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Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation Class 4 Thinking - Dawn Neal, Tanya Wiser

Welcome to the fourth in a five-week series on Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation. In the past three weeks, we covered breath, body, and emotions in kind of concentric rings: the breath being in the center, as Tanya mentioned last week, kind of the most focused object; opening the attention up a little bit to everything that's happening in the body, especially sensations; and then to emotions last week.

I'm just going to give a very quick overview of what we covered so far to kind of ground us before we start this week's instructions. The first week we covered what mindfulness meditation is, which is being with our direct experience rather than thinking about it. Being with experience as it's unfolding. Intimacy with our lives. It's watching and observing with awareness like a naturalist might observe the environment and all the interconnections between it. As Tanya mentioned that first week, this cultivates the capacity for choice rather than reaction.

Another really important theme we've been returning to time and time again is this idea of relationship with what is arising. How are we relating to what is arising? What is the internal posture, inner posture, or attitude towards experience? Recognizing this is greatly facilitated by anchoring our attention in what is here and now. The breath, the body—those are always here, they're always now.

So the first two weeks we focused on breath and body. The breath being the often preferred object of attention, or anchor, tether. It helps to build focus because it's changing, it's dynamic, and for most people it's pretty neutral, right? For some people the breath doesn't work and that's okay. The two simplest alternatives, if you're finding that's true for you, is to notice what's happening overall in your body sensations, or to notice hearing sounds.

And that brings us to the body. Our bodies have a kind of intelligence. Our systems have a kind of intelligence, and it can be helpful to think of it as three centers of intelligence. There's the head, which in this culture we often associate with intelligence. But there's also the heart and the gut. Neuroscience bears this out. There are actual neuron cells, basal ganglia, around our hearts, in the center of our chest, and in our bellies. So we really are getting information that's moving in both directions. The vagus nerve is kind of the pathway.

It's worth noting that the intelligence of the body and the intelligence of the heart operate on a different timeline, and it's really helpful to begin to tune in and listen. That listening is a skill. Sensations are the language that the body and heart communicate. Feelings are the language of the heart—emotions, right? The experience of sensations or emotions can increase or decrease based on the ways we relate to it. Resisting or being angry or reactive to pain, for example, can make it much worse. Being kind and compassionate towards sadness can help to transform it. The principle applies: how we relate to the experience is key.

Last week we covered emotions, and they can range from the absolutely sublime to the downright awful. Emotions are ways that our minds, our hearts interpret or encode our experience. They're kind of their own form of communication. And while they're happening in the present, they can either be based on what happens in the present, or they can be triggered by reacting to something very innocent in the present that is actually carrying an overlay of the past.

Emotions can be, as Tanya said earlier in this course, tricky to work with because they feel very authoritative, but they're not always responding to what's happening in the moment accurately. It can be as simple as someone saying something perfectly innocent to me, but if it sounds like something the bully in seventh grade said, I'm off, right? I might not recognize that this is that deeper part of me. My limbic system^[1] might not recognize that this is now and that was then. It's still in a reactive mode.

Seen early, emotions don't have to escalate. As we talked about last week, they have a 90-second half-life process as long as we don't interfere or interact with them. Emotions fuel thinking, and thinking fuels emotions. So last week's topic and this week's topic, thinking, are very closely related. They're like symbiotic species in the same forest. They're constantly in interaction.

So the topic of thinking is very close to the topic of emotions, and how we relate to our thinking is very close to how we relate to reality itself. Mindful awareness can help us transform this relationship to a relationship of choice, awareness, and wisdom. Tanya will talk more about this relationship and how we begin to shift it in a few minutes. First though, we're going to take questions from the past week or anything earlier that we've covered.

Q&A

Dawn: Before we start, I'll just give a very quick tutorial on using the microphone. These mics pick up sound at the top, so it's really helpful to hold them like you're going to eat an ice cream cone, very close to your mask. If you need to turn it on, there's this black button here. You just press it for a couple of seconds and the light will turn green and then it'll be ready. And we ask that you pass it softly if you can. If you want to turn it off between people you can, but it's not necessary.

