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Happy Hour: Shining the Light of Care & Compassion

Introduction

Okay, great. So a warm welcome to all of you, wherever in the world you are joining this moment. For today's practice, we have been making our way through the different categories of the Brahma-viharas, and we've made our way to the category of compassion: cultivating our heart in compassion, in karuṇā^[1], for all beings.

I'll say a couple of words about this particular category. This category, actually similar to all categories, is aspirational. Sometimes it can feel like, "Wait, wishing all beings to be free from suffering and be well? That's impossible. Of course they suffer." So it's not the idea that you are going to wish them well and that they will be well.

This is similar to the Bodhisattva^[2] aspiration, or vow, which is something like, "Beings are numberless; I vow to save them," fully knowing that you can't save every single being. It's inconceivable, right? To even take that vow, our perception needs to shift. It's aspirational. We are doing this in order to cultivate our own heart, not that every single being will be saved or every single being will be free from suffering, but you're cultivating your heart—in this case, in the wish for every being to be free from suffering, to be cared for.

It's training our own heart, without attachment to the outcome that yes, every being will be happy, because the outcome is beyond our control. What is within our control is the cultivation of our heart. So this practice of wishing well, of cultivating compassion for all beings everywhere, is an aspiration of cultivating our heart in kindness and goodness. Does that make sense?

With that aspiration of cultivating our hearts for wishing well for all beings, knowing fully well that yes, there is suffering in the world, there is pain, there is sadness, and we are not empowered—this one person—to take it all away, to make it all better, but that's not the object. It's about us turning our hearts into goodwill: "May that be so. May that be so," fully knowing that it's not possible. But "may that be so"—that is our wish, that is our intention. All beings, no one left out. Not just these beings, but not those other beings. The ones that are this shape, but not that other shape. No, all beings. May all beings be well. That's the idea here. So with that, let go of all the words. Too many words. Let's practice.

Guided Meditation

First of all, settling. Arriving in our bodies, in our breath. Arriving, landing, settling in the body. Letting go of any tension, any tightness. Settling in with the breath and the body. Relaxing, softening. Intimate with each breath.

Just tilling the soil first. Settling, arriving with the breath. The lower abdomen. Greeting this body and whatever is present. Intimately connecting with each in-breath and out-breath. The entirety of the in-breath and the out-breath in the lower abdomen. Just this breath, right here. Not past, not future. Right here, right now.

And now I would like to invite you, as you breathe, as the breath is received in your lower abdomen, in your chest, your proverbial heart center, as each breath is received, inhale and exhale, imagining that you're connecting with every exhale, and every exhale is bringing comfort and ease, spreading goodness.

At first, let's start with the circle of beings who are close to you. Yourself, people you care about, close to your heart, maybe close to you physically if you wish. Knowing fully well that everyone you're considering in this moment—yourself and the beings who are close to your heart—we all have challenges in our lives. Some stress, some difficulty, some dukkha^[3], some dissatisfaction or suffering.

With each breath, with each out-breath, wishing ease and comfort, freedom from this suffering. It's an aspiration, as a cultivation of your heart. May all of us be free from pain and sorrow, from difficulties. May we have peace, may we have ease. The circle could just be you, and maybe a couple of people you care about. Starting simple, or a couple of pets included. It's all good.

And then expanding in your own time, little by little, as if your heart is shining goodness, shining goodwill, warmth, good wishes, well-being. With each breath, spread further out. You don't have to breathe any harder. Imagine it happens on its own. The light of your heart, goodwill, gets shared.

May all beings, all beings all over the world, may they be free from sorrow, pain, difficulty, challenges. All humans, whatever continent they live on. All continents of the world. Whatever language they speak, whatever race, nationality, gender identity, size, age. All people around the world, may they be free from sorrow, may they be happy.

May all beings who fly be free from sorrow and challenges and pain. May they be free. May all beings who are four-legged, may they be free from challenge, difficulty, pain. May they be free, may they be happy. Knowing full well that many four-legged beings in the world are hunted, knowing that challenge is a part of life, and cultivating our heart for wishing them well, wishing them freedom from challenge, pain, difficulty.

