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Happy Hour: Metta and Random Acts of Kindness

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to Happy Hour! Let's warm up the space by saying hello. I'll start by saying hi, I'm Nikki in Mountain View, California, on the unceded Ohlone land. Thank you to everyone joining us from all over the country and internationally to help warm up the space today.

For today, I want to invite us to reflect on our own goodness. We will do some simple mettā^[1] practice, but I also want to bring in an invitation to reflect on our random acts of kindness. We all have reached out to others through simple acts of kindness—and sometimes they don't seem quite random. We text a friend to ask how they are doing, or we are generous with our time, our care, and our attention.

We tend to underestimate the value and the power of these acts of kindness. In fact, there was a research article published in Science about a month ago that points to how we underestimate the power of these random acts of kindness. We have a delusion, a confusion, a cognitive bias about our kindness. We don't realize how impactful it really is, both on the receiver and on ourselves. There is goodness all around in these acts.

By bringing our awareness to appreciate them after the fact, recognizing our own goodness, our own intentionality, and the ripple effects—which we may not even know—we can make it more possible that we will do it again. We strengthen the karmic potentiality that we might actually pick up the phone and reach out to a friend, or smile at a neighbor, not realizing that it might brighten their day because they're having a tough time.

So, first, we tend to underestimate the impact of random acts of kindness on others. Second, we underestimate the positive impact they have on us and how happy they make us. Third, what we're going to do in the practice today, besides practicing simple mettā, is to bring awareness to them. It's like we've planted seeds; let's water them so more kind flowers will bloom in daily life. Little by little, drop by drop, we become a kind person through these small acts of kindness.

Without further ado, let's practice together. Let's settle, let's arrive.

Guided Meditation

Arriving. Landing. Letting go of all the words. Here.

Oh sweetheart, here. Referring to ourselves kindly, gently, lovingly. Oh dear one.

Oh dear one, I've brought you to sit, to practice. I care for you. This is how I share and I show my care for myself.

Softening, relaxing the body, and just letting yourself be breathed for a few minutes without an agenda. Just taking refuge.

Feeling our sit bones on the cushion and the chair. Feeling supported, connected to the earth through our feet, our legs, our bottom. Relaxing the upper body, offering the entire weight of the upper body to land. The weight, offer it up to the earth.

Thoughts arise. If you find that we're entangled in planning, remembering, it's okay. It's all right, this is what minds do. We know this. Minds are like puppies.

Being kind to the puppy of our mind. Releasing, letting go of the juicy bone that seems juicy but it's really hollow. And say, "Not now. I'll come back later." I'll come back later, taking refuge in our hearts in this moment.

What is the most nourishing? Nourishing to our marrow, to our bone marrow. Resting. Resting. Let our hearts rest and be breathed.

And as each breath is welcomed, each in-breath, each out-breath, let your body and your heart be filled with kindness. Breathing in kindness, receiving kindness, breathing out kindness to the world around you.

It's not so effortful, it's not that you're doing it. Just imagine it's happening. There is goodness here. There is goodness in your heart, your good intentions for cultivation, otherwise you wouldn't be showing up right now for this practice. Trust this desire, this intention for goodness, for cultivating kindness.

As if you're blowing on an ember, your breath is blowing on this ember of loving-kindness. Making this holy fire of loving-kindness, this warmth, this care for yourself and others—a warm heart. With each breath in your heart center.

As if with each in-breath: May I be well. With each out-breath: May others be well. May I be safe. May others be safe. May I be happy. May others be happy.

You can do the four phrases of mettā having to do with safety, health, happiness, and ease, or just keep it simple. In-breath: May I be well. Out-breath: May all beings be well.

Let it be easeful, effortless. If it becomes too hard, let go of the phrase and just let yourself be breathed. That's kind enough.

If you wish, staying embodied, breathing in and out, bring to mind some kindness, some random act of kindness that you received in recent times. Was it a simple smile? Or someone being very kind to you, going out of their way?

Whatever it might have been, let yourself feel the goodness of that gesture, how it impacted you. How it still impacts you. Let yourself relish and be open to relishing this goodness in the world, this kindness.

It is quite possible that the person who shared this act of kindness didn't quite appreciate or underestimated how it impacted you. Maybe in your heart, in your mind, say thank you. Appreciate them. Be grateful to them. Nourishing this goodness—goodness begets goodness. Let yourself feel inspired.

Now, let yourself bring to heart, bring to mind, some random act of kindness you did. Maybe it was a smile. Maybe it was letting someone go ahead of you in a line, or reaching out to a friend: "Hey, how are you? I've been thinking of you." Or offering to help, and going out of your way to be kind.

Let yourself bring that to heart and relish the goodness. Goodness begets goodness. And as we often underestimate the impact of our kindness, let yourself really turn up the appreciation of the ripple effect, which you may not even know.