Does anybody have questions? Since we're a fairly small group tonight, if the mic is far away, it would be great to help pass it to someone or help them get to it if you're closer to it than they are. We would love to hear any questions you have, comments you've had, things you've been exploring in your meditation. The floor is open. Even questions about what I just said. Okay, and if you could please, when you're about to speak, give your name.

Anne Rose: Hello, good evening. Anne Rose. Well, you just really resonated with me in terms of emotions and how our actions can be driven by them, but that through this practice I can be more mindful of them. I found myself, especially today, getting caught up in something and it was then I realized it was because I was afraid and triggered by a previous incident, and just trying to prevent anything from escalating. Then I wasn't mindful of my actions and how I spoke to other people. That was like the whole purpose of my meditation journey—just being mindful of my interactions and how I talk to myself and others. It's just so easy to go back. I mean, the other day I was just like, "Oh, this is really working," and then today got caught up. I was unanchored or whatever, and got swept away again. Having that compassion, talking myself through it without feeling like it's a hokey thing, like, "It's okay Anne Rose." But I don't want it to be kind of like a cop-out, like, "Oh you messed up but it's okay." No, I want it to be like, "Well, you can do it differently next time." There's a balance, at least for me, in my internal dialogue. Thank you for listening.

Dawn: What a beautiful sharing. I really love what you just said, and how even in the triggering, it sounds like there was still mindfulness present, right? The way you're describing it, you thought, "Oh, I need to be mindful about how I'm speaking because these emotions have come up."

Anne Rose: Yes, I guess I was trying to. Because I was mindful of the fact that I was angry about that. And sometimes in the effort of not trying... it's just that I'm trying to figure out that balance. Knowing and acknowledging whatever it is that I'm doing, and if it's not the best response...

Tanya: Yeah, Anne Rose, I think one thing that's important is to acknowledge your own anger and not to try and make your anger just go away. There's a reason you're angry, right? We don't want to bypass it by stuffing or denying. So sometimes if I'm feeling angry and I know I need to be with it, I actually try not to say or do anything. I try and wait because if in the moment when I'm feeling that, I'm trying to act like something's different, there's a disconnect or something. Maybe I need more time to process what I'm feeling, what I'm angry about. What is it I need? I need to talk through it. And sometimes we don't have the luxury; it's like we just have to respond right then. Then sometimes I'll just say, "I'm angry, I just need to name that I'm triggered. I'm angry right now, and I'm trying to be reasonable, but these feelings are up. I'm not mad at you, I'm not trying to blame you," or whatever it is that's honest and real. "Wow, I'm having a lot of feelings."

Varun: Hi, I'm Varun. I have a question about what you just said, Tanya. I've been trying to stay with my emotions more, like anger, sadness, to process them. But sometimes I wonder, when have I processed it enough and I'm just staying in a bad mood for no reason? How do you know?

Tanya: That's a great question. Last week we taught a practice called RAFTT^[2]. You might want to listen to that, because it helps you walk through when you're feeling and break apart things a little bit. First, Recognize how you're feeling, what's going on. Accept that that's what's happening. Because it's like, well, we may not want to be sick but we're sick, so we need to accept that we're sick so we can make decisions, right? Same thing with emotions.

Then the next part of the practice is to Feel it in the body. Because here, there's this dynamic between our thinking and the emotions. The thinking will trigger the feelings. So this part of the practice we're really directing just toward the true felt sense: hot, pressing, pounding, sinking, whatever it is. Try and be with that a little bit.

Then there are two T's in my RAFTT. The first T is Tease apart all the different parts. "Oh, this is the feeling, this is the situation, this is my memory of another situation. This is my value that's being violated, this is their value, this is the culture I'm living in or working in, or the job expectations." There are all these different parts that are coming together and fueling what's happening for me emotionally. So we tease that apart and then we can start to look at each piece individually, because as a cluster it's a lot harder to work with.

And then the next part would be to find a spot to rest in, like Trust. What can I trust about what's happening here? Myself, my capacity, breathing, time will help. Trying to help yourself let go of the busyness of the practice. Does that feel like it gives you something you could think about doing with your emotions in a different way?

Varun: Yeah.

