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Introduction

Okay, so hello and welcome everyone to this rendition of Happy Hour. Today's Happy Hour, I'd like to invite us to consider bringing a perspective of, and the practice of, joy to bring more joy into our lives. Joy is a very important practice. It's not a luxury. It's not reserved for some. And also, if I'm a serious Buddhist practitioner, "Oh no, I would be really serious, I wouldn't have so much joy." Quite the opposite, actually. Joy, happiness, and bliss are parts of the path as the Buddha has taught this—the path leading to nirvana^[1], to liberation, to freedom.

The steps along the way actually require the happy heart. Happiness, bliss, and joy are part of the path. When the heart is happy, when the mind is joyous, letting go becomes easier. Concentration, settling of the mind, becomes easier. So, it's actually good for our practice, and also it's good for our humanity. Joy and gladness are good for all of us and for others too, as we show up in the world, as we serve others. Practice is not supposed to be this grim duty.

There is a line that I heard recently in a documentary that I saw and wanted to share with you. The documentary was excellent, by the way, so highly recommended. The name of the documentary is Jazz Fest: A New Orleans Story. I don't know if any of you have seen it yet, but I saw it on the plane when I was coming back. So whether or not you're interested in jazz, it was a really wonderful documentary about New Orleans, the challenges that New Orleans has had with Hurricane Katrina, and also the joy of music and musicians creating. There was this line that really caught my attention. One of the musicians was saying—and I forget whom, so I can't give him credit: "Life is to be enjoyed, not endured."

Life is to be enjoyed, not endured. And that really landed for me, especially the word "endured," because I think sometimes maybe our perspective becomes one of enduring. Like, "Okay, alright, suffering. I'm going to endure this some more. I'm going to be really loyal to my suffering. I'm going to endure this life." And yet, we forget about joy. We forget about enjoying. How can we bring more joy? It's not just about hedonic pleasures so that we distract ourselves into oblivion, just enjoying and not looking at sorrow and suffering. But the balance is needed. The balance is needed—not just trying to endure, but also bringing joy and gladness.

And that's what we do at Happy Hour. We do try to feel into the suffering; of course it's there. But we bring care, we bring love, we bring gladness, we bring joy. We do that. So this is a practice we do already, but this is another way to really look at it, from this perspective of this quote: not to just be endured, but to have joy, to cultivate joy.

So with that as the frame for this practice, let's meditate together.

Happy Hour: To Be Enjoyed, Not Endured

I'd like to invite you to arrive, to settle in your seat. Arrive in your body.

Ah, to settle here. Here. Whatever has happened, all the busyness that has come before, let it go. And just arrive here in this moment. Here. Here.

If the mind is flighty, just use the simple word "here." Very kind. "Well, here, sweetheart. Here. Just here. Just here with this body, with these sensations, with this breath. Just here, darling, here."

You can rest. Please rest. Please rest.

Taking a few moments, just rest. There's no doing to be done. Let the heart be quiet and at peace, at rest. The body just being breathed. The comfort of taking refuge^[2] in this moment.

Letting go, letting go, letting go of thoughts. If they come, saying, "Thank you, thank you, not now." As if the breath is a pleasant, loving lullaby that's calming your heart, calming the body in this moment. Oh dear body, dear heart, rest. Rest. Rest, sweetheart, relax. It's okay, it's okay. It can all wait, really.

And when you find the mind is wandering, thinking, ah, smile and relax the body some more. Let go some more. Lean into this moment with ease, as if you're stretching your arms, your limbs. Like yawning, landing, arriving, stretching into this moment more fully. Here, here, here, darling. Tell yourself, "Just here."

This meditation is not to be endured. It is to be enjoyed. See what happens when you drop this reflection into your heart, into your body. Not your head, not to think about it, just to drop this in as if you were taking a drop of color and dropping it into water. Let this drop of color imbue this perspective, imbue your heart: this meditation is not to be endured; it is to be enjoyed. See what shifts in your heart and your body, your mind, with this. This meditation is not to be endured. It's to be enjoyed, to be enjoyed. Not to think how it can be enjoyed. Don't think, just drop it in. Your mind, your body knows what to do. Just trust. Just drop it in and rest and trust. Your heart will find its way. Let yourself be surprised.

No thinking or planning. Just be breathed.

Can you enjoy being breathed? The breath moving through your abdomen, chest, your limbs. A sense of solitude, delicious. With the breath, just here, knowing. Simply knowing this simple yet sublime moment.

Drop the reflection into your body: this meditation is not to be endured. It's to be enjoyed. Having time to yourself, precious time to be silent, to be breathed. The support of sangha^[3], community. Caring, caring for yourself. All aspects of care. Let yourself enjoy the goodness in all of this, at this simple moment. Can this breath be enjoyed? This in-breath, this out-breath, not just endured. Let your mind find the way. Don't struggle. Your mind knows how to do this. Relax.