May all beings who slither or crawl, all beings born and yet to be born, may they be free from sorrow, pain, physical, emotional. May they be free, may they be happy. Beaming your goodwill for all beings. No beings left out.

Cultivating, breath by breath, goodwill and kindness. A heart of goodwill and kindness, as if your heart was shining its beam of goodwill, care, light, and would bring succor. As if it were bringing succor to all beings who are in front of you. The front direction. Numberless beings. All beings to the front, may they be free from sorrow and pain and challenges. May they be free. May they have ease.

All the beings to the right side. All beings in the back direction. The beam of light of goodness of your heart shining as if a curtain is being pulled, a curtain that was obstructing this light of goodness. Shining to the back this light of goodwill.

And to the left direction. The curtain pulled back now, the light shining. This light from your heart, there's nothing you have to do. It's already there. Shining, wishing well. May all beings in this direction, may all of them be free from sorrow and suffering.

And to the upwards direction. Removing the curtain on top, letting it shine upward. All the beings seen and unseen. And then the bottom direction, downwards to the depths. All the worms, underground creatures, into the other side of the earth and beyond.

Your heart shining in all directions this light of goodwill. Noticing that this light also shines on yourself first, before shining on all beings everywhere. Letting your body relax. You are included in this compassion. May all beings everywhere be free from sorrow and pain and difficulty. May they have ease. May they have goodness.

If at any point this practice becomes challenging or overwhelming, you can simply hold yourself in compassion, because you're the one who's feeling challenged, having difficulty, and most deserving of compassion. If it feels challenging. If not, you can continue shining your light of goodwill, letting it shine. Not getting in the way. There's a friendliness, goodwill that we all have available in us.

And noticing how bringing awareness to this goodwill, light of goodness, brings more comfort, care, more ease to your own heart, more gladness, more safety.

For the last moment of this practice, holding yourself in kindness, appreciation, mettā^[4], and karuṇā. If this was challenging, also appreciating whatever arose or did not arise. You're here. You're planting seeds, cultivating your heart in goodness, in connection, in gladness, without attachment to outcome.

Reflections

Thank you all for your practice. I would love to invite you, if you wish, to share any reflections, questions, comments, challenges, complaints. Especially if you haven't shared in a while. What did you notice? Knowing that by sharing your wisdom you're supporting the whole Sangha^[5] with your questions and observations, if you wish.

Clark: I've always found mettā or compassion for all beings difficult because I do well with visualization, and so it's sometimes hard to know what to visualize for all beings. My mind's just like, "I don't know what that is." And I also struggle with compassion because I tend to want to fix the problem, or it feels hard to be like, "Here, I'm just going to shine this light on you, not really helping you." But tonight, I really noticed I was imagining myself as just this heart light flying around. I would imagine a scene and imagine the heart light flying around and illuminating people, and they didn't even necessarily know I was there, but I felt care and tenderness for them. Rather than when I feel like I have to solve the problem, I constrict because I'm like, "That's a lot of responsibility, and I don't think I can do it." The framing that you did at the beginning really helped me get there. It was subtle, but it was pretty powerful. I was like, "Oh, that's the point! You don't have to make them smile; they might not want it at all." So thank you, that finally helped the compassion for all beings land for me.

Nikki: Beautiful, Clark. I'm getting chills as you're describing your experience, and how this subtle shift in the framing really brought it alive for you. I love you imagining yourself as the light traveling, and just with a sense of concern and warmth for people's challenges, not a sense of, "It's my responsibility." That's exactly it! I'm celebrating the shift and the opening for this practice for you. Thanks so much for sharing that beautifully.

Susan: That made me happy what Clark was sharing, and I had sympathetic joy. But I wanted to jump on here and say that I had the experience of being really distracted and having a lot of thoughts. I'm so grateful for the reminders so often that there's no bad meditation. So I noticed there was a lack of beating myself up, and then I could just be with the disappointment of not having had those moments of liberation that I wanted. That was cool.

