hour: Generosity as Metta

Welcome, welcome to Happy Hour. So happy to see you, dear Sangha^[1]. I just heard this beautiful, alternative way to think about Sangha, which I absolutely love, and I wanted to share with you as I welcome all of you.

As you can see each other on Zoom—on gallery view if you wish—and as many of you have joined before and participated in the small groups, there's a sense of being seen and being reflected. This definition of Sangha is: "Those who sing the song back to you when you have forgotten it."

When they sing the song of the Dharma^[2] back to you—when your heart might have forgotten it a little bit—they help you get back in tune. I thought that was a beautiful definition of Sangha. To be reflected, to listen to them and realize, "Oh yeah," as your heart gets in tune by seeing your own reflection. They sing the song of the Dharma back to you. So welcome, dear Sangha, we're all holders of the Dharma together, holders of the practice.

The invitation for today, what I'd like to explore in the guided meditation, is for us to explore experientially—not in our heads, but experientially—the relationship between metta^[3], which is translated as loving-kindness, kindness, friendliness, goodwill, warmth, care, and love. There are so many different nuances of metta. We'll explore the relationship of metta to another beautiful concept, which is dana^[4]—generosity, a largeness of heart, of giving.

I think it was last week we explored the relationship between metta and patience, which is another one of the ten paramis^[5]—the ten beautiful qualities or perfections. Patience is one of them, generosity is another, and by the way, so is metta. We have these three, and I think there's a beautiful relationship for us to discover.

One thought that I'd like us to see as we explore it experientially is that generosity—whether you're generous with your actions, with your thoughts, with your resources, with your time, with your affection, with your smile, with your presence with someone, or if that someone is yourself and you're being generous with yourself—is an act of offering. Making an offering of the resources that are available to you can be synonymous, in some ways, with metta, with an act of care and warmth.

Again, they're not completely the same, but there are nuances and ways they relate to each other. I want to invite us to explore that: to see how they're maybe the same, how they're different, and how maybe sitting with the idea of metta brings a different aspect of generosity to mind. Sitting with the idea of dana (generosity), another aspect of metta that you haven't quite related to comes up.

It's an invitation for us to explore, as there are so many different ways to experience these beautiful qualities. It expands our range and our repertoire, as if we were musicians of the heart. We might think, "Oh yeah, we can play the scales up and down," and then discover, "Wow, there's another scale!" so we can have a wider range.

With that introduction, if you're game for trying to explore these two beautiful qualities of the heart, I invite you to get into your meditation posture. And I should also remember to record, which I forgot! Here we go.

Guided Meditation

Okay, all right. I invite you to get into your meditation posture, letting yourself land comfortably. Inviting yourself to land, letting go of all the words, and simply landing in this body, in this moment.

Landing in your sit bones. Landing in your lower belly, your lower abdomen. Receiving the breath.

Inviting your body, all your muscles, to let go. To relax as much as possible with every out-breath. Landing more deeply into your seat.

Letting go of the helium balloons of thought—floaty and light for now. Letting go of the string. Landing. Relishing the heaviness, the weight, the groundedness of the body with each out-breath. Letting go.

Landing internally some more. For the next five out-breaths, challenge yourself, invite yourself at the end of the out-breath to land more. Letting go of more tension, softening, relaxing until every muscle is loose.

Maybe inviting yourself for one more breath, one more out-breath. See if you can let go of even more tightness and tension, and let go some more. Surprise yourself.

Letting the breath move in and out freely throughout the body. Calming, soothing. Letting awareness receive each breath inside the framework of the body, connected to the felt sense of the body, wherever it's easiest to feel the breath.

Maybe the front of the abdomen. How about the right side of the abdomen? How about letting awareness receive the breath in the back of the abdomen? Inviting your awareness to be there, in your lower back. How about the left side of the abdomen? Now the entire lower abdomen—front, right, back, left. All the sensations of the breath filling this area energetically.

