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Happy Hour: Compassion as Natural as the Air We Breathe

Introduction

Hello friends, hello and welcome to Happy Hour. If you can hear me okay, please give me a thumbs up. Is the audio okay? Fantastic, great. Hi, I'm Nikki. I'm in Mountain View, California, and sit on Ohlone^[1] land, welcoming you to Happy Hour. As always, we start by saying hello, welcoming each other, welcoming ourselves. So who wants to say hi? Who wants to warm up the space with hellos? Take it away.

Hello One Wheeler on YouTube from Tarzana, California, and Kitten from Thailand. Who else wants to say hi on Zoom? Lots of folks joining us on YouTube. Leslie from Santa Cruz, hi Leslie. Hi, it's Claudia, I'm in San Mateo today. Neil in New Hampshire, hi Neil, good evening to you. It's Barbara in Alameda, hi Barbara. We also have folks on YouTube. We have, "Hello Nikki, Sleepless in Scotland, UK." Yes, it's pretty late there. Hello Clarion. We also have folks joining us from Australia. We're quite international in this moment. Who else wants to say hi? Maybe I'll take a couple more hellos. Hi Amy, who says Aloha in Oahu. Hi Nina, zooming in from East Elmhurst, New York City. Spanning lots of time zones. Durham, North Carolina. Okay, let's get started. The Sangha^[2] has assembled.

We are here from lots of different places in the world. Thank you, Neil, for posting information about the Happy Hour Google Groups. If you are new to Happy Hour, you are warmly invited to join. We have a Google group for keeping in touch with one another and receiving information. At this time, I changed the settings so accidental unmuting won't happen; the space will stay quiet. I changed the chat settings to be only coming to hosts, but I ask you to keep that channel quiet because it can be quite distracting to receive chats while I'm teaching. I'll open it later for reflections. Last but not least, I'm going to turn on recording on Audio Dharma.

Here we go. Great, so hello and welcome to Happy Hour, friends, wherever in the world you are joining from. It's lovely to be with you, lovely to sit together.

Some of you might know that this week I'm subbing for Gil^[3] for the 7:00 a.m. sit. The theme for this week I'm exploring is compassion. It is compassion, a theme that we've explored, of course, a lot in Happy Hours. I wanted to explore and invite us to practice with very subtle, very gentle, quiet compassion this evening with the breath. Just very subtle. Let it be in the background, in the foreground in a way, suffusing our breath, suffusing this moment.

My intention is to have a pretty quiet guided meditation tonight to really settle into the space with silence, with kindness, with warmth, and holding whatever challenges there might be with compassion, with kindness. So that's the plan. Let's practice together.

Guided Meditation

Arriving in this moment in time. In our bodies and on the cushion or the chair. Relaxing, softening the body. However the body is in this moment, inviting the body to soften, to relax. Not pushing away any discomfort, but softening around it, softening into it. And letting the breath be supportive in this softening.

Lending awareness to greet each breath in the body. The entirety of the in-breath, the entirety of the out-breath. Really support us to land, especially if we're feeling restless or distracted. Connecting with the entirety of the breath, not as a chore^[4], not as a grim duty, but with care, with kindness towards ourselves.

Can we allow, can we invite kindness to be breathed in with each breath breathed in and breathed out? Breathing in kindness, breathing out kindness. Breathing in kindness towards this body. Breathing out kindness, goodwill, friendliness around this body.

Not so much as an effortful breathing in, but letting it be breathed. Imagining that the air around you is infused with kindness, so there is no other way. There's no other way than to breathe in goodwill, kindness, friendliness into this heart, into this body, into these lungs. Nourishing ourselves with goodwill. Letting goodwill find its way to every cell of this body. It's already available. It's no work, it's already here. It's also breathed out. It's so natural, as natural as the breath itself, as breathing itself, automatic.

Maybe you experiment with greeting kindness that's being breathed in with a smile. Or maybe a smile shows up because it's quite lovely to be breathing in kindness and goodwill into the body and feeling nourished by it. There's a natural gladness that arises.

Realizing that the conditions are like this right now. Whatever the conditions are in the body, in your mind, in your heart, that it is like this right now. And if there are any challenges present right now in the physical space or emotional space, letting this kindness that you breathe in, that's being breathed in—the goodwill, friendliness—meet, really hold great space around whatever challenge there might be.