Tanya: Great. So last week in the class—which you can find and listen to—we go through a guided practice on it. You know, there is this real idea that we need to sit with our feelings, but very often we're refueling them or actually making them worse. The way that we're talking to ourselves about the story, what we're saying to ourselves about ourselves or others, will just end up making it worse and worse if we just stay in the thinking mind.

What's true about anger is that underneath it, it's usually coming from something that we're afraid of or that we've been hurt by. So often emotions are stacking on top of each other. There's the first emotion, and then there's a reaction to the emotion. Sometimes we also need to ask, "What's underneath this?" And sometimes we just need to chill out and distract ourselves and kind of let it relax. Have you ever had that happen where you come back later and you're like, "What was I so upset about? I don't really even remember why I got so upset." Right? It was maybe just an accumulation of stress and situations that you got overwhelmed by. Thanks for the question.

Brian: Hi everyone, my name is Brian. I was just asking, is there any technique that I could use if my feeling is so intense that I feel like if I sit with it any longer I'm just gonna freak out?

Dawn: I'm happy to start, and I would also love to hear what you have to say about that. When I first came to this practice, I had a lot of anxiety, so I can really relate to your question. Thank you for asking it honestly. Something Tanya mentioned a few minutes ago is really helpful, which is if it starts to get overwhelming, distraction is a completely valid way of relating to it. So if you're trying, for example, through the RAFTT process, to recognize and tease apart, and it's just mounting, that's a good time to shift to a different object. Go to sound, go to the body. Go to the breath—the breath isn't always helpful if a panic attack is coming—but feet and hands. Open your eyes. It's okay to shift entirely. When you're sitting with it, describe how you're being with it when the anxiety starts to build?

Brian: It feels like a fight. You know, like one layer, and then another layer, and another layer, and it's like, "Oh man, it's getting to be a little too much." And then I'm just like, it's the whole thinking, right? And I think, "Okay, this is not good," and then that just makes it worse.

Dawn: Yes, good recognizing. Very good recognizing. You're recognizing that feedback loop, that cycle, right? What we resist persists. We're adding fuel to the fire by resisting it. So one thing that really helps for me is to take a step back and notice the judgment. "This is not good." Okay. And be with that. You can always take another step back and be with the observer. The emotion itself might not be the best place to be, and the torso tends to be where our emotions live, which is not the most helpful place if you're going into a fear spiral or an anxiety attack. So I find looking at the attitude, the contention, that inner fight itself is something to notice and be gentle and kind with. Tanya, I'm sure you have something wise to add here.

Tanya: I think my main thing that I want to say to you, Brian, is to honor what you feel like is your capacity. If you feel like it's too much, then say, "Okay, right now this feels like too much, so I'm gonna do something different." It's okay. That's part of listening to what I can take. Especially when we find our minds are in these really active, intense, demanding states and have that momentum, it's better just to not try and argue with it, and just go do the dishes. Go do something different, but do it mindfully. It's not a problem, you're just honoring the conditions. It's like you want to go outside for a walk, but it's pouring down rain. You make your choice depending on the conditions. If you're sick and it's raining, maybe it's not a good idea to go for a walk. Does that make sense?

Working With Thoughts

Tanya: Okay, so I do want to tell you about thinking. To introduce this topic, I want to invite you, if you want to, to close your eyes. I'm going to do an imagination thing with you. If you don't want your eyes closed, just gaze or do whatever you want. If you don't like what I'm saying, don't pay attention.

I'd like you to imagine that you're three years old. Somebody, maybe even your teacher, is reading a book, and the name of this book is You Are Not Your Thoughts. And you get to look at this picture book and it says:

"Thoughts come and go. They never last long. One minute they're here, the next they're gone. When you look up at the clouds in the skies of blue, try to see the whole sky as the clouds pass through. The clouds are like thoughts. The sky is like you."

Now fast forward to when you're eight years old. You're on the playground or you're in a class, and something happens and you have a thought like, "I'm stupid," or, "Nobody likes me." And you remember—first you react, and then you remember, "You know, I'm not my thoughts. I'm not stupid because I'm having this thought. I'm not unlikable because I'm having this thought. This is just a thought and it will come and go like the clouds in the sky."

Imagine this in another situation where you had a thought and you realize, "Oh, it's just a thought." Imagine you've been able to practice this your whole life. What would it be like to be here now? How would you have a different relationship with thinking if you'd been read this story many times? When you're ready, you can just open your eyes.

