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Happy Hour: Equanimity with A Wise & Loving Presence

Introduction

A warm hello and welcome wherever you are, whatever time zone. For the practice today, I'd like to invite us to explore the practice of equanimity and entering into it yet in a different way. On Monday, we explored equanimity entering into it in one way, as I described, noticing the comings and goings, etc., in our lives and then a sense of spaciousness. So tonight we'll try something else, yet another doorway into equanimity.

What do I want to say about it before we start? Maybe what I will say is there are so many different ways to practice this beautiful practice of equanimity, the crown jewel of Buddhist practice. And maybe I will also say that the near enemy, or what masquerades sometimes as equanimity, is aloofness—not caring, kind of turning our mind or our hearts away. Whereas equanimity is a sense of caring stability; it holds presence.

So we'll explore that. Another aspect we'll explore is there are so many different perceptions, so many different perspectives that we can play with, so many wholesome perspectives that we can invite and play with. We will play with one perception, a perspective on our life from a compassionate being, from someone who cares, and take on their perspective of both care and equanimity for us. So that's kind of the territory where we're going. Let's just practice together and see what happens.

Guided Meditation

I'd like to invite us all to get into our meditation posture. Landing, landing in the body. If you need to shift to lie down, that's okay, or sit up straighter. See what this body needs right now in this moment.

Just landing, landing in the body, arriving with the breath. Spending some time to settle in a relaxed, soft, present, connected body, grounded, deeply rooted.

We'll take a few minutes to just settle and arrive. Receiving the breath in the abdomen, in-breath and out-breath.

Inviting your body to relax and soften with the breath. Nowhere to go, nothing to accomplish, than to just simply inhabit this moment here, however it's showing up.

Noticing the sensations of the breath in the abdomen. Noticing any sensations anywhere in the body that calls to you. Letting the sensations be felt, be sensed, whether pleasant or unpleasant. The comings and goings of the sea of sensations. Just witnessed, known. Not trying to fix or push away, simply known. The rivers of sensation, some pleasant, some unpleasant.

You can also open up the awareness to include the river of sounds, the soundscape. Coming and going, arising and passing. Not falling into, not wanting more, not pushing away. Just knowing the arising and passing of all the sounds, the river of sounds. There can be peace, ease. The heart can be relaxed with the comings and goings of sensations and sounds.

Not taking any sounds personally. They come and they go. Can we have equanimity, equipoise, with all the sounds?

The same with the sensations. Coming and going, being witnessed. Spacious, open, allowing the comings and goings. Not turning away, not personalizing.

And now also opening up to the comings and goings of thoughts, the comings and goings of emotions. Perhaps labeling, not "my emotions," but "emotions." Maybe sadness, joy, whatever it might be with each breath. Witnessed, not owned, not clung to.

Similar with thoughts, like clouds in the sky. Not getting entangled in the content. Like watching the clouds in the sky. It's easy to have equanimity with clouds in the sky that come and go. Not me, not mine, born out of causes and conditions.

Now you can stay with this or, if you like, continue with the next invitation: to imagine a kind, compassionate presence who is witnessing with you all the comings and goings. The rivers of sensations pleasant and unpleasant, the sounds, the emotions, the thoughts like clouds in the sky. This kind, compassionate presence who cares. Witnessing, knowing, as if a good friend sitting next to you watching, being aware of these rivers flowing. And they care. They care about you, and they have a lot of wisdom. They're both wise and compassionate. They have vast, vast wisdom of the causes and conditions. They're not caught. They care.

And yet, as they observe, as they witness with you these comings and goings of your life, they have a sense of caring stability in their perspective. They care, and they are not toppled over. They watch, they sense, they notice, they know what's happening for you intimately, and with a lot of equanimity. With their perspective of care and wisdom.

Then is it possible to witness yourself, witness your own life, from the perspective of this wise and compassionate presence? You're welcome to imagine it as a friend sitting next to you, or maybe non-localized, just a knowing that's wise and compassionate. See what works best for you.

Letting the body be relaxed. Make sure you're not trying too hard. If you notice the body has become tight or the breath has become tight, just relax, just soften. And let the breath and body be known. Keep it simple.

