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Practice Notes: Practice Symptoms

Welcome and warm greetings to this time, these next 30 minutes for our meditation. Meditation has a lot to do with being local. Everything from the Dharma^[1] point of view, in a sense, is local. It's here. Local means in the locale of this body, this time, here, now.

And so it's possible to have a bird's eye view of something. I was struck by... I was in New Zealand in February during the cyclone, and the bird's eye view of the intensity of the storm was terrible. The news was focusing on some of the great damage that was being done and people killed. And it was not being shown from this kind of high-end view where all the people who were helping each other locally... A lot of people were coming to the aid of neighbors and friends, and a lot of people mobilized to try to help. So we got closer and closer to where we were. The people right there in the little place that I was staying and practicing, they were so kind and so friendly and so supportive. And that didn't make the front news—that there were kind, supportive, helpful people.

So we begin being really local. And here the most local is here with ourselves. And here we try to care, appreciate for the people who are most close with you, which happens to be you, yourself. Not in some kind of sentimental way, not in some kind of conceited way, but kind of a straightforward, very simple appreciation and respect for the life that's being lived in this body, in this heart, in this mind. That this life, too, if you come in close, is something to care for, support, and to appreciate and to respect.

We come to our mind. We learn over time that everyone can be respected, including ourselves. Deep respect. Everyone can be appreciated, a deep appreciation, including ourselves. Partly because the alternative of not having respect and not having appreciation is not very healthy. It actually in some ways takes more work, takes more mental power, even though sometimes people have it as a habit and it's so easy to do. And the most local, most deep place to be is to be here caring for, respecting, appreciating this life, life around us, people around us. And the most local of it all is here with ourselves.

And with the eyes closed in meditation, it's a training ground of letting go of all that is not respectful, all that is unappreciative about yourself. And you'll find you don't have to do appreciation or do respect. If you let go of all that disrespect and non-appreciation, then you'll find that it's kind of like the appreciation is there, the respect is there. It's just there. The deepest respect is not something we have to muster up.

So to assume a respectful meditation posture. That posture in which you're going to appreciate this body, this life now. So no posture that requires excessive strain, no heroic posture. Gently closing your eyes and becoming aware of your body breathing.

Your body has breathed many, many, many breaths in this lifetime. Breathing has been a companion, support, the helper. In all its different ways it cares for you the best it can. And deeper than the breathing is your heartbeat. Sometimes in meditation you can feel it, sometimes you can't. The heart's been beating for you for longer than you've been breathing.

Some people consider the heart beating, the body breathing, to be the source, the origin, the beginning of this life we're living now, here. Breathing and heart beating and blood moving through the body are part of a vast physiological system, neurological systems that are here to support you, operating often without any thanks or even recognition here. And to have some modicum of appreciation and respect for this body, even with all its challenges.

And rather than appreciating yourself for now, appreciate that you can appreciate the body. Be the appreciator, the respecter of this body, this heart, and this mind. They're appreciating it, respecting it, even though they all have their challenges and difficulties. Still close up there's a lot of goodness, a lot of help, a lot of things that are working, a lot that's a miracle to be sitting here.

In every breath, every heartbeat, every sensation in the body, even every thought, feeling, emotion is a bit of a miracle that it should even exist. All part of a large cooperative effort on the part of this mind-body to care for you, and for you to care for, to appreciate. Settling yourself into this breathing body with appreciation for all, maybe even a sense of awe that quiets and stills the thinking mind.

And as we come to the end of this meditation, to drop the word into you, to drop the word "appreciation." Dropping it like a pebble into a pond, and where does the word appreciation land in you? Where does it come to rest? Not pushed away, not questioned, doubted, but let the word, the concept "appreciation," settle in and come to rest someplace within.

And maybe from there to gaze upon the world with appreciation. Gaze upon the people in your life and your neighborhoods. Appreciating them, respecting them. And with that appreciation, simple and direct, to wish them well. Imagine them well and wish it for them.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be free. May all beings be free of unhappiness. May all beings be free of fear. May all beings be free of war and fighting and aggression. And may all beings be free of their bondage to create hatred and delusion. May all beings be free.

Thank you.

Dharmette: The Means and The Goal

Then this will be the third talk on the elements, the aspects of compassion. One way of thinking about this is there are the building blocks for compassion. Compassion is such a wonderful ideal and wonderful attitude to have, and it's championed in many ways. But it's often presented, I think, that you're supposed to be compassionate, or you want to be compassionate, as if you could just kind of muster it up and just do it on a moment's notice.

But I think more realistically, there's a foundation put in place for healthy compassion. For compassion that doesn't slide into distress, or slide into a kind of losing ourselves in other people, excessive preoccupation with others and losing touch with ourselves. And so, putting in the foundation, having the building blocks.

On Monday I talked about having awareness. Not just being aware, but having a sense of autonomy in that awareness. A sense of stability and strength in the awareness so that the awareness is almost something that is not entangled or caught in what we're aware of. That kind of healthy, very sane, and kind of distance, or openness, or bigness. So awareness is bigger than anything that we are aware of, or awareness is a step back and can gaze kindly upon what's there. So a sense of autonomy in the awareness. That sense of autonomy then is something that comes into a fullness as we put these elements into place for compassion. So finally, when compassion is mature, there's a clear sense of autonomy, or independence, or freedom in compassion itself.