Inviting the breath to be sensed a little higher up, maybe around the solar plexus. Moving further up in your chest. Moving further up in your throat, your face, and head. Energizing, relaxing. And up through your head, expanding.

Run down again from your sit bones through your legs. Maybe there's a sense of tingling. And down through your feet. A sense of the whole body receiving the breath. Energized, vibrating.

This gift of generosity, this breath received each and every moment. Of course, you can just take it for granted; it's just air. That's one perspective, sure, that's fine. Another perspective brings more meaningfulness, more beauty, more grace to each and every breath. A more soulful perspective, if you wish—just an invitation to experiment.

Experimenting, and again, not pushing it, just inviting to see. Seeing the breath as a gift of generosity that's received opens something up. It opens more dimensionality, more possibilities of perception, more ways to see instead of closing them down one-dimensionally. What I mean by that is one dimension is just to say it's the physical act of breathing. What if you invite yourself to open up to more dimensions?

Now, I'd like to invite you to bring to mind the image of some being in your life who, in some way, has been generous to you. Maybe not in every way, but in some way. Maybe they've been generous with their time. Maybe they've given you a gift of some sort—taught you something, a physical gift, a financial gift, or something. Or maybe they lent you a hand when you were in need of support. Some act of generosity. Maybe it's with their smile.

Bring to mind some act of generosity you've been the recipient of. And the being who's given you this gift of generosity, feel it in your mind's eye. Your mind at this point might be flooded with so many examples. Just choose one; we can bring more folks in a moment.

And with this being, feeling in your body, letting yourself feel. Receiving the same way that you receive the breath in your body, in different areas of your body: abdomen, chest, etc. Now let yourself feel as if you're receiving this gift they've given you. Receive it with your body, with a felt sense.

What does it feel like to receive it, as if you're receiving your breath energetically? What does that feel like, receiving this gift? Can you sense the goodwill, the friendliness, the care also in your body? The care, the metta, the friendliness, warmth—whatever nuance of it you feel. And where do you feel it? If it's diffused, don't worry, you don't have to get too exact. But it might reveal itself to you more precisely. Either is fine. Feeling, receiving.

Now, I'd like to invite you, if you wish, to bow to this being and invite another being who's given you some other gift of generosity. Let yourself feel it in your body, how it felt to receive this gift. And now tuning into the frequency of goodwill, kindness, metta, care, and friendliness that's coming from this being who's given you the gift. It's as if it's the box, the wrapping paper, the ribbon enveloping the gift you've received. Tune into that, and maybe see where it's felt in the body. If it's easy to sense, great; if not, it's okay, diffused is fine.

Now bowing to this being in your mind's eye and inviting another being who has given you a gift, to explore a different range, a different frequency. See if you can receive, with your body's felt sense, this memory of receiving this gift. Also feel yourself relaxing, softening, and receiving the love.

If any judgmental voices come up at any time—"Oh, I don't deserve this," "I'm not worthy," "Who are you? Who is your little self to get in the way of the beauty and the grace of you who receives, who can receive fully the love and care that comes towards you"—let it land. Knowing that the true nature of your heart is so expansive. You can receive so much, and it can give so much.

And if the little self is getting in the way with not-enoughness, bow to it, smile to it, saying, "Thank you, I'm experimenting with a different perspective. A perspective of opening up to the magnificence that is part of my heart, the expansiveness of my heart, part of the gift I've received in the divinity of being human in ways I can't quite understand and fathom. But I'm not going to get in its way in this moment. Just for once, to see what it feels like."

Now inviting all three of these beings—and maybe more beings, if more want to come to your circle, it's okay, or just these three are fine too. Letting yourself receive, letting your expansive heart receive all the gifts and generosities showered upon you just because. Also feeling and receiving the goodness, the goodwill, the friendliness, the care, the love.

And now I'd like to invite you to pause, to take a breath. Noticing the expansiveness of your heart, the generosity of your own heart. Not just in receiving, but in giving, which for many of us might even be easier than receiving.