All the rivers of sensations, thoughts, sounds, emotions, just coming and going. Known, witnessed with care, stability, without pushing away or falling into. The vast wisdom, spaciousness. With equipoise, equanimity.

Comings and goings of sense and events internally and externally in the world. Some pleasant, some unpleasant, all witnessed. All witnessed spaciously with equanimity, equipoise.

All the comings and goings witnessed from the expansive perspective of deep wisdom and compassion. Far beyond what we give ourselves credit for, but from a knowing, a presence that is compassionate and wise. From that arises deep, deep equanimity to hold all that arises and passes. A perspective we can peek through at our own life and others.

And for the last minutes of this practice together, allowing the river of thoughts, sensations, sounds that this period of practice was... letting it be held, witnessed from this expansive perspective of equanimity, caring stability. Not judging, not pushing away, not berating. It flowed exactly as it needed to flow given the causes and conditions. And appreciating that we showed up and we did our best to practice. Appreciating if our perspective managed to connect, even for a split second, with the perspective of equanimity. Vast equanimity, stable, caring, witnessing the comings and goings with care and wisdom.

Thank you for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

So we have some time for reflections, questions. You're invited to share your wisdom with the community, as they can be very supportive. You can raise your Zoom hand if you wish, or type it in chat. If you type in chat just to me, I won't say your name, it'll be anonymous. And if you type it to everyone, then I will say your name. So what did you notice in this practice? What did you notice in this way of practicing equanimity?

Maybe as I wait for you to form your reflections, your questions, your complaints, I will say that it is said that with the four brahmaviharas^[1], the first one being mettā (loving-kindness), the second one being compassion (karuṇā), the third one being vicarious joy (muditā), and the fourth one being equanimity (upekkhā). It is said that compassion is the love child of love plus suffering. When love meets suffering, it expresses itself as compassion. And I just thought that actually equanimity, the fourth brahmavihara, is the love child of mettā with wisdom. Wisdom that sees all causes and conditions. So when you have love, caring mettā meets wisdom, the two of them express themselves as equanimity. It's stable, it's caring, it's holding witness, it's not turning away, and yet has vast, vast wisdom as a part of it.

So, reflections. What did you notice? How was this for you? I'd love to take a couple of reflections from you. How are you finding yourself right now compared to before we started this practice?

Clark, please.

Clark: I really enjoyed the practice. I was just going to say, not a super deep reflection, I just finished the Book of Joy, which I'd heard about when you did this series based on it. And so my compassionate being was the Dalai Lama. And so the meditation was kind of like, what would the Dalai Lama do? Like, how would he hold whatever's coming up? Which was fine because sometimes it was like laughter and just being silly, sometimes it was compassion, and sometimes it was just sort of peaceful, like you said, sort of vast wisdom that doesn't get hung up on things. So it was fun. It was lovely.

Nikki: Thanks, Clark. Thanks for sharing that. I love hearing that you're inspired to read the Book of Joy, which I think is wonderful, based on the series we did together. And also that your compassionate presence was the Dalai Lama, and was playful because he tends to be a playful person, especially as it comes through the Book of Joy. He's just having a fun time with Desmond Tutu, and they're joking and making fun of each other and just such a lighthearted, compassionate, joyful presence together with a lot of wisdom, of course. So yay, I so appreciate you bringing that in, Clark. That's lovely. That's great.

A question comes from Mitra: "Can you say a few words about equanimity and right effort, being okay with what is and making effort to stay with mindfulness?"

Mitra, what would be helpful? Because there are so many directions I can go, so it would be helpful to hear a little more about what's coming up for you that this question is becoming relevant.

Mitra: In regards to meditation, I tend to be very upset with myself when I can't stay mindful or I lose my mindfulness. I see the benefit of trying to be more equanimous with that, but how do I gauge it so I'm not too easy on myself?

Nikki: Yeah, that's a really good question. So I'll say a couple of words about wise effort or wise engagement. The word effort brings a lot of tightness. So, wise engagement. How are they related to equanimity? With wise engagement, the Buddha likens it to tuning a stringed instrument. Sometimes it will be too tight, like, "Are you trying too hard? Oh, I missed that breath. Oh, I missed that thought. Bad, bad, bad." That's a little too tight. Ouch. And then too loose would be daydreaming for the entire 45 minutes. And then you're daydreaming for 35, and noticing that you're daydreaming and not doing anything about it. That's too loose. Right in the middle, you're like, "I'm daydreaming, but it's fine. This is so fun, I don't really want to follow the breath." That would be too loose.