Let yourself feel inspired by this kindness, as if you are your own twin. You're inspired by your twin, Wow, that was nice.

This is not a time to judge yourself. Not a time to think, Oh, I could have done that, I should have done that, I was not good enough. This is not the time at all. If that comes up, say, "Thank you very much, this is not the time to be judgmental. I am relishing goodness." Turn your mind to relish goodness. You have a choice. We all have a choice; exercise it. Relishing goodness.

Whenever it feels like your heart is full with appreciating goodness received and shared, you can go back to simply breathing in kindness, breathing out kindness. May I be well, may others be well.

Each in-breath: May I be well. Each out-breath: spreading kindness. Spreading loving-kindness. May others be well.

As we bring this practice period to a close, spreading your kindness far and wide. Your goodwill, your mettā internally to seep into every cell of your body, and externally 360 degrees. No preference of inside versus outside. May I be well, and may others be well.

It's all the same, no separation between me and others, really. May all beings everywhere be well. May all beings everywhere be free, including ourselves.

Thank you all for your practice.

Reflections

Before we transition into small groups, are there any reflections you'd like to share?

Fred: Thank you. I had an experience today that was very much the mirror of what you had prompted and of the article that Neil sent us. I was standing in line at Kaiser to get my COVID and my flu shot. To do that, they would put different colored ribbons on your chest. I moved down the line, and right at the threshold where we're about to enter, there was a woman who only had one ribbon on. Her partner came up and told her, "Oh, if you get the other ribbon you can get both shots." She was about to go in the door and she froze. I could see that she was anxious and wanted to go back, but was afraid about losing her place in line. So I just took mine off and said, "Here, please take mine."

She went in, and I went back to get another ribbon for me. It took me all of 30 seconds. Later, we were in another chamber of this routine and she was somewhat ahead of me. She looked at me and said, "Are you the person who gave me the ribbon?" Because we were in masks, we had just seen each other for a moment. I said, "Yeah, I was." And she said, "You made my day."

That was much more than I thought I did, but of course, when she said that, it sort of made my day. I was thinking as we began here that I did that without hesitation, without embarrassment or fear. It was also with a moment of scoping out the situation, looking in her face, and seeing, is this the right thing to do? I think coming to this group for a year and a half made that more possible. It strikes me that this is another case of the ripple effect from your being here, Nikki, and from everybody else here in the sangha^[2] in which these things move. Mostly they're invisible, but this is one of those rare occasions when the trajectory and origins seemed apparent to me. Thank you.

Nikki: Thank you so much, Fred. So eloquently spoken. Thanks for sharing the beautiful story of your random act of kindness, how it made her day, and how it made your day. And now you're making all of our days by bringing this ripple effect here. Thank you.

Before we head into our breakout groups, the prompt for tonight is to share reflections on a random act of kindness you performed, or someone was kind to you and it made your day. In small groups, let it be a chance for muditā^[3], for vicarious joy, for inspiring each other with these acts of kindness. Sharing your ribbon—I love that. Take care of each other.

(Breakout rooms session)

Nikki: Welcome back everyone. How was the sharing about random acts of kindness? Receiving, giving—what did you notice in the process? Was it inspiring? Was it planting more seeds?

Neil: It was a lovely meditation and a lovely breakout room. I was so entertained during the meditation when I noticed that I was so thrilled at the random acts of kindness that happened to me, and so disparaging of the acts I gave to other people. I kept looking for one of mine that actually made a difference, and then I realized, Wait, that's the article she just talked about! [Laughter] Apparently, I'm stuck with my human mind for now.

Nikki: Thanks for sharing that, Neil. That is so human, and I love that you got to see it so clearly, and that you're sharing it out loud and laughing at it. In Buddhism, when we talk about greed, hatred, and delusion, one synonym I've come up with for delusion is cognitive bias. It's a radical cognitive bias, and you just saw yours. We know we have these biases from psychology, and yet the illusion is, "Wait a minute, I know this, and yet I'm still doing it!" It's so interesting to be human. "What other people do is impactful, and what I do is just not good enough." Oh, sweetheart, that's such a cognitive bias. Thank you for clearly naming it.

Terence: I wanted to comment that within my small group, the consensus was that we get so much goodness from being in this group that it tunes us into these little moments in life where we can make a difference. It helps a lot, being in the group over the year and a half that we've been coming. So thank you so much.

Nikki: Thank you, Terence, and thanks to the sangha, really. We co-create this together, all of us. Doing this practice on a weekly basis is such a gift. Thank you for your reflections, thank you for your practice, and thank you for being part of this sangha and for your acts of kindness. May you all be well, may you all be free, and all beings everywhere too.