Do you think it might have made a difference for you if you'd been taught, "You are not your thoughts"?

Yeah. So thoughts are one part, but we tend to really give a lot of weight to our thinking. We identify so much with our thoughts. It's a very sticky place for us to start to work on being mindful of thinking.

When we're meditating and we're thinking, it can be very helpful to remind ourselves, "I didn't ask my mind to have that thought," right? I have thoughts that I feel good about and I have thoughts I don't feel good about. They can be about the same thing and be very different. Clearly, I'm not my thoughts. Thoughts are part of our narrative, they're part of how we make sense of life. And often they're conditioned by what we've been taught, different values or beliefs, things that we've been told. Our thoughts also come from what other people tell us. They're not necessarily even something we would choose to have. Over time, that changes.

So this idea is of being a little less attached to them, letting them be those clouds that come through the sky. As you're meditating, work on sitting back and opening up and just acknowledging, "Okay, there's a thought. I don't have to change it. I don't have to agree with it, I don't have to disagree with it." But literally to create some space between the thinking and the awareness.

Another way to put this is that as you're meditating, thinking is going to be happening. We don't get to have that on-off switch—thinking, not thinking. When you're meditating, you can let thoughts be in the background instead of in the foreground. Choose to keep your attention more closely focused on the breathing, or sensations, or sound, and let the thoughts be what we just know they're there. Kind of like we know the train sound is there, but we're not giving most of our attention to it.

To help yourself if you're having really sticky thinking is to ask yourself, "What am I feeling in my body right now?" Helping you kind of get out of the dream or mini-movie of the thinking and helping you connect yourself to the direct experience in the moment.

Our mind works to weave together all the things that are happening at once to create a cohesive experience for us. That means the emotions, the thoughts, the sensations in the body, the sounds, the plans, what people are doing—there's a lot that gets woven together in our mind. Part of what we're doing tonight is unraveling the thinking from the rest of the experience right now. Trying to let thoughts be something that we pay attention to in a different way. Remembering they come and go. Remembering they're not who we are.

Another thing we'll do in our first meditation is to notice the different kinds of thinking. Right now just close your eyes and sit, and notice what's happening in your mind about thinking. How are you thinking? Are you hearing a dialogue? Are you seeing words? Are you seeing images? Are the images moving? Are the images like a movie? What can you notice about how your mind thinks? How did your mind think about hearing a train? How do you know you're hearing a train?

Let's just move right into the meditation. You guys are all nicely settled, so just be aware. Adjust your posture, that's right. Take a moment, get your feet grounded, upright.

Guided Meditation

Maybe lift the shoulders, roll them back. And feel into your breathing. Just take a three-breath journey, kind of really letting yourself become intimate with the experience of breathing.

We use this term: an anchor. Is the breath an anchor for you? Does it help you come into the present moment? Is it useful for you? If it's not, is it hearing or sensations? Whatever your anchor is, take the equivalent of a three-breath journey with that anchor.

Next, we want to tune into that inner attitude or relationship, the inner posture right now. Invite a sense of trust, trust in being aware and our capacity to have mindfulness. Inviting a sense of caring and kindness with ourselves and with whatever experience arises. Inviting the mind to attend to experience.

As this is a meditation time to practice with thinking, just remind yourself that at any time, if you get caught up in the story of the thinking, it's okay to bring yourself back to your anchor. It's okay to re-center. We're going to get lost in thinking. It's gonna happen, it's normal. As soon as you become aware that you're lost in thought, you're already back. And we can just savor that back-ness, that awareness. Rest into that. There's no need to get angry at ourselves or critical.

So over and over again, we can re-center, reconnect with the breath or sound, and help ourselves feel our body. Feel embodied. Feel like, "Oh, I'm here. I'm right here. Just hear this now. This breath, this sound."

When you feel some stability, you can ask, "How am I thinking right now? Is thinking happening? If so, can I be aware of it?" Like for me, a lot of it is just this narrator, this inner coach or narrator kind of telling me what to do. And then as I get caught in the thought, it starts to become more planning and thinking. Seeing images, seeing what you can witness while feeling your feet, or your hands placed together, or your breath.

