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Happy Hour: Watching the Movie of Our Lives with Care, Compassion, Joy, and Equanimity

Introduction

Hello and welcome everyone. Lovely to be with you. So many hellos from around the world. Feeling our connection, our coming together on this Earth, practicing together.

The themes I want to bring in—maybe I'll just say a very quick word and we'll transition to meditating. One is this appreciation for this being who is me, being a character in this play called life, in a particular time, in a particular zeitgeist. I've been teaching at 7:00 AM about the improv of the Dharma, the Dharma of improv, and taking on characters, seeing ourselves as a character. This kind of character is showing up because of all these causes and conditions. So, bringing a little lightness to the way we see ourselves, the way we relate to this being who is me. That is one idea I want to bring in.

And the other one is a sense of metta^[1] for this dear character who is me. There is a particular time and zeitgeist that we're living in, that this character is living in. I was listening to a podcast about an artist who was in New York at a particular time, a very creative time. And here we are; we lived through the COVID time. It is looking at ourselves through that lens of the zeitgeist: "Oh yeah, these are the characters."

When we hear from different generations about different things that have happened in time... here we are living when the spread of the Dharma in the West is expanding so rapidly. There will be generations who look back and say, "Wow, those people lived at that time when the Dharma was really spreading in the West, and they were just starting to have these online communities." So, just appreciating ourselves, our efforts, and our practice from this perspective of looking back from the future.

Anyway, letting go of all that, let's just come to this moment in time, to what we know right here, right now. Let's arrive together.

Guided Meditation

If it feels appropriate, close your eyes to settle into this body in this moment.

Connecting with metta, with goodwill for this being who is me. This character in this play called life, on this Earth, in this shape, in this form. Playing my part. Being impacted by others, impacting others. Doing the best I am able to. Metta for this character who is me.

Who has become me because of all the causes and conditions: genetic, historical, evolutionary, biological. So many causes and conditions. With tenderness, with care for this being who is me. Living their life, living this life they know best.

With each breath, appreciating.

Relaxing, softening the body, the heart. Taking your seat on this Earth. "I am here. Earth be my witness, I am here. Doing my best. Cultivating kindness, wisdom, non-suffering—not causing suffering, as best as I am able."

Letting this breath be your reality. Waking up to this breath, the reality of this breath. Because you are present in this moment, to this life. To this moment, experienced only in the way we experience it. We sense that we know it. Wake up. Right awareness. Not sleepwalking through our lives.

May there be a sense of delight, appreciation for awareness, for consciousness in this moment. Being aware, knowing to be alive in this moment in time, as it is perceived through our perception, through our senses.

And as if we were watching ourselves from the outside. As if we were watching the movie of our lives, the way we watch historical movies, world wars, or other historical dramas. And here we are, in this period of time, watching the movie of our lives.

We are the protagonist, doing the best we know. We know our hopes and aspirations. We know our challenges. We know the way we suffer, the way this protagonist suffers. We know. Can we watch this movie with compassion? Not with grief, but with compassion, with care. With appreciation. Rooting for the character, cheering them on. Feeling tenderness.

Maybe this movie slows down at some particular moments. Maybe we witness some of the challenges this protagonist of our story has had. We feel compassion: "Oh, sweetheart, this was hard." Even send them compassion and metta.

Maybe we see some moments in the story where they are truly happy. Joyous, happy moments of their lives. We feel gratitude.

Take your own time. Practicing metta, loving-kindness, compassion. Compassion for the challenging passages. Joy, maybe equanimity^[2], for the whole arc of the movie. Peace and ease. "Yes, it's like this. It is like this, and it's okay."

See what your heart needs the most right now. What practice it needs in this moment. If it needs soothing, let the practice of compassion lead. If it needs uplifting, let mudita^[3] lead—happiness for your own happiness. As if you're watching these moments of your life on this reel of this movie, feeling happy for your own happiness. With gratitude.

Or maybe the tone needs to be just love. Just appreciation. Or equanimity: "It is like this. Yes, the ups and downs." A sense of peace. Appreciating simple days. The persistence of putting one step after another, every day.

See what your heart needs. Lean into those aspects of the movie of your life, using the Brahma-viharas^[4].

See what feels right to arise as you're watching the movie of your life. Is the appropriate response love? Loving that this character is doing their best. Meeting joys and happiness in their life? Yay, celebrating scenes of happiness. Letting yourself be happy, reliving—or perhaps being happy for—those moments of happiness. Not so much reliving, but rejoicing. Gratitude arising.

If scenes of challenge or difficulty arise, may there be succor, compassion, and so forth.

Let your heart and your body lead, not your mind, not your thoughts.

Appreciating the whole arc of the life of this protagonist who is you. Of course, the story isn't finished yet, we're alive. And yet, with the perspective of the arc of the movie until now—the ups and downs—they keep trying, they're doing their best to learn, to be kind. Sometimes failing, and it's okay. Forgiving this character. The story continues. You still have time to learn, to cultivate kindness, compassion, forgiveness, and service.

May we all know and appreciate the arc of our lives, and know that we still have the chance, as long as we're alive, to learn, to contribute, to cultivate, to wake up. May all beings everywhere wake up to their goodness, appreciate, and love themselves. May all beings be free, including ourselves.

Reflections and Q&A

Nikki Mirghafori: Thanks everyone. Thank you for your practice. Thanks for exploring this practice in a novel, different way. We had never quite practiced in this way. There are so many ways to practice with the Brahma-viharas, the heavenly abodes, the four beautiful practices.