Can the sensations of breathing in the body—whatever sensations are arising, even if some are unpleasant—can they still be enjoyed? To have a body, to sense, to feel, to be alive. Not just endured having a body. Can it be enjoyed? This process of sitting, sensing, listening, feeling, touching. Even if you're tired or hungry, can all this be enjoyed, not just endured? A shift in perspective, a shift in perspective.

Can this moment of your life, right here, simply sitting, being breathed in meditation... can the heart open to the sense of enjoyment of this moment? Not just enduring this moment, trying to get through it to get to the next. What if we let go of that way of being, that way of seeing, and just enjoyed what is? If there are challenges, a crowd of sorrows, can we open up to them? "Hello, life. Hi." This moment, what a smorgasbord. Not to endure, but to enjoy what is. This impermanent life, permanent moments. Not to just endure them—they pass through quickly, all too soon. But to enjoy the fleetingness, not in spite of, but because of its fleeting nature.

And if there's a challenge arising in your sphere of experience right now—whether it's pleasant sensations in the body, fatigue, anxiousness, whatever is happening right now—can we have a really spacious perspective? Not just endure it, but can we expand our perspective? Expand our heart, breathe around it. Let the fact that this is at all, whatever it is here, can it be appreciated, even enjoyed? That anything exists at all, even if it has an unpleasant feeling too.

And maybe a sense that can arise when the mind settles could be that there is just enjoyment, there's just delight. There isn't "me" and "mine"—I want this, I don't want that person to me or mine. It's just enjoyment, delight, gladness knowing itself. Being known, not owned. Not claimed, without ownership.

For the last moments of this practice period, can we enjoy that we sat, we practiced? No matter what arose or did not arise, it doesn't matter. Let the judgments go. You showed up, you did your best. You planted seeds of wholesomeness. Yay! Can you enjoy that? Yes! Wholesomeness planted, watered. Yay. Enjoying your own goodness. Let there be delight. Yes, I am here. I am here.

Sharing this goodness with all beings everywhere. May my goodness, my cultivation, and taking delight, really recognizing this goodness... may it serve as a cause and condition for goodness in the world. All beings everywhere, may all beings be happy, may all beings be free, including myself.

Thank you friends, thank you for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

Ah, so we have a few minutes for reflections, questions, comments, anything that might have arisen. And please raise your Zoom hand, because if you raise your physical hand, I will not see you. And you can also type in chat. If you type to everyone, I'll read your name. If you just type to me, I won't read your name, but just your reflection, so it'll be private.

And I see Claire. Yes, Claire.

Claire: Thank you. This gives me a chance to tell one of my all-time favorite stories of my whole life. I was listening to the radio many years ago, and they were interviewing an actress who was like Doris Day, somebody who always played really happy parts. And they were asking her about her life, and it went on from one awful story to a worse one. It just was—her life was miserable. And so the interviewer finally interrupted the interview and he said, "You know, I've got to ask you. With the life you've had, how could you possibly play the parts you do?" And she paused, and she said, "Well, you know, at one point I realized that I had a choice, and I chose joy." And that has stuck with me my whole life, and I go with it.

Nikki: Beautiful. Yeah, exactly. We have a choice. Happiness is a choice you make. Beautiful, thank you, Claire, that's lovely. Such wisdom, right? It can arise in so many places, so many ways. She had a choice, and we have a choice. Every single one of us. Thank you, Claire. So may we choose joy. May we choose joy, not a perspective of having to endure another moment, another day, even if it's challenging as it is. It's human life, we all have our challenges. Welcome to being human. Thanks, Claire.

So any other reflections, questions, comments? Richard says, "Gratitude works for me. Yay."

Any other reflections? Here is a specific question: As I was inviting you to really try a perspective of, especially if there was enduring, shifting towards enjoying... did anyone play with that? Did it open up something for you in the practice that it wouldn't have? Was there a moment in your practice like, "Okay, another meditation practice, ah, breath in... Oh, can I enjoy this?" Did any of you have a shift that opened something up for you? I would love to hear.

Fuzzo, please.

Fuzzo: I just thought of some things that, you know, I have to do that I'm not particularly excited about. It's like, "Well, maybe I can approach it from a different perspective."

Nikki: Great, great, awesome. Yeah, thank you for that. Yeah, I was also reflecting on that myself. There are a few things I need to do, and I thought, "What if I really enjoy doing it?"

Susan, I see your hand, please.

Susan: Yeah, that was a great reminder about the joy thing. I definitely got raised, and then my life as a consultant, it really reinforced, you know, "work before play" kind of thing. And is the to-do list ever done? Right? So this is great, you know, it's like, "Oh yeah, just enjoy," you know? Two days ago, I learned that a dear friend of mine had just had a massive stroke. And so I was pretty upset yesterday. And then today I started getting more accepting of it, and then, you know, it's like, "Okay, I think it's still okay to enjoy that I'm alive and not having a stroke." Just how, as you said, how precious and fleeting and fragile it is, and even more reason to enjoy it.