What am I aware of now? Are there images in the mind? Is there talking in the mind? Is there this concept, this thought that I should be having a particular experience? Just see if you can focus more on the process, the way you're thinking, rather than the content or the story or the material. Sort of preferencing noticing how the thinking is happening.

Sometimes the mind needs maybe a more strong intervention, like naming "thinking", or naming "planning", or "seeing". Sometimes it's just the lightest little thing, it's like, "Oh, there's a thought," and it's so soft, so subtle. Experiment a little bit with your own mind right now and see how it responds to just a very light touch, and then a more wordy response, a more specific response. Being careful not to think about thinking.

In your meditation, we're trying to get to know our own minds, the way our minds work, and notice they need different things at different times. Sometimes the mind needs a lot of help bringing the awareness back to the present moment. Sometimes we can just sort of sit back and it's like laying on the grassy field and looking up at the sky and just letting the clouds move.

Try being really generous with your thoughts, just allowing them space. One way to do this is to actually imagine space around the thinking. A thought can feel like a small, tight room. Imagine the room gets really big and there's all this space around the thought, other things can be there too. Thinking's nature is natural, no problem. We need to think, we just don't need to be ruled by our thinking.

If you happen to have one of those moments where you realize, "Oh, I was lost in a thought," see if you can kind of notice what knew that. "Wow, I'm unstuck. I'm aware I was thinking. I'm free."

In the last two minutes of the meditation, I just want to invite you to try a little less hard right now. Just relax a little bit. See if you can't connect with some sense of ease.

Isn't it amazing that we can think and see our thoughts, and not be them sometimes?

Reflections

Tanya: So what did you learn about your thinking tonight and how your mind is thinking? What did you notice?

Speaker: I learned that I'm afraid of negative thoughts. Wow, what a powerful thing to recognize.

Tanya: How did you notice that? How did you learn that?

Speaker: I think like when you said create a space for thoughts, then I didn't immediately go back to my breath and I let some thoughts be. So then I recognized, "Oh, there's some fear." And then at the end when you said try less hard, it was also kind of a signal to allow more thoughts. Then I could notice that there was a fear of having negative thoughts.

Tanya: Yeah, exactly. So this space, sort of trying to invite this little bit more awareness of the thinking gave you the capacity to see, "Oh, I'm reacting to negative thoughts." That's a good thing to know. Thank you. Anybody else willing to share what their experience of thinking was in these 15 minutes?

Anne Rose: Thank you. I found that in the time that I have been meditating, the awareness has grown. Like I know that I'm thinking when I'm thinking. It's just like I would tell myself, "Oh, this is the other arrow^[3] that I'm adding." But then I still do it. And I still go back to that tendency. I was kind of conceited, I thought, "Oh, I'm getting this, this is good. I'm finally so aware that if I'm ever gonna be upset, I'm gonna be beyond angry." And that was not the case today. And I'm like, "What is this? I thought I could maintain calm." But emotions are emotions and I can be rather emotional. But I do like how I'm trying to practice more loving-kindness and compassion with talking to myself and the thinking. Just sometimes I think too much. Thank you Tanya.

Dawn: Thank you Anne Rose, I appreciate your being willing to share. It sounds like you're really exploring this and learning a lot. Even the, "Oh, I thought I was beyond anger or emotion," and then observing the effect of emotion, right? I guess my main encouragement would be to trust the awareness that you're developing. That this is a slow process for almost all of us. Mindful awareness has the capacity to strengthen all of it over time, and this is part of the learning process. It's not a mistake, it's not a personal failing, it's not backsliding. It's seeing more and more and more, and to really trust that.

Tanya: And you know really, it's just the thought that you had that you would be able to not get angry. That was just a thought. [Laughter] And it was very seductive. "Oh yeah, I like that thought, I want that!" We have thoughts that we like and then we're duped, because our conditions are always changing.

Grace: Since I've been practicing meditation, I did become a little more present with my daily life. Like I enjoy looking at clouds more, or just listening to the sounds as they are more. So as I go through my day, I feel a minimal presence. I'm really happy about that. But in the evening when I'm trying to go to sleep, those thoughts come back. When I just thought I had a great day, and then going to sleep sometimes I have bad dreams. I kind of know where they're coming from. I've had some therapy and I may have to be in therapy more, but I guess my question is, I'm trying to deal with this kindness toward me and others, but how do you forgive people who have abused you? Emotionally and physically. Family.

