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Happy Hour: (Re)Parenting Ourselves with Love and Play

Introduction

Hello and welcome everyone. Welcome to Happy Hour. Lovely to see you, to be with you. For today's practice, I'd like to invite us to work with the theme that I've introduced in the past. Tonight again, we'll work with it from yet another angle, from another perspective, and that is to treat ourselves the way we would treat a beloved other.

We're often kind to people. We're kind and loving to the people we care about. Maybe we cook for them with just an additional sense of care and kindness. Maybe we are considerate of them: "Oh, how are you doing?" We are just very caring, very loving of them. We honor them, we recognize them. The way we treat a beloved other is with care, with love, with respect. We give them our time. We sit and listen unhurriedly. We don't go, "Okay, are you done yet? Are you done being sad now? Are you done being whatever? Like okay, I gotta go." There's a sense of, "I'm here for you. I care for you. Your pains are important. Your body is hurting, what can I do for you?" There is a sense of care, a sense of love, a sense of affection. What if we treated ourselves like a beloved other?

In the guided meditation, I will invite that perspective, and also for our daily life—which, as you know, this practice is also for. What if we brought that same perspective to tonight when we take ourselves to bed? When you are putting yourself to bed, what if it were as if you're putting this beloved other to bed? Imagine you had this precious, precious child and you're putting them to bed. How would you tuck them in? How would you perhaps even plant a little kiss on their forehead? Or maybe if you're brushing their teeth, you wouldn't be doing it like, "Okay, let's get this over with." [Laughter] It would be like, "Oh, here sweetie, I don't want to hurt you. Here, I'm doing this to take care of you, to take care of your teeth."

What if we all brushed our teeth—choose one thing you do tonight or tomorrow, maybe you make yourself tea or coffee, let's talk about brushing teeth—you do it lovingly, really caringly, taking time for yourself. Our practice will continue not just in the sitting, but throughout the evening or whatever your time zone might be. I see Marie Christine, it's morning there, afternoon—whatever your time zone might be, for the rest of your day.

I think that's all I want to say to frame this right now. Let's just land in the practice space together and give our heart to ourselves.

Guided Meditation

I'd like to invite you to arrive, to land in this body at this moment in time. Letting go of thoughts, of concerns, of whatever has come before, and just arriving here. I'm here.

For the first few minutes of our practice together, as usual, we will just arrive with the breath, with the body. Connecting with the breath in the abdomen. In-breath and out-breath, relaxing with each breath.

And as thoughts arise, as they inevitably will, it's okay. Treating the thoughts, yourself, with kindness. Hello, thoughts. Thank you, and not now. I'm landing in a moment of refuge here in this quiet sense of peace within, connecting with myself in this moment.

Connecting with the breath in the abdomen. Appreciating the fullness or the shallowness, however it is. Appreciatively connecting with the breath. Here, now.

Inviting the body to relax, release, let go. On the next out-breath, release. Ah, then release some more. Here, now. Without judgment, without yanking, smilingly taking refuge here, now. Yay, yippee!

Now I'd like to invite you, if you wish, to consider these invitations as support for your practice in whatever way they may serve. Let's imagine there is this beautiful, magnificent child whose care is entrusted to you. This child is very special. So much goodness, so much potential. You really look into the eyes of this child and you see so much goodness. You see their Buddha-nature^[1], you see the divine. Just this beautiful, magnificent child that you're supposed to take care of.

You're supposed to brush their teeth, comb their hair, cook for them, feed them, bathe them, put clothes on them. Keep them comfortable, support them. If they're in pain, if they cry, comfort them. And you want to. It doesn't feel like you should, you want to. There is a connection with this child.

They're this tender, vulnerable—tender and vulnerable, and yet a beautiful and full of goodness being. You want to protect them, be patient with them, teach them, help them grow.

Imagine yourself in whatever way is supportive, at whatever age is supportive, with this child. This magnificent being. Seeing their Buddha-nature, their inner goodness, their magnificence, their bright light, and their vulnerability at the same time.

