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Happy Hour: Dedication of Our Suffering as Compassion Practice

Hello again, and a warm welcome to all of you to Happy Hour. It always makes me delighted to show up and be with you, and practice together.

For today's practice—depending on your time zone—the invitation is to consider the practice of dedication. Consider the connection between the practice of dedication—which we often do as a dedication of merit, usually a dedication of the goodness of our practice that we share with all beings everywhere. Dedicating the goodness of our practice is a way we can show up in the world, sharing the goodness as a practice of generosity. Maybe we'll do that next time.

For today, what I wanted to bring up is the connection between this practice of dedication and offering, and the practice of compassion. We will be dedicating our suffering, dedicating our challenges for the well-being of all beings, for the sparing of other beings.

The way to consider this practice is that some people—it may not be you, but some people—may consider their suffering to be just suffering, of no use. Sometimes you might actually know that suffering leads to growth, leads to compassion for yourself, and opens the heart. But there might be ways of bringing even more meaning, more grace, more beauty, and more purpose-making in the midst of the suffering that we have.

The frame, the perspective, the invitation for today is to see our suffering as a dedication to ease and freedom. It could be directed to those who are suffering like us: "May you be spared, may your suffering be lessened." So finding purpose and meaning in how we are suffering by offering it up, offering our difficulty as an offering to others who are suffering like us. Or even a larger frame, which is primarily the one we'll work with tonight: "May all beings everywhere be spared from this challenge that I have suffered, from this challenge that I'm suffering. May the suffering that I find myself in be an offering as a gesture of goodwill for all beings everywhere."

This frame is actually similar in many ways to the practice known as Tonglen^[1] in Tibetan Buddhism, which is taking in, allowing the suffering of the world and of others to be transformed, as we share goodness with them. It's not exactly that, but there are some similarities which, for the sake of time, I won't get into. It is the idea of finding more meaning, as if we were offering—knowing how difficult it's been or how difficult it is—and offering the goodness.

This actually takes a different way of seeing. It's an invitation almost for you to enter another way of seeing suffering. It's the perspective of the awakened mind that sees the suchness, the beauty, the grace of even suffering, to be offered to the world.

So let's try this on for size. I'll just share one more thing before we get into this. There is a little poem from Shantideva^[2], the 8th-century Buddhist scholar and master. Maybe while we're doing our meditation, I will read that, and we'll let it resonate.

Basically, the theme is dedicating our suffering to the alleviation of the suffering of others, and finding meaning—letting it become meaningful in its own way. Not struggling to find meaning, but letting it happen.

Guided Meditation

So let's settle and see what arises. I'd like to invite you to get into your meditation posture.

Landing, landing. Landing in your body. Landing with the breath. Inviting your awareness to become embodied. Receiving the breath, feeling the breath in the abdomen. Inviting the body, the muscles to be relaxed and soft.

Inviting yourself to put down, to put down thoughts, considerations, worries in this moment. Just finding refuge. Finding refuge in this moment, the sense of presence. Being present for this moment of your life. The grace of landing right here, and the awareness of this moment. Connecting with each in-breath and out-breath in its entirety.

And just connecting with the breath in the body. Letting the mind, the body be calmed, the heart be soothed, as we till the soil and invite the mind to settle.

If thoughts are arising, putting them down, inviting them to be let go of. And just receiving the breath in the body, calming, soothing, settling in this moment of awareness. Wakefulness and awareness.

Now, if you wish, you can either stay just with the breath, calming, settling. Or if you like, as you stay embodied feeling the breath in the body, bringing to your heart the feeling of something that has been challenging for you. Maybe it's challenging for you right now, or it has been. If you're relatively new to practice, it's better not to choose the most challenging issue so as not to be overwhelmed, but maybe number two or three or four on the list.

Letting your heart open up. Hold the felt sense of this challenge and a sense of spaciousness in this moment. It could be a challenge you're going through right now, or something in the past that still, when you remember, brings up an "ouch" for you. So holding it spaciously. Holding this "ouch" that happens in the present moment, is arising right now—this challenge, this suffering, this dukkha^[3]—with a sense of spaciousness.