Tanya: Yeah, I'm sorry, Grace. The first thing I would say is forgiveness is a process. It's a long process. I feel like I have to do this the rest of my life. Yeah, and that's okay. Maybe having them as part of family is a constant reminder. They don't think it's related to anything, so I know I can't change their thinking. I can only change myself, right?

I have found Jack Kornfield^[4] to be very helpful. He's a Dharma teacher and also a psychologist and he has a lot of YouTube videos on forgiveness. He also has a small little book called The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace. It's a really great, lovely little book. Each time I do something to help, I feel like, "Oh, I got a hold of it, I got it," and then it just comes back and it's frustrating.

Dawn: I want to add only that to recognize even that the wish to forgive is a really beautiful wish to be having. To really realize that itself is the first step of forgiveness. And it's not totally clear from the way you're talking, but of course to keep yourself safe, right? Forgiving in the midst of ongoing harm isn't appropriate.

Grace: I don't feel unsafe right now, it just happened before when I was a child.

Dawn: Right. So to even hold that child and help that child feel safe in your own heart. Second to what Tanya said, some of Jack Kornfield's work is really beautiful on this. And it's on your timeline, as is good for your heart.

Tanya: And you know, when it's right, you can experiment, Grace, with this technique that we did with your own thoughts about your history. Your memories, they're thoughts too. You don't have to get rid of them. You can play around with some of this and try different ways of responding to those thoughts when they come up. One of them might be just like, "Yes, I remember. I see you. I bow to you. I'm so sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry." And just like, "Yeah, and I'm right here right now. I'm right here right now and it's really safe and I'm now however old I am, and I survived."

The Riverbank

Dawn: So we're going into a second little talk about working with thinking, working with thoughts. Tanya was just talking about even when working with really challenging material, there's such a benefit to finding a little bit of space.

There's a visualization, I think Gil Fronsdal^[5] is the first person I've heard give this, but I've heard other teachers give it. It's kind of imagining yourself on a riverbank. This is a big river, like maybe the Mississippi River or another large river. And there are different kinds of boats going down the river.

A showboat, that's one kind of thinking, right? Like a casino boat where there's always a party going on. Or The Love Boat, there's romance. And each of these signifies a different whole realm of thought.

The way mindful awareness works is it keeps us on the bank of the river, able to have healthy distance from whatever those thoughts are as they go down the river. And the way our minds work, we can be transported, like that, onto one of these boats maybe without having even realized it. So maybe you're just sitting on the bank meditating, minding your own business, and a warship goes by. Anger, resentment, battle. Next thing you know, you've been on that boat for who knows how long. The minute you wake up, you're back on the bank and the boat goes on. There are all different kinds of little realities that seem huge when we're on them. Mindful awareness can pop us back out to the shore.

So that's the observer perspective. The knowing perspective, to be able to look at these different boats going by. Speaking from earlier in my own practice, there's the "poor me" boat, right? Which is like this decrepit, awful little canoe thing. Next thing I know, I'm like half a mile down the river in that thing. Poof, mindful awareness, back on the shore. To recognize the process that these just keep going and they are substantial and immersive as we sort of allow them to be. We get sucked into them and they kind of become reality for a little while, but then poof, back out on the shore. They're just another boat moving along on the horizon, just another cloud in the sky. That's all they need to be.

Learning to stand in the place of the observer perspective, the awareness perspective, the knowing. That's a skill any of us can develop, and it takes time. It takes time to build the muscle, build the habit of popping out of these very authoritative kinds of movies in our minds.

All kinds of things fuel our thinking. Emotions past or present, physical sensations, the interest in the thought itself. The really big one is the identification with the thought itself. "I'm like this," or, "This means I am blah blah blah." That's a big hook, very sticky. It can be quite a feedback loop.