So yesterday it was attunement. One of the meanings of attunement is to come into harmony with something. So rather than headlong rush into having compassion, caring for someone, helping them, fixing them, doing something, it's taking the time with that sense of autonomy to find what's the harmonious way of being here. What's the way to be attuned or resonant with someone that's appropriate for both of us together? And that effort to find that, you know, it means we're exercising a certain degree of autonomy. We're not lost in the experience or lost in our preoccupation. We're standing there upright and stable, and then finding, where is the resonance? How do I be here in an appropriate way to not identify with the person's suffering or become it, but rather, how do I be attuned to it? To recognize it, to accompany it, to be present in that way that's helpful.

And then the next step in these five elements of compassion is appreciation. And appreciation carries a lot more value if we're autonomous, if we're our own person, who then can meet someone with appreciation. If we sink, or are less than a full person, or if we feel like we have to take care of someone or join them in their misery or what's going on, then they might feel like there's some companionship. Some people want to have people proving that they are committed to some kind of way of caring for them, but there's less there to offer. But if we can be kind of upright and autonomous, then we can really come with a certain healthy strength, a healthy presence, where we're radiating more, so that our appreciation and our respect for others has a fuller field, a fuller kind of presence to be recognized.

And so, appreciation has a lot to do with valuing someone else, valuing who they are. It also means appreciating the wholeness of a person, and not getting stuck on particular things they've done, particular things they've said, particular quirks they have that you might like or not like. But to step back and appreciate: this is a human being who's been born, who's been a baby, who's gone through tremendous different kind of life experiences growing up. Some very challenging, some maybe wonderful. This is a person that's had to navigate so many things in this life, in a complicated life we all have, and challenging lives. And here's a person who's taken a lot of knocks in this life and had a lot of challenges, perhaps. Or this is a person who's finding their way.

And this is a person to grant them their autonomy. The respect that's in appreciation is an especially important thing because of respecting their autonomy, their ability to make choices for themselves. Their ability to be a dignified, valued person whose opinions matter, whose experience matters, whose life matters. But not to interfere, not to come with compassion and try to tell them what to do and what they have to do and all these things. And so, to appreciate others.

And part of the appreciation factor, where that can come from, is it begins not necessarily with gazing upon the other person, thinking about the other person, thinking about what to appreciate, but rather it begins within ourselves. To get settled in the place of awareness. Settled in our bodies, settled in the present moment. So that the reactive mind, the judging mind, the opinionated mind, the scared mind that offers disrespect or disappreciation, or worse, prejudice and bias, or resentment, or envy, or blame, or all kinds of things that the mind does... one of the functions of meditation and mindfulness is to settle all that. So that we can live in the world from a different place. And that different place is a place where we appreciate how special it is to be grounded, centered, calm. We appreciate being aware. It's a miracle to be aware. It's a miracle to be mindful. And to be busy in life, running around doing all the things we do, we don't remember what a miracle it is.

And so, to come to a place where we simply appreciate being aware. It's such a miracle. Then the gaze of appreciation is one that appreciates regardless of what it sees. So it's not really so dependent on the other person being just right, and just perfect, and doing everything the way you want the person to do. The person can even do things which maybe are unethical, and the appreciation is not an approval of that or letting them get away with it, but it's not being limited to that, and seeing the whole person.

I've known people who did live an unethical life and it all changed for them. The thing that transformed them was when they met with someone who didn't see them through the lens of what they had done, but saw them as a whole person, just appreciated who they were. And to be seen that way by someone else, they kind of opened to a more fullness of who they are and what they can be. That was powerful for them, and their unethical behavior stopped. A kind of miracle story, maybe, but it's powerful to be gazed on and be seen this whole way with appreciation, rather than limiting people to a particular small part of who they are.

And so, to have compassion without appreciation might not be compassion. To have compassion without appreciation and respect for the person, I don't think that the compassionate action we do will be so clean, or so effective, or touch something so deep. It might be fixing or helping, or it might be enabling even something that they shouldn't be enabled to do. There's something about engaging someone with compassionate care where, in the care, they feel the appreciation, the respect. They feel like they're being treated as a dignified autonomous person who can make their own decisions. And you're there again to be their friend, to accompany them, to be available to offer what support might be needed, but you're not asserting yourselves. We're not proving ourselves. We're not feeling sorry for someone or having pity for someone. The appreciation is there. The deep respect.

I like to believe that this Dharma practice is a practice that brings forth a lot of respect for ourselves, for the world, for others. And to live with mindfulness is to live with respect. The kind of respect that we're always ready to bow to everyone. If we step out of respect, that bow may be even a little reverence, a bow of deep appreciation. Sometimes bows of gratitude, sometimes bows of delight and joy. Something like that, that we're always ready to bow. We might not actually bow, but the heart is always ready for that. That kind of appreciation, that kind of respect. Even of our enemies, to bow. At least bow in our hearts. To always be ready.

This is a tall order, but some modicum of this awareness, attunement, and then appreciation is really this building block for us then to eventually get to compassion.

So, why don't you go around today... I think it would be fantastic if you would explore this concept of appreciation and respect for others. How often do you have appreciation for the people you pass on the street, or in the stores, or at work, or in neighborhoods? Is that part of your social orientation, to appreciate or respect the people who come around you? Or is that something you have to remind yourself to have appreciation? What's it like for you to bring forth... can you bring forth an appreciation and respect that's less a doing and more an allowing of some deep, almost innate capacity for respect and appreciation when disrespect and non-appreciation have fallen away? So if you wish, explore that during the day.

And until we meet again. And that may be a foundation for tomorrow, where we talk about aspiration as part of an element of compassion. Thank you.