With one of these beings, bring to mind a gift you've given to them. Maybe a gift of time, resources, a physical gift, the gift of attention, the gift of support, a financial gift—whatever gift you've given them. Feel into the generosity of your own heart. The delight, the goodness that arises from the sense of generosity, of giving a gift. How your heart delights in giving of itself to another as an offering.

And now tuning into the care, the affection, the goodwill, the warmth, and the love in this act of giving. Slightly different frequencies. And if they both seem like the same, it's okay too. It's fine. Sit with whatever reveals itself to you in this moment.

Bowing to this being one more time. Inviting another being—maybe one of the three, maybe someone else—to whom you have given a gift. Recalling and recollecting this giving of a gift. Letting your heart delight, to be glad, to rejoice in its own generosity, its own dana. And where do you feel it in the body? Staying connected to the body so we don't get too heady. Where is it felt? The delight, the joy of giving this gift to this dear being.

And now tuning in, letting your body tune into the sense of goodwill, care, love, and metta for this being.

For the last moment of this sitting, I'd like to drop in a reflection, letting it resonate in you if you wish. Not to think about it or solve it, but just to let it be dropped into your body, to your chest, your heart center, your abdomen.

What if this unique life of yours that you're living—with all its ups and downs, its challenges, its joys, its sorrows—what if this unique expression of being you living this life is an act of generosity, as your offering to the world? And what if this gift, this offering that is you, your life, is also your most profound expression of metta, love, internally and externally?

Reflections

Thank you all, welcome back. If you'd like to offer maybe a word or a phrase to what is arising for you right now, you can offer it in the chat if you wish. You can also unmute yourself if you wish and share.

To get us started, I'll share what's coming up for me. This synonymous aspect of the gift of dana with metta, and my life as an offering in a profound and unfathomable way to be explored.

Olivia offers, "Expansive love." Thank you, Olivia.

Yazna: First, that was beautiful, thank you.

Nikki: You're welcome, Yazna. Thanks for being here.

Nav offers, "Warmth of gratitude." Lovely.

Kim writes, "Expanded." Nice. It's all welcome, by the way, whatever is arising.

Kaelin writes, "Connection."

Prajna writes, "Appreciation of community."

Andrea offers, "Hope."

Thank you all. Beautiful to do this exploration together. Are there other reflections you want to share before we go into groups? You're welcome to unmute yourself if you want, if there's more you want to say about what you've discovered. Megan, please.

Megan: I was just going to say, when you mentioned breath as gift, I started to tear up, and it was so interesting and a little bit surprising. But I think what I was thinking about was I was working all weekend, like 65 hours straight basically in the ICU, and I had a couple of very young patients that were just doing very poorly. One of them we had to put on ECMO, which means basically they can't survive with just the ventilator alone. And it just hit me so hard how much breathing is a gift. So I thought that it was interesting and surprising and really lovely.

Nikki: Thank you so much, Megan, for bringing that in. What you brought into the group, I feel the reverberation in my body, the profound... see, the hairs are getting raised! Thank you, dear. Any other reflections? Yazna.

Yazna: Nikki, may I say, you said something like, "Our life is a gift to the world," and I never saw it that way. It really shifted perspective in my head, that what I'm doing for the world is helping others, and it is a gift to the world. So it's helping my self-esteem and self-appreciation. I thank you for that gift because that was a big gift, thank you.

Nikki: Thank you, Yazna. I so appreciate you bringing that in. There are so many dimensions about this to explore. I've been exploring this perspective actually for a few years, and it keeps deepening. It keeps opening up to other dimensions of beauty and reciprocity, and living one's life as a different kind of meaning. So I so appreciate you bringing that in, Yazna, how it shifted you inside, it affected you. It is really profound.

Yazna: Anyhow, I just wanted to say that it's hard to put in words how meaningful that was to me and how important it was what you said.