So those are the ends. From what you've described, it sounds like you're closer to the tight, to the efforting, right? Like, "Bad, you missed that." In order to find what is the appropriate level of engagement, you need to loosen. You will get too loose at some point, and then you'll get a little tight at some point, and then loose. So you'll just do this until you develop a discernment for what is appropriate. So don't expect to be right on all the time. But from what I'm hearing from you, is that you're too tight. So loosen it. Have more ease. Like, "Oh, I just noticed I was daydreaming for five minutes. Ah, it's okay, I'll start again."

So a sense of ease, a sense of letting go. And that's how equanimity can come in here because then you're not fighting it. You're not trying because it's past, it's gone anyway. There's a sense of ease, of spaciousness. "Oh, maybe the mind is really busy because these are the causes and conditions." That's how the wisdom comes in, like, these are the causes and conditions of this body right now. It's very distracted. Another thing that I've heard and I use is "distracted Buddha" or "thinking Buddha." I've used that a lot of times. I've sat and my mind has been really, really all over the place. Like, "Oh, today the mind is busy, I'm showing up as the busy mind Buddha, as the distracted Buddha. These are the causes and conditions that are showing up."

And having just as much ease, that's a training too. Having just as much ease because you recognize you had the intention. Being equanimous with what arises, because that's really what we're trying to cultivate anyway: it's a sense of peace with all causes and conditions. So if we can't have peace because of the conditions of our minds right now, then we're trying to get somewhere by going the opposite way. How can we get there when we're going this way, you see? So having more peace with it.

Mitra: I love thinking about causes and conditions. I mean, that kind of loosens the harshness. So thank you.

Nikki: Thank you, dear. Thanks for bringing that in. And Olivia, oops, okay, never mind, I'll skip, I'll look at that comment another time. I realized it was just directed to me, so I didn't want to say the name. So Olivia, if you want to stay later, I'll read that and we'll address this together. Sorry, wanted to keep it anonymous. Matthew, I see you're up. Actually, tell you what, Matthew, let's do the groups, and I'll come back to your comment because time is flying by. So keep that thought, please.

Let's turn our attention to small practice in small breakout groups, and we'll come back and reserve some time for reflections at the end. Creating the rooms, and let us start with 30 seconds of silent mettā for each other, and then you're welcome to share anything you wish. Okay, I'm going to open the rooms.

[Breakout rooms]

Welcome back everyone. We have about a minute left, and Matthew, you had your hand up, so please if you would kindly unmute yourself.

Matthew: Hi. I haven't been here in a few weeks. The last time I was here I think was for muditā, and for me, it's easier that I find like muditā or mettā are a little bit less subtle. They're a bit easier to bring up for me, and I was wondering if there's kind of a way to maybe go from one of those into equanimity, or if that's kind of normal that equanimity is like a little bit less easy to kind of just feel straight away?

Nikki: Yeah, equanimity tends to be more subtle than the other ones, which is why it's number four. Because all the teachings of the Buddha, if you've noticed, they go from the grosser to more and more subtle. So if you're finding it more subtle, you're not alone. I've heard this from many other people. Hang in there. It's its nature to be a little more subtle. It's part of the nature of equanimity to be a little more subtle, right? It's not hitting you over the head, it's more like a subtle way of holding, there's some care.

So with that, you can either get into it from mettā, where there's some care, and then opening to wisdom with all causes and conditions. Or getting into it from compassion, like, "Ah, I care for you, I hold you, and it is what it is." And I guess also the other thing to say is that at the beginning you said you haven't been to Happy Hour since muditā, and then after muditā we did a week of equanimity. There was a lot more methodical practice. I use phrases, and sometimes the phrases can help people. So Matthew, you might want to go back and look at the archives of the week of equanimity when there were five or six sessions, and play around with those. Great, I am glad you brought this up. Thank you.

So dear ones, the time has come for us to end with equanimity, to let go of this hour of practicing equanimity together. So thank you all for your practice, for this cultivation that you do not just for yourself but for all beings everywhere. May all beings be happy, may all beings be free. Thank you.