And difficulty is met with kindness, with goodwill. This is compassion. Meeting difficulty, physical pain, emotional challenges, pain, with kindness, with gentleness, goodwill. This is compassion for ourselves.

So let kindness be breathed in again. Goodwill continue to be breathed in, breathed out, meeting whatever is necessary in this moment.

And don't make breathing in and out kindness into a hyperventilation or too much work. Let it be natural. It's just in the air around you. It's very subtle, very subtle. You're sitting in it. It's infusing your body, your heart. It's kindness holding whatever might be challenging.

Maybe you find that your body feels more relaxed or safer. More at ease. Maybe something releases, some holding releases in the heart or in the body. As you sit in this air imbued with goodwill, kindness, gentleness, as it's breathed in and out naturally.

Nowhere to go, nothing to do. It's not a doing. This invitation, not a doing. It's a non-doing. It's a natural way of being. Let it be as natural as the breath happening on its own.

Infusion of goodwill, kindness meeting whatever is arising with mettā^[5]. And if it's a challenge, it becomes compassion.

As we turn to bring this meditation to a close, letting there be kindness. Gentle appreciation for having showed up, as best as you were able to in this moment. No need for judgment, comparison, and if any arise, let them be held in this air, in this space of kindness. Trusting we are planting seeds of goodness, kindness. To support ourselves, support our loved ones, all beings whose lives we touch directly and indirectly. May all beings everywhere be well, be free, including ourselves.

Thank you friends, thank you for your practice.

Talk and Reflections

I love this gentle practice. It's like sitting in a warm bath, breathing in air of kindness. Just the whole body can relax into it. There's not so much doing, and I certainly feel happier and more gentle, and also more awake, more alert.

What we did was basically, I invited you to work with kindness not as so much a doing, but as natural as breathing. That kindness being breathed in, kindness being breathed out towards the body, towards others, internally, externally, though our focus really was ourselves. Then I asked you if there's any challenges in the body or in the mind, let this kindness, goodwill meet the difficulty, the pain. As many of you might already know, when kindness, when mettā meets and holds suffering and pain, that is the expression of compassion. Compassion is mettā plus suffering, so that it gets expressed as karuṇā^[6], as compassion. So we were playing around with that in this session in a very gentle, non-doing way. Just letting it be, letting the body rest in it, and letting kindness, goodwill infuse the body.

As always, after we practice on the cushion on our own with our eyes closed, we have an opportunity to bring the practice into a relational field. Can we now enter a space of kindness towards ourselves and towards a couple of other practitioners with this gentle air of kindness, as if there is kindness in the Zoom room, in the bits and bytes, as we breathe together? Showing up with this kindness for ourselves in this relational field.

The invitation is, if you want to share anything about how this practice was for you, if there were any aha moments or challenges, you are welcome to. You could also just say pass and hold compassionate, kind presence for yourself and others. The three of you in the room can sit together in silence the whole time, or until somebody wants to share something. Let yourself speak from the heart. Let it be a council where you speak from the heart. You don't ask questions, just share and you speak from your own heart, and the next person, if they want, they do that, and then the next person. We'll come back to you and go around and round. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. No directing, just showing up either with silence, with kindness, or with words, whatever you'd like to share.

So I'm going to create the breakout rooms. It's quite a gift to be able to share the practice with lighthearted—not just like-minded, but lighthearted—practitioners. It's such a gift. I'll create the rooms, and if you do say something, let it be brief so other people have a chance to join you. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Your rooms are open, here we go.

The rooms will close in about 10 seconds, so we'll wait until everybody is back.

Okay, the rooms are closed, everyone is back, and we have some time for questions, reflections. I'm going to change the chat settings, you can also type your reflections in chat if you like.

Malaya, am I saying your name right?

Malaya: Yeah, I want to say thank you so much. I feel like this meditation really helps me because I've been experiencing some physical health problems lately where I have a lot of discomfort and pain. When I was meditating, I thought of a flower, and then I was like, "Oh, I am also a flower." And it looks like this is strange, I was like, "I am also a flower." And then I was like, "Well, I'm a flower because I have my own beauty and I'm growing because flowers grow and they blossom, and they have their own seasons." Because I feel like I've been judging myself, comparing myself to how I was before I started experiencing these health problems. So thank you.

