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Happy Hour: Equanimity of Embodied Spacious Awareness

Hello everyone, and welcome to Happy Hour. If you can hear me okay, give me a thumbs up. Sound okay? Great. Fantastic.

We have a couple of minutes before we get formally started. If you want to say hello and type it in chat, or to unmute yourself and say hello, that's great. I'm Nikki, and I'm in Mountain View, California. We already have a hello on YouTube: "Buenas noches from south of the border." Welcome, lovely to have you with us. Who else wants to say hello?

"Hello, this is Leanne. I'm in Johnson City, Tennessee." Welcome, Leanne. Lovely to have you from the state of Tennessee. "Hello, I'm Kim from Tofino, British Columbia, Canada." Hi Kim, good to see you. Welcome back to our north-of-the-border participant. "Hello, I'm Linda, and I live in Ogden, Utah." Hi Linda, welcome from Utah. "It was nice sitting with you last week, Nikki." Ah, yes, retreat. That's right, we were both on retreat. How lovely that was.

It was nice to be on retreat. As many of you know already, Diana and I start teaching a retreat tomorrow. Again, the auditor spaces and apparently some regular spaces also are available. The retreat starts on Thursday, goes Friday, Saturday all day, and ends Sunday midday. So if you'd like to sit with metta^[1] and equanimity^[2] in the next few days, and maybe compassion, you can check out insightretreatcenter.org, where Linda and I were sitting an online retreat together last week, which was lovely. I don't think I would feel as calm as I am through all that's going on in this country right now.

"Hello, my name is Gabrielle. I am in Montreal, Canada. I want to thank you so much because I did a solo retreat this summer and your guidance was really helpful on your audio recording, so thank you very much for that." Ah, thank you, Gabrielle. That buoys my heart; it makes me very glad for the audio to have been supportive to you on your solo retreat. Welcome from Montreal.

Welcome in New York, Claire. Welcome to Peggy from Redwood City, and Vicki from Burlingame, and Bill from Dallas. Oh, Nava Nuka from Singapore, lovely to see you guys. Good morning to you, welcome. And Joyce from Grass Valley, California. Lovely to see the Sangha^[3] joining. I see other people also joining from other places in the world. Let's get started.

I will change the parameters, as always, so that all the text chats will only come to the host, and unmuting oneself will go away for the duration of the talk and the guided meditation, just in case we get visited by Zoom bombers. Oh, and recording, let's remember that for AudioDharma.

Welcome, everyone. Warm welcome wherever you are in the world, whatever time zone, whatever circumstance. For tonight's practice, let's continue with the theme of equanimity. Practicing with the deliciousness of equanimity. It's one of those weeks in this country, and in the world, that you can't have enough equanimity. It's helpful to keep resourcing ourselves with the peace, with the stillness, with the stability that equanimity affords.

As I said on Monday—and I believe Diana last night also taught on equanimity—just to touch into equanimity, to motivate it as we get into our practice together, one thing that can really help with our sense of stability and resilience, and not being pulled over one way or another by the events of the world and the events of our lives, is a sense of embodiment. By embodiment, I mean simply feeling the body. Bringing our awareness, turning the gaze internally in the body.

As I say this, I'm seeing many of your eyes close and exploring. What is it like to bring my gaze internally to the body and settle? Perhaps right away, you can feel a sense of settling in the body, feeling more spacious and relaxed, more resilient, more stable.

As always, we'll start with stabilizing with the breath, with the body, turning our gaze inward. Then, as we open up to exploring a practice of equanimity with all that arises and passes away, just a reminder that equanimity has warmth to it. It has care to it. It's not aloof, it's not uncaring, it's not cold at all. Equanimity is this spacious, beautiful state that we can abide in with an open, caring heart that holds witness for all the comings and goings in our lives and the world. All the sorrows, all the sadness, all the challenges, all the fears, all the joys. Stably witnessing, being with them all, unmoved. With those brief words, I'd like to invite us to get into our meditation posture.

Guided Meditation

Land in this body. Land and arrive, turning our gaze inward into this body, the sensations of the body. Not turning away from anything. Inviting the body to arrive onto itself. Inviting awareness, knowing. To fully, intimately know this moment's experience internally with gentleness and curiosity.

As if your feet were asking, What's my experience of this moment? What's being experienced in this moment? What am I feeling in this moment? As if your feet are asking and becoming intimately aware, intimately sensing all the sensations. Becoming alive with sensations now.

As if your awareness was in the hands. Inside the hands, asking, inquiring gently with curiosity: What is this moment's experience? What is it like? What does it feel like? As if your hands were drinking in all the sensations arising in them.

As if your awareness was in your sit bones, where your bottom contacts the cushion or the chair. As if your sit bones were asking, switching the frame of reference to be internal: What are the sensations in this moment? Letting them be felt, letting them be expansively, intimately experienced.