Psychologist and Dharma teacher Rick Hanson^[6] talks about the stickiness of thoughts being like Velcro. Our mind gets stuck to a thought like Velcro. But then as mindfulness gets stronger and stronger and becomes more like a bead of water going along a leaf or along Teflon, it can just flow through, just flow by. This is powerful. Just to notice the difference and trust that that will build over time, this capacity. Thoughts are kind of insubstantial, right? They're fleeting, they weigh less than nothing.

Tanya talked about different kinds and modalities of thoughts earlier. Like visual, or that narrator—we've all got a narrator—movies, some people even have sort of a certain kind of thinking that appears as a feeling of movement or expression in their bodies, kinesthetic thinking. Concepts, words. And then there's the different processes: planning, remembering, fantasizing. Those can be helpful to name.

And then the Buddha made one other distinction that I have found really helpful in my practice. He just simply noticed when one of those showboats is increasing affliction or suffering, or if it's decreasing it. How is this thought making the body feel? What's the effect of this thought on the emotions that are arising right now? To notice that impact. It can get to the point where even just experiencing an afflictive kind of feeling is a clue that there is a thought that's not so helpful happening. You can follow it like a breadcrumb trail.

To notice what increases suffering and what helps suffering decrease in thinking is a very simple heuristic, a very simple toggle. We don't have to do anything. It takes time, and often our systems need to be exposed to the different kinds of thinking and the different effects of thinking. But for most people most of the time, this learning process, if it's done with mindful awareness, with that inner posture of kindness and allowing, the system will heal itself. It will right itself over time, so be patient with it by noticing what's helpful, what's not.

Thinking arising sometimes is just huge. When I first started practicing, I realized that my entire life I had been living as if through a television screen or kind of like a virtual reality engine of my thoughts. I used to sit in front of a window and my eyes were open and there was this filmy kind of curtain that was between me and the outside. One day I realized that those thoughts were like that filmy curtain, they were kind of partially obscuring reality every minute. So notice when the curtain's there and when the curtain's not. It's like Tanya said, there's space in between the thoughts. For most of us we can make it, sometimes it's just there.

Guided Meditation: The Riverbank

Dawn: So are you guys ready to meditate again and settle in? Settle your posture. Finding a sense of balance in your posture. Maybe weaving back and forth, up and down a little bit until you feel a sense of balance in the body.

Noticing too the inner posture. What's the relationship right now in your mind and heart? Just acknowledging that whatever it is, whatever attitude is there. Settling in on whatever anchor of attention works best for you. Coming home to the body, the breath, sound. And resting.

Inviting, privileging perhaps the experience of any thoughts that arise. Just noticing that they're there. Returning to the sensations of breathing, body, this moment.

Then tuning in perhaps to what kind of thinking is arising. Commentary, planning, remembering. Whatever it is, perhaps giving a soft gentle label. And if it subsides, stepping back to the riverbank. Returning to the body and breath, the observing faculty. Resting in the body, breathing.

If the mind is pulled into a boat of thinking, noticing, appreciating the arising of awareness, mindfulness. Savoring, returning here.

If thinking arises, noticing, is this a new thought or a repeat?

Returning to body, breath, this moment, this sound. Stepping back and allowing space between the observing and the process of thinking flowing down the river.

As this short meditation begins to draw to a close, taking a moment to notice the relationship. How is the attitude of the heart and mind? What's been observed? Just notice.

Q&A and Reflections

Dawn: We'd love to hear how you're kind of taking all this in, what you're noticing. Please.

Participant: I have a question regarding... you mentioned the film in front and that it can be pulled away, or at least I would like to be able to pull it away. It's just sometimes I find that the reassurance that I seek is outward. So I'd like to be able to do that for myself inward. Do you have any tips as to what I can say? Because I have found myself, you know, stopping myself from, "Okay, you don't have to share, you don't have to call your sister right now to tell her what's going on, you can figure it out," and then I still do. Anything would help.

Dawn: Thank you for the question. So I want to understand more about the relationship between the film and the reaching outward for assurance. Can you say just a couple more words about that?

Participant: I noticed that when I think, or whenever a problem arises, that I allow myself to be consumed by it. And then I'll try to distract myself and get busy with work or whatever, and then it still persists in the back of my mind. And then for a time I'll forget it, but it's there. And I just know it's there. So that's the film, in a sense. And I just would like to be a better companion for myself. I heard someone say that. But I often just seek it from someone else. And I would like to be there for myself without always having to do that to my sister.