Nikki: Oh wow. Thank you so much Malaya for bringing that in. I see the hearts in Zoom. Thank you so much for sharing, so beautiful. Thank you for bringing that in and being a witness for your own sake and also supporting everyone with your insights. How beautiful to have this insight. Yes, I'm part of nature just like a flower. I have my seasons, and there are different seasons, and I continue to grow through this challenge. And the sense of kindness and also, yes, what you said, acknowledging your own beauty, your own goodness, this flowering. Yay! It's so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that, how lovely.

Claire, please.

Claire: It's a little pity because my computer's not working right, but what I really wanted to talk about was the relationship between compassion and self-pity. Because I've had an extremely difficult life, I really truly have. But I spent a lot of it going into fits of self-pity and not accomplishing very much because I felt so sorry for Claire. Little by slowly, I've been introduced to situations where the people around me had more difficulties by far than I did. I'm not going to tell all their stories, but anyway, I'm now working for an organization that fosters independence for the disabled. It's a marvelous experience because it's forcing me to stop looking at all my woes and look at the people whose lives are much more difficult than mine, and I am able to feel compassion for them. But this practice tonight was perfect because it's exactly what I want to keep working on. It can bring so much joy when you're trying to provide service for people who really need it and not get wrapped up in self.

Nikki: Yeah, exactly. It's a way of serving and also it's us, right? Not them versus us, or their suffering. It's, I could be suffering anymore, things can shift and change at any moment. We all have our seasons, as Malaya beautifully brought in. We all have our seasons, we all go through challenging periods, and every single human being will go through changes, transitions, challenges. So it's really us. So thanks, Claire. Thanks for bringing that sense of service and humility and gladness. Thank you.

One question I'll address is, someone asked how to handle when in small groups people ask questions of one another, especially not following instructions. It's perfectly okay to ever so kindly and gently and lovingly remind each other—not in a policing way, but like, "Oh yeah, we're not supposed to ask each other questions, we're not supposed to give advice to one another, we're just supposed to share from our own experience." So feel free to take your seat of compassionate awareness and serve the community in this way. "Oh yeah, we're not supposed to, that was part of the instructions." It could be very gentle or perhaps in a light or even humorous way, but it is okay to do that. It really is okay to do that because I am inviting you to create the sense of safety for one another, and not ask questions and not give advice. So I hope that is helpful to everyone, and especially for the person who asked this question in chat.

Serena?

Serena: Thank you so much for giving me an opportunity to share. I haven't shared for a long while now. I have a question because what happened in my meditation is I had this overwhelming feeling of joy that I kind of brought in from where I was earlier. So I hardly was able to tune into your instructions because this overwhelming feeling of joy was in my being. So the best I was able to do was to just be with it, and be with the thoughts that were associated with it. So I'm just wondering in terms of practice whether that was skillful or not.

Nikki: Yeah, thank you for bringing that in and asking that. What I'm hearing is that there was a sense of overwhelming joy, and what you were doing is to be with it, to witness it, to hold it. I also heard that maybe a lot of thinking was coming up, if I heard you correctly. And maybe the way to be with it is not to get taken away and go on a journey of thinking, but stay with the joy. Stay with the joy, but not with the thinking. So what I would suggest is drop the story. Drop the story of the joy and the happiness, which might be looking forward to something or reminiscing about something. Drop all that and stay with the physicality, the sense of joy in your heart. How does it feel in the body, in the mind? And be kind. As long as you're being kind to whatever arises during your meditation, you're doing it right. So if joy arises, be with it with kindness. If something painful arises, be with it with kindness. If just the breath arises, be with it with kindness. So that's what I would suggest, that's the way to be with it. Does that help?

Serena: Thank you so much, yeah.

Nikki: You are very welcome. Thank you. So thank you all. Thank you for your practice, for your wholeheartedness, for your cultivation. This is such beautiful cultivation we're doing together for the sake of ourselves and all beings everywhere. So thank you. May you be well, may you be happy, may you have joy, may you have ease. And realize every single one of us is a flower, appreciating what Malaya brought in. Every single one of us is a beautiful flower, and we have our own unique fragrance that we share with the world, we spread in the world. And we also have our seasons. We all have our seasons, to appreciate that. It's all the season. So be well, take good care. May all beings be well, may all beings be happy. Thanks everyone. Thank you.