Letting awareness spread internally, visiting any part of the body that's most prominent internally. Maybe the neck and shoulders, feeling all the sensations from the inside. Maybe your face, as it relaxes. Feeling all the sensations. Maybe the entire body is an organ of sensation. An organ of awareness, an organ of knowing. Sensing from the inside, feeling it, feeling alive, alight with sensations.

With awareness in the whole body—this organ of sensation—letting the abdomen within the body receive the breath. To be felt, to be received in the abdomen. The breath being received, perceived. The abdomen, an organ of perception within the whole body. Just settling with the breath within the body, one breath at a time.

If thoughts arise as we're taking a moment of refuge, inviting the thoughts to be breathed with the breath in the abdomen. Receiving the breath, receiving sensations. The whole body. The abdomen and the whole body. Radiating from the abdomen, the whole body spacious, expansive. The breath being felt throughout the body: the abdomen, the heart center, the limbs, the hands, the arms, the legs, the feet, the head. Relaxing with each breath. Relaxing, softening, calming, soothing, and allowing.

Now each breath, as it's received throughout the body, for this whole-body breathing to feel even more expansive. Not effortful, but naturally as it moves on its own through the body, as if it were being breathed just beyond the edge of the skin, a couple of inches beyond the border of our body. Again, not making the breath effortful. Whatever the breath is, let it be. Just being aware of it radiating a sense of expansiveness so that your edge isn't so solid. A sense of spaciousness.

Just as you're sitting and feeling the body, and there is a sense of spaciousness in the awareness, awareness can feel more expansive, more spacious, holding all the sensations of the body, and then some. As if your body is sitting in this field of awareness that's gently pervading. More spacious. And not to struggle with this invitation. However expansive or not spacious awareness feels, it's okay, it's just an invitation. Let it land for you, around you, without trying to stretch it.

Now, in this field that includes the body, includes the sensations of the body, includes the heart, includes the mind—whatever arises can be held just so. The sense of both stability in the body and expansiveness in the field of knowing. That's relaxed, gentle, not bothered. It doesn't coagulate, doesn't cling to whatever arises within it. There could be thoughts coming and going; spaciousness can hold witness. You don't have to push them away. You don't have to get lost in them. They can just arise and pass. This too. This too. There may be emotions. Sadness, heartbreak, worry. Spaciously held, not pushed away, and not clung to. So much spaciousness, so the body is so at ease and relaxed. The mind at ease and spacious. This too. This too can be here. There's plenty of space.

At any point, if there are too many thoughts or if it feels overwhelming, just come back to the body and the breath. Stabilize in the stability of the sensations and the breath, and then only after that, open up with spaciousness. All that arises and passes, stays for a while, all good.

Imagining perhaps, if you wish, as if your awareness is like a light. It's pervading your whole body and beyond. Spacious. All this light, your consciousness, your awareness, expansive, shining brightly on its own. There's nothing you have to do, it's just there. It's a light that illuminates so much. So much can arise within its luminosity. Thoughts, emotions, they all get lit up. They all get known, without impacting, without tarnishing. They have no impact on the knowing. Thoughts, sensations, emotions, just lit. As if the light is shining on them, they get seen, they get known. The light, expansive. This awareness, beyond. More resilient, this knowing. More spacious, more stable than we can ever know.

The sense of expansiveness of the mind, the heart, the body, being filled with light. The light of awareness. Gentle, loving. There is no need to push away, to grasp. A natural sense of equanimity being present for our lives. Whatever is happening, just as it is.

May your hearts always be filled. May your bodies, your mind spaciously be filled with light, the bright light of loving awareness. The womb of natural equanimity.

Thank you all for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

I will change the settings so you can chat with everyone. If there are any reflections, please feel free to raise your blue hand or type in the chat what might be coming up for you. Any reflections you'd like to share, comments, or questions.

I guess one thing I'll share from my own practice: As I was practicing with you, this invitation for this natural equanimity that can arise from this sense of spacious knowing, this metaphor of light of awareness that can be there, just knowing what arises and passes spaciously. After being in the body, after the sense of stability in the body, it can be another way to open into this practice of equanimity. For me, my heart, my whole body feels filled with light almost as I'm talking with you.

Bill shares, "Difficulty focusing, my own thoughts wouldn't settle down." And that's okay too, Bill. As you know, sometimes it's like that. I hope you were gentle and you were kind with yourself and with your thoughts. Sometimes it's like that, yeah. Thanks for sharing.

G, please.