Nikki: Thank you. I appreciate that, and you said it beautifully. Thank you. Yuka offers, "I could receive nature love." Oh, thank you! Beautiful. Thank you, Yuka, your words make me happy. Any other reflections before we go into small groups? It feels really rich today.

Small Group Breakout

Okay, so the invitation now is to engage with a small group of roughly three or four participants, or Sangha members—those who sing back the song of the Dharma to your heart if your heart has forgotten it. Relate to yourself and to them with this sense of generosity. Be generous with yourself if nothing comes up for you to say, and be generous with them too. See this interplay of generosity and metta. The prompt is: How is the practice for you?

There's no right and wrong. As always, you can say, "I didn't like it," "I fell asleep." All good. No judgment, being completely generous with yourself, whatever arises in your heart, in your body. So I'm going to make the rooms now. And if you decide this is not the right evening for you to engage, that's fine too. It's all good.

Okay, a little bit of technical difficulty! Here we go. Let's see, all right, I think I have it. Yes, here we go in the rooms section. Ah, why did this happen? All right, the rooms are a little bigger tonight; they're like three or four people. I'm recreating them one more time. Oh joy! [Laughter] Okay, let's do it one more time. Do I have it this time? Yes, now you can be generous with me as I'm trying hard to get these rooms figured out in real time. Okay, I have it. Rooms are opening here. Here we go, dear ones.

Post-Group Reflections

Okay everyone, welcome back. Lovely to have you back. How was it? Let's hear some reflections. Unmute yourself, go.

Prajna: Well, I was with Kaelin and with Yuka, and it was really funny that all three of us have ties to Jakarta. Kaelin's in Jakarta, I'm from Jakarta, and Yuka's lived in Jakarta. So it's kind of random we all got grouped together in one place. I think my sharing was that, you know, life is up and down like you say, and it's both great. The meditation that I had was kind of like I was going in and out, but I just appreciated that things were being uncovered, and I just sat with it, and it's all good.

Nikki: Lovely, beautiful. Thank you for sharing that, Prajna. And I also love how the three of you with the Jakarta connections ended up randomly—that's why I kept making the rooms! Just kidding. [Laughter] It's lovely. And I love how you're sharing, you know, life has ups and downs, and various aspects were coming up, and you're just sitting with them all. Beautiful. Just sitting with it all, not turning away. Thank you. Any other last-minute quick reflections? Nav, you're unmuted, go.

Nav: Yeah, I was with Christine and Trudy, and Christine actually reminded me of something really important, which is sometimes the quest for perfection for giving a gift prevents a gift from ever being given. So just giving without worrying about how it looks or what it is, is so important.

Nikki: Beautiful. I love the wisdom of that. Thank you, Nav, for sharing that, and thank you, Christine, for bringing that.

Christine: Please... yeah, so actually the context it came up in for me is that during the meditation, it kept popping into my head, "Oh, I want to write a thank you note to this person, and that person, and that person." And the reason I don't is because of my perfectionism, because I won't word it exactly, I won't capture really what's in my heart. And so I don't send it. I really would like to do that. There's one I'd like to do as soon as I get off here, just write it and see what it is.

Nikki: I love it. I love the wisdom of that. And the one reflection that comes up for me, it's almost like not wanting to birth something beautiful into the world until it's perfect. "Oh child, you can't come into the world until you are absolutely perfect and you're going to get the Nobel Prize!" No, it's just perfect as it is. Let it come to the world, give it birth. It has perfection in its existence. So birth that thank you note, it's perfect in its existence.

Thank you all. This has been so joyous to practice together tonight. How rich, really, how rich everything that you've brought in of yourselves. You've really offered yourselves. You always do that, and I just want to name how you've made offerings of yourself tonight, both for yourself and everyone you've supported. You've lived your life as an offering. How beautiful, here is an example of it.

So thank you all. May you all be well, happy, and free, and all beings everywhere. Thank you, take care, be happy, and see you on Wednesday. Bye.