And the invitation is not to find purpose in suffering—not actively looking for it and fighting tooth and nail—but just as this challenge, this suffering is being held spaciously, perhaps allowing some dimensions that perhaps were not seen before to open up on their own. Not trying so hard, but just opening up to the possibility that this challenge, this suffering, this difficulty, as it is experienced in this human body, mind, and heart, can be dedicated. Your suffering can be dedicated. Dedicated to the alleviation of the suffering of others.

And breathing, breathing in your heart center. Breathing in, breathing out. Letting yourself be breathed with each breath. As if with each out-breath, you're offering, you're dedicating the suffering, this dukkha, as it shows up, to the benefit of all beings. To alleviate the suffering of all beings. Dropping this reflection in spaciously. Just breathing, letting it be breathed. Let's see what shows up, what gets transformed. Each out-breath being an offering, being a dedication of goodness. Don't think about it, just breathe out this offering, dedicating. Let yourself be surprised.

May all beings be spared from this challenge. May they have ease.

With this dedication, this offering—offering well-being, ease, alleviation of suffering to all beings. May all beings be free from suffering. May all beings be at ease. May they know goodness and peace.

As you continue to breathe, I'd like to read this poem from Shantideva. I'd like to suggest that you just let it wash over you and see what might open up, without any expectations, but just allowing the mind to find its own way.

May I be a protector to those without protection, A leader for those who journey, A boat, a bridge, a passage For those desiring the further shore.

May the path of every living creature be completely cleared away. May I be the doctor and the medicine, And may I be the nurse for all sick beings in the world, Until everyone is healed.

Just like space and the great elements such as earth, May I always support the life of all the boundless creatures. And until they pass away from pain, May I also be the source of life For all the realms of varied beings that reach unto the ends of space.

In the last moments of our practice, offering our goodness, the goodness of our heart, to the alleviation of suffering of all beings everywhere. All sounds included. And appreciating whatever might have arisen in this moment. Whatever has arisen, or has not arisen, appreciating that we showed up and we practiced with the best of our intentions, without attachment to outcomes.

Thanks everyone for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

This practice has interesting dimensions, interesting ways of opening our hearts and our minds to possibilities. And again, it's not something that we do intentionally to force finding purpose and meaning in this way, but dropping the invitation in and seeing what shows up. Maybe dimensions of glorious meaningfulness arise from this.

I'd like to ask if you wish to share your reflections. You can raise your hand or you can type in the chat what came up for you. Marie-Christine asks me for the link to the poem. I don't have a link to it, but I can tell you that it's by Shantideva. I will put the spelling in chat. I can put the first line of it, and I trust if you search for it, you will find it. This is from a book I have.

Marie-Christine, please go ahead.

Marie-Christine: I may have chosen something that was too big. I was focusing on physical pain that I have right now, but actually focusing on it seemed to make it even sharper. It's interesting. I was trying to breathe through it, but it didn't work. I found that I was focusing on the pain.

Nikki: I appreciate you sharing that. This practice can work also with physical pain. So the way I would invite you to hold it and find a way in would be to not focus on the pain—not laser-sharp focusing on the pain—but allowing the pain to be and holding it in a larger container, breathing around it with a sense of spaciousness. I think I mentioned that in the guidance a couple of times, but next time really try to feel as if there's a spacious room. There's a lot of glorious space around this pain that's being held; it's being put on a really wide, spacious altar. And that can support it. Thank you for bringing that up, Marie-Christine.

Vicky, please.

Vicky: I have to admit that I find that really difficult. There's a part of me that feels like I don't want to be the only person suffering from that. When I think of support groups, for example, it's maybe the same frame of mind. When you see other people suffering from the same thing as you, there's some sort of comfort in thinking, "Oh, I'm not alone." I'm wondering if you could comment on that.

Nikki: I appreciate you bringing that up, and of course, that makes sense in the reality of how our lives are. When other people are going through the same thing and support us, and we support them, there are ways that practice can be beneficial. For example, we've done the practice of: "May all the people who are suffering the same way as I do, may they all be free from it." So there's a sense of community, "I'm not alone."