Nikki: Yeah, exactly. Beautiful. Thank you for bringing that reflection in, Susan. How it's alive for you. Yeah, we're here. It's to be enjoyed, to be grateful for, not to focus on all the challenges. "Yeah, I'm alive, I don't have XYZ, a stroke being one of them." And also when you pointed out, chuckling, like, "Yeah, this always work before play." You know, always have a to-do list. The to-do list is never going to end. I'm going to die with an unfinished to-do list, I know that. So we're never done. So that's sweet. Thank you, Susan. Thanks for those reflections.

Okay, Avi has a reflection here I'll read. It's a long one. Let's see: "Related to enduring, it engaged my identity clinging, so to speak. I found joy and a small internal tension toward fear of the idea of just enduring. And then the moment of awareness around my fear of unhappiness. I'm also grateful for finding silver linings, much like the actor's story that Claire mentioned, with pain or suffering, finding the space there to learn, I guess. So thank you so very much. I get curious about equanimity^[4] around abundant joy. Finding the balance, and even background joy of neutrality?"

I think I'm a little unclear about the question at the end, Avi, if you want to raise your hand and clarify the question at the end. I have a curiosity about equanimity of abundance. Well, maybe I'll say something if I don't address it. So equanimity, you know, which is the sense of equipoise and evenness of mind, is not falling into nor pushing away. So with joy, you can absolutely enjoy and have delight, as long as you don't attach to it like, "I want more of this. I want this to be the rest of my life. Oh, this is great, yum yum yum." It's like kissing the joy as it flies. You just kiss it as it flies, and there is the equanimity. It's like, "Oh yeah," you kiss it as it flies instead of trying to catch a butterfly and pin it and kill it. It's like, "No, let the joy be." So that's the way equanimity can be coexistent with abundant joy. Yeah.

I see a comment here: "Sometimes I could cry or I could laugh." I see this as a comment, I'm not quite sure how to reflect on that, so I'll let that sit as it is.

Many reflections on YouTube here. I'll pick a couple: "Not a moment, but I'm coming out of the practice time in the mode of enjoying, not enduring. Yay!" Great, Morty. And, "You listened to my conversation with Sam Harris and were inspired by my life story." May it be of service. May it serve you. Thank you. Morty also says, "Die with a completed bucket list but incomplete to-do list sounds a-okay to me." Oh, that's fine.

Small Group Practice

So, dear ones, the time has come for us to practice sharing our joy, sharing our kindness in small groups. So we've done it now in silence in our meditation, and now we get the chance to enter the sandbox and practice relationally. So we'll create the breakout rooms, and as always the invitation is: be kind to yourself, be kind to others.

You're invited to just offer a nugget, maybe just a word, you know. Just say a sentence of what this practice was like for you. And you can also offer silence and say "pass" and hold kind space for yourself and others. The next person will say something, and then the third person, and it will come back to you. So please don't take the entire time with a long monologue. Just say one short nugget and make space for others as an act of kindness, as an act of generosity and care for everyone. It may not be appropriate to give your whole life story in a monologue. Just a little nugget, just as an act of kindness to yourself and to others.

And let's speak in reverse alphabetical order. And again, just speaking from your own experience, not managing the group, just showing up with humility and kindness. So I'm opening the rooms. Take care of yourself, take care of each other, and be kind and enjoy each other. Here we go.

(Breakout rooms close)

Okay, all the rooms are closed, everybody's back. Well, we had wonderful reflections before. I see one quick follow-up question from Avi, so I'll just respond to it. What she's following up on is about choosing moments of neutrality instead of joy or enduring. I would investigate whether there is a masquerading of choosing neutrality^[5] that is actually pushing something away, whether it's pushing joy away or pushing suffering away. I'm hearing some masquerading there, so I invite you to explore that. Opening up to it is very different than choosing neutrality; there's some pushing away there. So watch out for that.

Announcements and Closing

Alright, dear ones. Thank you so much for your practice, for your cultivation, supporting each other, supporting yourselves. And I see gratitude for your group there. In the chat I see, "May all beings be well. May all beings be happy and free, including ourselves."

Thank you all, take care. I should have mentioned this earlier, I forgot. Maybe I'll ask Neil if he can send an email to the group. I'm teaching a concentration retreat at Spirit Rock on land for the next ten days, so there are still spaces available if you want to do a retreat last minute. Usually, this one is by lottery only, but there are some last-minute cancellations. And there's also another program that's starting in a couple of weeks, and that's Mindful Leadership Training. It's a five-month training program.

So I'll be away for the next ten days, and actually the next two weeks teaching these two programs. I look forward to seeing you when I get back, and we'll send more information to the Happy Hour Google groups. Alright, thank you all. Take good care.