Nikki: Thank you, Susan. I really appreciate what you said about not beating yourself up. Distractions happen. The not beating ourselves up at the end of this period of practice, as a reminder, that's the moment that's perhaps... I mean, all of the moments of practicing mettā and compassion throughout the guided meditation are just as important, but somehow for me, that last moment is more important. If you don't beat yourself up because you were distracted—yay! Now that is really in action. Because you can take all of this to the rest of your life. I really want to celebrate not beating yourself up. That is so important, like, "I did my best. These are the causes and conditions, and I tried to bring my mind back. I was present for half of it and not for the rest, and I did my best. I planted the seeds, and it's okay." Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I'm so happy to hear that shift, which can happen over time.

Bill says in the chat, "I was able to generate a loving feeling in short iterations, but it was too easy to let my attention stray and for the feeling to dissipate." Fine, see above, as Susan talked about it, Bill!

So, dear ones, let's practice in community, because now the others who will be in a small group with you—holding you, and you holding them—they're part of all beings. You're part of all beings. So just as beautifully as Clark described, you're this little light shining, and not taking responsibility, but expressing care, expressing warmth for them and for yourself. Let's work with that image, and maybe we'll start with 30 seconds of silent mettā for each other as you go into your group. Just 30 seconds of silence, just looking at each other with eyes open with mettā and karuṇā, knowing that everybody here has challenges, of course we do. And sharing as much or as little as you wish about your practice after the 30 seconds. If you have to go, understandable, but I hope you stay. This part of connecting with others is a really beautiful part of creating connections, creating community, and heaven knows we need connections and community at the time of COVID. So here we go, I'm going to open the rooms. Enjoy.

(Breakout rooms)

Welcome back, everyone. We have a few minutes left if you would like to share any reflections from your group practice, or from the first part of practice. I would love for you to share your wisdom, your observations, as they support others, especially if you usually don't share.

Holly: Just after that group chat, it's making me think that life doesn't stop for the meditation. Things have momentum or want to come up or want to be heard, and then we just sit and have a go at the meditation in the middle of what's happening. I find it helpful because the happy hour in particular helps bring an atmosphere of kindness around it, and then that love can seep in. I can hold the experiences more lightly and with more compassion, and get a bit of distance from it, maybe. It's not coming from inside and dominating my whole experience, but my experience is wider and it's just one thing that's happening.

Nikki: I appreciate what you're saying. Emily is agreeing with you in chat and she says, "Especially being at home." There's something about doing your thing at home, and then "Oh, happy hour, okay," and you practice. It infuses your heart and your life. Your mind might think about that issue or problem during meditation, which is fine. The heart brings a perspective of kindness towards yourself and towards the human beings in your life that perhaps you're entangled with. Whatever is happening, you come back to the guided meditation, and then when you leave the happy hour, there might be a slightly different perspective. It has seeped through your life. What a beautiful perspective to bring in and to acknowledge. I completely agree, that can be the advertisement for happy hours: let the kindness seep through your life! Brilliant, thank you, Holly.

Jerry says in the chat, "It was helpful in the group chat to hear how active listening to others is in itself a way of reducing suffering." Thank you for raising that. Anything else you want to add to that, Jerry?

Jerry: I had commented in the group about how, when people die, I know that acceptance of it is natural, but still people are suffering. I was questioning how I am helping reduce suffering when someone is dying and grieving profusely. I was relieved when I heard the comment of the group about how actually just active listening could be a form of reducing suffering. I was feeling some pain that I wasn't doing enough.

Nikki: I appreciate you raising that, and I want to highlight it some more. As your group has wisely highlighted, the act of just listening can be so healing. We underestimate how healing and supportive that can be. Not jumping in. In fact, trying to jump in to fix or give advice can be painful. Earlier today, I was with someone dear to me who's going through a really difficult time, and I just sat and listened. I just touched her knee and just listened. I said, "Mmhmm, yes," I agreed, but it wasn't my role to give advice or say, "Do this." I just listened. And I could feel their nervous system kind of relax. Her mind relaxed, just kind of, "Ah," just listening. So thanks for raising that, Jerry.

So dear ones, we have come to the end of another happy hour together. I want to thank you all for your practice. You do this practice not just for yourself, but for all beings whose lives you touch directly and indirectly. May all beings be happy, may all beings be free, including ourselves. Thank you all.