The invitation tonight was to have this sense of perspective of ourselves as the protagonist in this play called our life, and watching scenes from our lives with the Brahma-viharas. Whatever those scenes are, maybe they arouse compassion. Maybe they arouse mudita: "Yay!" Maybe the whole arc of the movie gives rise to equanimity: "Yes, ups and downs, ups and downs. Yes, this is human life, this is what it's like." And always a sense of metta, a sense of goodwill for this character who is trying their best.

So many things might have come up, and it's all good, it's all okay. As long as there was a moment of kindness, or compassion, or mudita, or any of the Brahma-viharas. If there was just one moment of it, it's all good. It's all planting seeds.

With that, I'd like to invite us to engage with each other in small group practice. The invitation is to share a brief nugget, if you wish, of what this was like for you. It's okay to say, "I was sleepy," or "I didn't hear any instructions from the beginning." It's perfectly fine, just show up. Have kindness for yourself. Offer one brief nugget, then the next person shares, going around to make sure everybody has time. Be kind to yourself, be kind to each other. No asking questions, no giving advice—just share what you want to share, or share silence, that's perfectly fine. We really want to create safe spaces for each other, so take care of yourselves and take care of each other.

(Breakout rooms convene and return)

Welcome back everyone. The rooms are closed and everybody is back. We have a few minutes for reflections. Especially if you haven't spoken in a while in the large group, I'd like to invite you to step forward. Amy, please.

Amy: I love this perspective on looking at life as if we're watching ourselves in a movie. I think I'm going to carry that with me. It reminded me of a few things. One is Defending Your Life—an old movie where they watch their lives at the end and try to decide if they're going to go back to Earth and do it again differently, or go on to something else. It's a little bit of a cringy movie, but similar in that way. The other thing it had me thinking about was Internal Family Systems (IFS)^[5] work, where you have these different parts of yourself. As I was watching the movie, I was like, "Oh, there's this part of me wanting to do that," and then trying to be compassionate and equanimous about that. And then this other part of me wants the opposite. "Oh, that's cute, that's fun." Just noticing all of it, but trying to come from that Buddha-Dharma lens while watching it all. It was very sweet, thank you.

Nikki Mirghafori: Thank you, Amy. It was so lovely, I was getting goosebumps as you were sharing this compassionate perspective on your life and all the parts. I'm familiar with Internal Family Systems; I love the framework. To have that lens of, "Oh yeah, poor sweetheart. Oh, you want the complete opposite? You too, sweetheart." It's such a rich framework. Thanks so much for bringing that in. And this movie you mentioned, Defending Your Life, I have never heard of it, so it's good to know there's another frame that uses this. Bill, please.

Bill: What came up for me was gratitude, because I have a relatively newfound equanimity that has developed over the past year or so. I went through some stuff today that would have bothered me much more a couple of years ago, and now it doesn't faze me that much. I felt a great deal of joy over that, and it's because of the practice here, of course.

Nikki Mirghafori: Yay! Oh, thank you so much, Bill. That just makes my heart so happy to know. I see hearts showing up in the Zoom space for you, and clapping hands too. We are all celebrating your practice, Bill. How wonderful to have this sense of, "Oh yes, more equanimity. Something happened today that would have been really hard some time ago, but look, there's progress on the path." This is so awesome. So happy-making. May your deepening equanimity continue. It will continue, you're practicing, so there's no doubt.

(Addressing the chat) People are asking what the name of the movie was. Yes, thank you Amy, Defending Your Life. And someone is noting that pīti^[6] arose when you were practicing. Sri Devi.

Sri Devi: I really enjoyed the topic. I have a question. I like to be honest, but it seems that white lies are required by adults. I don't want to tell white lies. How do we tell the truth without hurting the other person?

Nikki Mirghafori: Truthfulness is very important. I actually recently wrote a piece on Right Speech^[7] that just came out in Lion's Roar magazine, so you can look at that. Since it's a little off-topic for today, I will just say that there are different guidelines for Right Speech, and truthfulness is very important. But even more so, there is this idea of not causing harm. So with the white lie, consider: how are you causing harm to yourself or to others? Is there a way to not cause harm?

It really becomes an inquiry. The Buddha, of course, talked about being truthful and factual as part of Right Speech. And yet, people often ask: "If you were living during World War II and the Nazis knocked on your door, and you were hiding people who were being persecuted, do you have to be truthful?" Well, where is the harm? Who is going to be harmed, and in what way? That's a really big frame. And maybe in the cases that you're talking about, maybe you're actually hurting your own integrity more by telling the white lie than actually just being honest, making yourself uncomfortable, and making the other person uncomfortable. I can't give a one-size-fits-all answer, but it's an inquiry into all the different considerations for Right Speech. (Addressing the chat) Oh look, Neil just shared a link to the article online. Thanks, Neil, you are fast! Ruth, please.

Ruth: I realized that I can't change my past, but I can change my reaction to it, the way I look at it. And I can be compassionate about the past.

Nikki Mirghafori: Wow. Ruth, wise words. Thank you. Powerful, wise words. Beautifully said. Yes, thank you so much for saying that so concisely, powerfully, beautifully. We cannot change our past, but we can change our reaction to it with more compassion and forgiveness. Beautiful. Thank you, Ruth. Fazel, you get the last word.

Fazel: Well, thank you for reminding me of that, Ruth. That's beautiful. I am in appreciation for Ruth.

Nikki Mirghafori: That's very sweet. Ruth, we deeply appreciate you, thank you. And we appreciate everyone here. Thank you so much to all of you for coming here, practicing, supporting yourselves, and supporting each other. What a beautiful international community to call home. May you be well, may you be happy. May you see your past with compassion—the parts that need to be seen with compassion. For the parts that arouse joy, may you take delight and joy, and equanimity as well. May all beings be well, may all beings be free, including ourselves. Thank you all for a profound session of practice. Take good care.