That's beautiful, and if that's your way and it works, great. One doesn't have to try it this way. All of these are skillful means, and some work for some people for some time, and some don't. There are no "shoulds" here, Vicky, you know this. So don't push it, you don't have to. I'd say maybe start somewhere where it's accessible. For some things it might be accessible, for some things it may not be.

I'll share something from my own experience. Today, as I was actually taking a walk and reflecting, this reflection dropped in. I was walking in memory of when my mom was sick with dementia, and how painful that was—really how painful that was for all of us. My heart just had a sense of pain, and I thought, "Oh my god, may all beings be spared. That is so painful." See naturally where your mind might relate to it, without trying to force it. I hope that supports you.

Vicky: Thank you.

Nikki: So dear ones, the time has come. Let's consider for our practice in small breakout groups, the dedication practice. Dedicating your suffering. Again, for some people you can find this glorious meaningfulness; these dimensions can be there. "May my suffering in this way alleviate the suffering of all beings everywhere, may they not suffer in this way." If that could work, that could work for some. And anyway, if it worked for you or if it didn't work for you, it's all okay. There are no "shoulds" in these practices, these are just explorations and skillful means. In small groups, you can learn from others, be inspired by others, support others. So just take it as, "let's try this on for size."

[Breakout groups occur]

Welcome back. We have a couple of minutes. Any reflections you have, if you'd like to raise your hand, or you can put it in chat. Neil, I'm going to ask you to unmute yourself.

Neil: We had a discussion about this practice, and I found it very difficult. It wasn't that it was painful—Vicky mentioned some tough emotions—it just missed for me. I kept trying. My thought was, "It's only half an hour, obviously this works for other people, let me give it a shot." It ended up leading to me not focusing very well. I could have gone off and done my own thing and focused more. I'm wondering what your thought is. Being that it's only half an hour and it's a new thing, is it worth it for me to give it a half an hour even if it fails? Or should I just go off and focus on my breath?

Nikki: That's a great question. My invitation is, you never know. You try something on for a few minutes and it's like, "Oh, it's not working," and you give up. With these practices, there's something about hanging in there. Hanging in there without expectation, but just hanging in there with humility. Then something can open up magically in ways that you couldn't quite imagine. The left side of your brain, the conscious thinking part, is saying: "How does this work? Dedicating my suffering? What a crazy idea! What is she talking about?" Just shut all that off and think, "What would it be like if I dedicated and offered it up?" Play with it and be open to something opening up.

Maybe it doesn't open up in this moment, Neil. It might open up later while you're walking or jogging. All of a sudden it's like, "Oh my God, this pain—just offering it up," and seeing dimensionality, meaning, beauty, and grace in your suffering in a way that would not have been available before. So hang in there without pushing it, but hang in there with spaciousness and ease. There is wisdom in these practices, and they open up, maybe not right now in these thirty minutes, but you're planting seeds. Now you're planting this completely new seed. You just plant it. Give it your best in this moment and let it germinate when it does. Thanks for that question.

On YouTube, we have appreciation from Judy. Judy appreciates the guidance to the beautiful dimensions of loving-kindness. Also from Jessica from Maryland. And Becky says, "Opened my heart around some strong suffering I'm experiencing. The dedication aspect was beautiful, thank you so much." Thank you all on YouTube for joining in and for your reflections.

Actually, it's one o'clock, so no more reflections, I think we're good. Let's dedicate. It's another way of practicing this dedication. Whatever came up, whatever didn't come up, the fact that we were planting seeds of this different dimension, seeing the grace, beauty, the suchness of suffering as something to be dedicated as an offering. I admit that I teach some things that may not be readily available, but I'm trying to plant seeds. I'm trying to open up ways for things to be seen that may not be available to the regular state of mind. So just drop it in and let it flower at some point.

Thank you all for your practice, for showing up. May the goodness of our practice, of our planting seeds, support the waking up of all beings, including us. Thank you all.