G: "I found I had to reframe this slightly for myself. Instead of expecting there to be the passive availability of equanimity, I positioned it as I'm showing up for myself, I'm doing a kind service to myself. Wanting to be seen with whatever occupies or preoccupies me right now, and realizing that while we often expect others to show up for us, we rarely show up for ourselves. So this was a real opportunity. Somehow I've thought about it often, but tonight it really clicked. Through the pathway of equanimity, I felt I was showing up for myself and observing what I wish others would see sometimes and acknowledge. So that was very special. Thank you."

Thank you, G. Thank you so much for sharing how your practice tonight really landed and opened up in a way of showing up for yourself, holding space with equanimity for yourself. Holding presence lovingly, compassionately, openly, spaciously for yourself. Absolutely beautiful. Because really—and I want to relate what you said to the practice of equanimity—it is with equanimity we are showing up first and foremost for ourselves. The thoughts and the emotions, everything is showing up internally. It also feels like we're showing up for the world that way, after we can show up for ourselves and hold ourselves in this way. Beautiful, thank you for sharing that.

Parisa shares on YouTube, "Thank you Nikki and community. So soothing, much needed." Thank you Parisa. Wonderful that you're joining, lovely. Glad it was supportive for you.

Any other reflections you'd like to share, questions, complaints?

Yuka says, "Your guidance made my body relax. The boundary between me and the outside has disappeared. It was a bond. Thank you for the wonderful experience." Oh, lovely. Thank you, Yuka. Those moments where we feel the boundaries dropping, it can be transformative. It can be transformative for the way we show up in our worlds with respect to ourselves and others. Not to, of course, hang on to any experience or want any particular experience—experiences come and go. And yet, such experiences can really shift our perspective, the way we show up in the world.

Mosen asks, "Do these happen every day at this time?" Yes, Mosen, the Happy Hour is every weekday at this time, Pacific Time, 6:00 PM. Hope you join again on YouTube or on Zoom.

Leanne says, "Thank you for your mention of seeking refuge." Yeah, maybe we'll do a whole session on seeking refuge and on taking refuge next time as a practice. And Leanne also says, "It's very helpful to settle into the self." Yeah, into the body. Mindfulness of the body really helps us settle in, get in touch, and take refuge in this moment, this unique moment's experience. From there, after finding a foothold, then we can have it expand out and enrich.

Let's do a practice together in small groups. With equanimity, with supporting ourselves, with resourcing the body, one question to explore tonight is: What supports you? What helps you to bring your awareness to the body, to become embodied, to stay embodied? What works for you? You can go around to share your experience, your wisdom with each other. It can be inspiring to hear for others, and for you to be held witness. You might say, "Actually, feeling embodied is something I have a challenge with. I feel my breath in my abdomen for one second and it's gone again." You can say that, and that's perfectly okay too. Keep it real, keep it human. Just connecting with ourselves.

[Breakout sessions occur]

Okay, the rooms are closed. We have a couple of minutes to hear some reflections. You can either type or raise your blue hand. I'd love to hear from you.

Violet, please.

Violet: "Our group talked a bit about the difficulty of settling into the body and finding equanimity there when there's lots of pain there."

Yeah, it's a good question: how to work with that in coming to the body when there's a lot of pain. What I would invite you to explore is what we did tonight with coming to the body and then finding a sense of spaciousness and openness to hold, to be with. Not being tight, but letting the pain be. This could be one way to explore. Does it make sense what I'm suggesting? Because then the mind can still be at peace and at rest, even if the pain is in the middle. Having had chronic illness and a lot of experience with a lot of pain, this is one of the things that I know a lot about. Thank you for bringing that up.

Claire, I see your hand. Please.

Claire: "I was sharing with Bill, and realizing that in between times, somehow my life has involved a lot of activities that require not focusing on the body, but experiencing life from the body. To give you some examples: I'm a road biker, and I ride long distances. You have to stay totally focused; you can't pay any attention except to what's going on with your physical senses and how you're using your body. I dance tango, which is all about letting music direct your body. In any of these activities, they're all centered in the body and how the body responds to the environment. They've all been extremely helpful to me, very restorative. I love to meditate too, but it's funny because the pandemic has cut down a lot on the other things that I would normally do. I feel a great need for this; I thirst for this kind of practice."

Thank you, Claire. Thanks for raising that. I so appreciate hearing how there are all these other ways of training. The mind becomes trained to be embodied, to stay in the body through biking and the tango.

Vicki is offering that walking meditation helps her if she's having trouble staying embodied during sitting. So that sense of movement, like with dance and road biking, can really help. It's a different kind of training. That's fantastic.

Thank you all. I loved hearing your reflections about what helps you be embodied. Our time together has come to an end tonight, so I want to thank you for showing up and practicing for yourselves, and for all those whose lives yours touch, and all beings everywhere. May you be safe, happy, and well. May your heart and mind be filled with the light of awareness, love, equanimity, and be of service to the world.

Thank you all. Take good care. Stay safe. See you tomorrow.