If it feels okay, maybe they can sit on your lap or next to you. They need protection and support. Maybe they're scared, maybe they're tired, maybe they're sick. Being human is hard enough, especially when you're a child.

See how the expression of mettā^[2], love, and care in your mind's eye can express itself towards this being. Maybe you're holding them in a blanket if they're cold, just holding them, maybe rocking them.

And yes, as I mentioned in the introduction, tonight this child is you. Is yourself. This beloved child, full of goodness, beauty, light, divinity, and tender, vulnerable—maybe even hurting in some ways—is you.

What is a physical expression in your mind's eye of your care, of your love for this being? Let yourself be creative. If you're imagining a blanket of comfort, let it cover both of you.

Notice if there are any words or phrases that want to be said to this beautiful being. Maybe simply the words, "I love you. I care for you. I love you just as you are. I appreciate your goodness. I'm here to love and protect you." Whatever feels right for you as an expression of mettā.

What if you imagine yourself in your mind's eye taking care of this being with patience? See yourself brushing their teeth patiently, lovingly, appreciatively, playfully. As if you had all the time in the world to care for this beloved, beloved being.

And now, what if you imagine brushing your own teeth, looking in the mirror at this beloved being? This being with so much goodness, with the bright light of goodness, divinity, Buddha-nature in them, bright, and their tenderness and vulnerabilities. Having all the time in the world to care. To care. "Oh, sweetheart."

Maybe, if you like, imagining feeding this beloved other, this child first. Having all the time in the world. One bite at a time. Nourishing them is important.

Now, if you imagined taking the spoon and feeding yourself with love in your heart: "May this food nourish you, nourish me." It's an expression of care, of love, of mettā, of self-care.

And now, maybe imagining putting this beloved other, this child, on a swing. Pushing them up into the skies on the swing. It's an expression of love, taking care, delighting in their joy. Having joy, delight, is part of caring, part of love. It's not only a grim duty.

And now, what if you were the one on the swing? Feeling your body on the swing, moving into the sky. Up, up! Ah, the joy, the fun of play. Taking care of yourself, letting yourself play.

Notice what something is that brings joy to this child. Maybe they like to splash in puddles, and you join them. Or whatever else it might be, squealing with delight. Maybe play on a seesaw.

Let yourself play. It's an act of love and care with this beloved child. Both of you playing, running in the grass, rolling, whatever it might be. Maybe lovingly tickling, a tickle attack, and being tickled back. Let yourself have fun. Mettā can be fun, joyful.

And for the last moment of this practice period, let yourself hug this beloved child. Hugging lovingly in your mind's eye, and letting the child be you, become you, be inside you. Embody you, you embody the child. The child embodies you.

And just before we end and open our eyes, take the palm of your hand, put it on your heart center, the middle of your chest. Connecting with yourself, with this beloved other. "I'm here to take care of you. Your care has been entrusted to me. I'm here. I'm here for you, to love you, to take care of you, as best as I'm able."

May all beings everywhere know their own magnificence, love themselves fully, which then translates to loving the whole world.

Thank you all. Thank you for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

So we have some time, a few minutes, for reflections, questions, comments. Please know that whatever you offer is an invitation to offer for the benefit of the sangha^[3]. You can type them in the chat. If you type them to me alone, I won't read your name; if it's typed to everyone, I'll read your name. Also, you can raise your Zoom hand, especially if you haven't spoken for a while or if you're new, please.

What did you discover? Any aha moments, any challenges? Susan, please.

Susan: Thank you for the invitation to play. I'd forgotten... I just was feeling it in my body, that's the joy of playing. What a gift.

Nikki: Thanks, Susan. I'm so glad that lit up for you. I can see it in your face, it's lovely. It lit up for me too. I was having a great time on the swings and running around. It was just such an expression of mettā; it can be play. Thank you for that.

Another reflection in the chat, privately: "Thank you for the loving guidance of deep self-care." Yeah, thank you, thank you.

