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Brahmavihāras: Loving-Kindness (5 of 5)

So then we come now to the last talk of mettā, the brahmavihāra. When this brahmavihāra becomes strong, when this mettā becomes strong, it's said to be immeasurable or without boundaries, limitless, spreading out in all directions.

So we find in the teachings of the Buddha that he held loving-kindness up as a very important way to live a person's life. It's a reference point, or it's a teacher for us to be kind or have goodwill in our speech, to have it in our actions to other people. If we have to have difficult words with someone, the Buddha said first make sure that you have goodwill in yourself. Prepare yourself for that, and have goodwill for the conversation. And if there's no goodwill, then that becomes your teacher. That becomes the material for mindfulness, to really see what's going on there. Chances are if there's no goodwill, that you're not really granting other people their freedom, giving them their freedom. I like to think that the liberation that Buddhism is about is less your liberation—that you become liberated—and more that you give liberation to all things. That all things now become free of you.

Cultivating goodwill is very helpful. It's healing, it's developing, it's a wonderful way to develop a non-striving approach to doing mindfulness practice through meditation, to develop concentration and mindfulness in a field of goodwill and have that as a background. As marvelous as goodwill is, as strong as it can come, it is also associated with the Buddhist path of liberation. In a variety of steps along the way, as the mettā practice deepens, liberation is part of it.

The first step emphasized by the Buddha was that when one's goodwill is strong, one is liberated from ill will. When goodwill is strong, there's no ill will, no hostility. The Buddha actually says it's not possible to have any ill will, aversion, or hostility if there is mettā. So to cultivate and develop mettā, to get a hang of it, understand it, and make it accessible, helps us to be free of ill will. This idea of making it accessible, being familiar with it, developing a habit, practicing it, developing and thinking about it, so that when you need it, it's available. You know how to find it in yourself or to evoke it in a genuine way, in a way that really has integrity to it, not something that is just a surface coating of ourselves.

Mettā as a Foundation for Liberation

If we do this as a meditation practice, as it deepens, then at some point a person eventually becomes liberated and freed from the hindrances^[1]. This is appreciated tremendously in the tradition—so much so that it's called a kind of preliminary liberation, to no longer be caught in the hindrances. It means that the mind is no longer under the sway of desires, aversions, sloth and torpor, restlessness, regrets, and doubt. To have the mind no longer under the power of those is a phenomenally wonderful way of being. It clears the heart, it clears the mind. Then loving-kindness has a clear field to develop. Now it can develop much more uninterruptedly. It can deepen and deepen, and as a meditation practice, it can become boundless, as I read yesterday, in all directions.

When the loving-kindness becomes quite strong, it becomes all-pervading and fills us. But this is not ultimate; this is not the end of the path in Buddhism. So it's important, if you want to do the Buddhist path to liberation, to not stop at experiences of boundless love. Some people have these wonderful feelings of love, goodwill, or kindness that have no object but seem to radiate in all directions. It just seems like everything is touched, like Midas's touch. Everything is touched with our goodwill, our love, our kindness. Sometimes in the tradition, it's called "wet love" and "moist love", and everything gets moistened by our goodwill and kindness. But to go further, this loving-kindness practice, when done well and strongly, can be a foundation for liberation itself.

Going Beyond Love

So, to not stop there but go further. There's a story in the ancient texts of a disciple of the Buddha, Sāriputta^[2], visiting a man who was dying. He taught him the practice of the brahmavihāras^[3]. The man was able to practice them quite deeply, and was able to die in this beautiful state of one of the brahmavihāras, goodwill or compassion. And when the Buddha heard about this, he told Sāriputta something like—to paraphrase—"Well, that was nice, but actually, why didn't you teach him liberation as well? Because that man was poised and ready to really set his mind free."

So it's possible to do loving-kindness and then go one step further and really do the ultimate act of kindness for oneself or for the world. And that is to really let go and be liberated in a very deep way. It's a letting go of every remnant, every trace, every foundation within us of the forces that lead to suffering. Letting go of clinging makes room for love, more love. The fundamental letting go, liberation, is letting go of clinging. Without clinging, then what is there? What's available? What sensitivity is there? What receptivity, what feelings and connection do we have to the world?

To use loving-kindness as a basis for liberation requires a variety of insights. One of the insights is when the mind is very, very still, abiding in love. Imagine that everything the mind feels, touches, and experiences is touched with love everywhere. It characterizes the mind as very stable. But then to have an insight that this also is conditioned. This also is constructed in a certain way. Not to make it the absolute—like, "this is the nature of the universe, this is the nature of the cosmos, that everything is love." It can feel that way, but in Buddhist meditation, we don't want to end there. We want to see, "Oh, this too in some deep way is a construct, is a movement of the mind, an activity of the mind to experience this." Seeing it as being a construct, seeing it as being impermanent, seeing it as being inconstant. Seeing that there is something beyond it, or between it, or underneath it, that has vast space where the deep letting go of clinging can happen.

In doing that, to have some sense that there is something more, as profound and ultimate as great love can be in deep meditation practice. Very stable. There comes an intuition, a sense that there is something else. There is freedom, and that freedom is not a thing; it's the absence of clinging. And to be there at this tremendously pleasant, enjoyable, safe, satisfying, healing place of love, and then to understand that, "Oh, there I can let go further." That whatever sense of self I have—"who's the one who loves?"—that's not quite the end of the path. There's something beyond that sense. If I just put that down and have no self-referencing. If I let go of that last little leaning into it and wanting it. There's something more beyond love. In a certain way, even love drops away completely. The goodwill, this boundless field, drops away in liberation.

This place of radical non-clinging is one of the safest, most wonderful, and peaceful places that a person can ever experience. It's the culmination of a wish to be free of suffering and to know that freedom. And to come back without clinging, then the goodwill we've been cultivating and developing can feel connected to others, can feel open to others, can have love for others, compassion, and goodwill. And there's no need, no desire, no clinging to need to get something back from someone else, to relate with other people for our safety, our security, our status, our admiration, our sense of worth, our sense of satisfaction, our pleasure. Then this beautiful thing, love, we can offer to the world. And the love is safe. People are free from us in our love.

This is a fantastic thing to be able to love, and the love itself carries with it the gift of freedom, where everyone becomes free of us. So it's a deep interconnection without any need. Then people can be as they are. If they become free, then, as I said earlier, one of the really wonderful things is when two free people meet in love, in goodwill, and kindness. Neither one needing something from the other, but each one being able to delight and enjoy each other and the goodwill between them.

Conclusion

So thank you. That's our week on mettā and loving-kindness. On Monday we'll begin with the next brahmavihāra, which is karuṇā^[4], compassion. I wish you all well. May you spend this weekend reflecting, thinking, talking about, and practicing with loving-kindness and goodwill wherever you go. Thank you.