Dawn: It's a really powerful question. I don't know if it's exactly a tip, but this process of turning towards your own experience that you're talking about is building that muscle, that capacity. For myself, the process of recognizing the film of whatever subconscious, half-distracted story or anxiety is going on was a really key part of the process. Of turning towards that with loving attention and just sitting with it for a while, offering that care in that way. Mindful awareness is a lot like love, it's undivided attention.

Sometimes it can be helpful to just kind of rest your hand on your heart and on your belly. One of my teachers used to model just doing this self-talk of, "Oh, it's okay, it's all right. I'm here for you." And that too is a way of beginning to cultivate that compassionate companioning you're talking about. How does that sound so far to what you're asking?

Participant: I try to do that, like, "May I be happy, safe, at peace," whatever that stuff. But I suppose I could do that on the daily. I do find myself saying, "You know, it's okay, don't worry about it, just let it go." But then I still dwell on it. That's my problem, I do like to ruminate a lot, and that's a sticky thought that I wish turned to Teflon. But I think I'm recognizing it now more so than I have in the past, so just continuing...

Dawn: Yeah, I think the way that you talk to yourself is really important. I saw Tanya turn on the mic, so I think you have something to add here.

Tanya: Have you ever tried to do a writing exercise where you do an inner dialogue? Because it sounds like you're getting upset about something and you're telling yourself, "It's okay, it's okay," but it's kind of like telling a little kid that is upset about something that it's okay, and the little kid just feels a little bit brushed to the side. Does that resonate?

It's a little bit hard sometimes to get this feeling of how to relate to ourselves. So one way can be to have it like an inner dialogue. For me it's like, "Oh, the part of me that feels hurt, my hurt part says this." And I write out what the hurt part would say. I let it say in a sentence or paragraph whatever it wants to say. "This is not fair, kids are really mean," whatever it is. Okay.

And then there's another part in me, like a compassionate self or a wise self or a good friend. What I would be if I was talking to my friend. "This is what I would say to her, so let me say this back to myself." And then let the hurt part hear that, and then respond. And then let the good friend part hear and respond.

Doing it on paper can be helpful to practice how to have this and create this inner exchange. I think it's hard to start to tease apart our parts. It's like, "Oh yeah, I'm actually really hurt and frustrated. Oh look, I'm resentful. Oh, I'd stomp my feet right now if I could." There's a way of letting that be named and seen and saying, "Okay, well what does that part of me need right now? What would be helpful?" Like, "Yeah, that was rude." Or, "Well, maybe we're overreacting right now." Whatever it is that we need to say to ourselves. But mostly it's helping tease apart the parts.

Announcements and Closing

Tanya: Thank you. I think it's time for us to close. If anybody has any comments or questions after, feel free to come up, but we'll try and formally close on time. I'll start with two announcements. You've got your handouts which have your homework outlined on them.

This Saturday, in a couple of days, Dawn and another teacher are offering a day-long retreat called The Seven Factors of Awakening. So it's a really nice opportunity to come and practice back-to-back meditation with instructions and support and a community.

And then next Saturday the 4th, Bruni Dávila, who's another teacher here, is doing an Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation day-long retreat from 9:00 to 4:30. So two opportunities. We don't have that many day-longs these days, we're trying to have more of them, but really great opportunities. You can come for half the day if you don't have the whole time. You can bring your lunch, meet people. One of the things we've been doing with COVID is to let people talk outside during lunch. Otherwise, it used to be we would be silent all day, but because we don't get much chance to interact, that might be possible. Anyway, I just want to encourage if you have any interest at all and you're free, to try. It's really supportive and it can take your practice to another level.

I'll let you read your handouts for your homework. Just keep practicing. That's really the most important thing. Every day, even if it's for five minutes, it makes a big difference. You know, it really, really helps to take the time.

So may this class, may our time together, may what you each shared be fruitful and beneficial, not just for yourselves but for anybody who listens to the class, who is watching with us on YouTube. And for yourself and each other when you go out into the world. May this be of benefit for all beings everywhere without exception. Thank you for your practice.