Any other reflections? One more: "A lot of tenderness and tears in the midst of a health flare-up. The spaciousness of being held and loved." Ah, thank you for sharing that. A lot of tenderness and tears in the midst of a health flare-up, the spaciousness of being held and loved. Thank you, and holding you dear with spaciousness and love in the midst of your health flare-up.

Morgan, please.

Morgan: I have a little conflict, Nikki.

Nikki: It's all welcome.

Morgan: Oh, thank you so much. During that, I got so aware of there actually not being a self, and that my emotions and my thoughts were just conditioned experiences that were part of nature, but weren't a part of a self. It was not disconcerting, but it was like, what do I do with that knowing that this is a conditioned experience, just the result of causes and conditions? And then how do you relate to the self and the not-self^[4]?

Nikki: Great question! I'm so glad you brought it in. Wonderful question, how do we bring both of those insights together? Yes, it's a both/and. It's a both/and. Absolutely a both/and.

So there are so many levels of seeing phenomena, reality, understanding, and one does not negate the other. I think that's the thing I would encourage you when that comes up, say, "Oh, I see you. Thank you." You know, when the not-self arises, it's like, "Yes," but that doesn't negate—it's not like that is better than this. That is where the dichotomy or a false understanding can come in, that somehow the ultimate reality view is better, or a better place to hang out, than the relative reality. Both have their values. Both are just as important. There's a time that's important to rest in the ultimate, and there's a time that's wholesome, beautiful, and important to rest in the relative. Does that help?

Morgan: Yes, it does. Thank you.

Nikki: Thank you, Morgan. That's lovely. Thanks so much.

A couple more reflections. One from Jerry: "It was lovely to hold myself as a child with my arms wrapped around myself, very caring." That's lovely, thank you.

And one more reflection privately: "My child self was very upset with me that I haven't been taking good care of myself. I had to hold a lot of her rage during the sit." Yeah, and that's okay too.

Thank you for bringing that up, because it's all welcome. It's all welcome. Sometimes it is that rage, and what I'm actually really touched by in this share is that you held a lot of her rage. You weren't like, "Oh, done with you." You were like, "Oh sweetheart, okay, yes, I hold you. Yes, you're angry. It's okay, sweetie. It's alright, it's okay." And that is a part of reparenting ourselves. So thank you for sharing that, and thank you for hanging in there with the rage of the little one. That's important too, that's really important. Take heart.

Melissa, I see your hand. This will be the last reflection before we transition into small groups, please.

Melissa: I just wanted to thank Morgan for her question, because it helped me to—when I reflect back, I feel that I was able to imagine and visualize my child self, but it just didn't hold as much emotional charge as that time. I think the way you spoke about both, like I could see what Morgan was saying and I can see what you're saying. Time has passed and it doesn't feel as charged as that time. A lot of healing has happened.

Nikki: Yeah, which is beautiful also. To hold that with respect, and also holding this adult self that is in a different place. Thank you, Melissa. Thanks for being here, and thanks to everyone for being here and for your practice and reflections.

Small Groups and Conclusion

I'd like to invite us now to turn to a little bit of play in small groups. I like to invite tonight for there to be, of course, always care, always mettā in the small groups, but also, what if these younger selves were showing up together? Just kind of maybe a little more playful. How do they show up? Just be curious about it. Again, with a lot of care, a lot of love, but it's a little lighter, a lot more playful. I'm about to create the rooms, and here we are, okay, they're created. I'm going to open them. Take care of yourselves, and especially take care of each other. Okay, here we go.

[Break for small groups]

Okay, the rooms are closed and everyone is back. Welcome back, everyone. We've got just about a minute left, so if there are any burning reflections or questions, please. Anything that needs to be said or asked to feel complete with this session?

Okay, feeling complete. Jerry says, "I'm going to play more." Great! Oh yay, I love that. May all of us play more. That's a fantastic note to end our Happy Hour. It's Happy Hour, it's playtime!

Melissa says, "Thank you for the play inspiration." Thank you, Melissa.

Thank you all, thank you for your practice, for showing up, cultivating your heart, your mind, for the benefit of yourself and all beings everywhere. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free, including ourselves. Thank you.