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Happy Hour: The Happiness of Goodwill

Guided Meditation

Hello everyone, and welcome to Happy Hour. It's lovely to be with you in this moment in time, wherever you are in the world. I'm going to invite us to start practicing together, and I will reveal the theme as we are sitting and practicing together.

Let's just begin with settling in and arriving. Ah, arriving in this moment in time, in this body. Turning awareness to greet this moment. It's never been like this before. Greet this body. Greet the touch points, the contact points of the body with the earth, with the floor, the cushion, the chair, your hands on your lap. Feeling embodied.

Connecting with the breath. Connecting with the sensations of the breath and the body in this moment in time.

Letting go of anything else that comes up. Letting go of everything else that comes up. Taking refuge in the breath and the body in this moment. It's okay to say no. It's okay to say, "No, not now," but lovingly, kindly. "No, not now. Thank you. Thank you so much, the worries, fears, distractions. Thank you for trying to warn me, distract me, entertain me. Thank you, and not now."

And smilingly, wholeheartedly giving your heart the peace of this moment, the joy of this moment of just simply being and being breathed. "Not now, thank you, not now." Just this nourishment of awareness. Awareness intertwined with kindness. Awareness of ourselves intertwined with the breath. Greeting the breath with a smile. The out-breath with a smile. The in-breath with a smile. Like a good friend. With a smile.

If you wish, as you continue to feel embodied, feeling your feet on the earth, your bottom on the cushion or the chair, your hands on your lap, and breath in your abdomen and your whole body. Bring to mind someone who has been kind to you, recently or in the past. It could be a person, could be a pet. It doesn't have to be a huge act of kindness, but that is fine too. A simple act of kindness. It could also be a benefactor or someone who's been kind to you consistently. Whatever is easy. Whatever comes to mind, warms your heart, makes you feel safe. Maybe a smile shows up when you think of this being.

Bring them to your heart, to your mind's eye, as if they were with you. Feeling either with your eyes, or feeling into the felt sense of being with this person. What they look like, what they feel like. If you're new to this practice, choose someone who's alive so it doesn't get complicated with potential grief and sadness. But if you're experienced, it's okay. Bringing this person close, this being close to your heart. Just sitting with them in appreciation for their presence in your life. Just relishing this gladness, gratitude, happiness for your good fortune. The care, the love you feel for this being. Let it be happy-making.

If your mind goes into a story or a memory, come back. Go back and be with this dear being. Time is short. Remind yourself, this is so lovely and nourishing. Dear heart, dear mind, be here with this being. Have fun! This is not a grim duty; you get to be with one of your favorite people, favorite beings as a part of your practice, and nourish your heart with its goodness, with the kindness, gratitude, and happiness. Enjoy it. How delightful I get to sit and do this right now in my heart, in my mind, and hang out with this being. Thank you. Thank you for my practice.

Smiling helps. It really helps to connect with this practice and spending time with a dear being. Even if you don't feel like smiling, do it anyway. Wear the half-smile of the Buddha. If perchance any challenging perspectives or aspects of your relationship come up, it's okay. Have kindness towards yourself. Have kindness towards this dear being. You're doing your best; they're doing their best. Be kind.

And as you're hanging out in your heart, in your mind, with this dear being, if you like, you can add the phrases of mettā^[1], or just stay with the feeling, the images, with the felt sense. I'll repeat the phrases. You might have your own, which is fine. These are the more traditional phrases, but variations are fine. Keep connected to the image or the felt sense, bringing them close.

May you be safe, dear one. Or say their name. May you be safe, dear so-and-so.

May you be safe from inner and outer harm. Knowing that absolute safety is not guaranteed in the world, but we offer this as a wish, as a gift of kindness. May you be safe. I wish you safety, dear one.

Second phrase: May you be happy. I wish you happiness. May you have joy in your heart. Maybe imagine them happy.

Third phrase: May you be healthy, dear one, as much as possible. I wish you health. I wish you strength in your body. And maybe see them strong, healthy. Maybe walking, exercising, whatever works in your mind's eye. Have fun with it.

And the fourth phrase having to do with ease: May you have ease, dear one. May you take care of yourself happily. May your life unfold with ease.

May you be safe. Connecting with safety, connecting with the person, with the being. May you be healthy. May you have ease. Let yourself have fun sharing good wishes, goodwill for this being in your heart. Bring them close. Your mettā playtime with this being.

If you like, include yourself now. May both of us... Seeing both of you together. Sitting, walking, dancing, whatever it might be you and your easy person do or have done. May both of us be safe. Happy. See both of you happy. Perhaps in a tableau in your mind. Smiling. Fake it till you become it. May we both be happy. Wish us both happiness. May we both be healthy. Healthy and strong. See both of you healthy in some activity together. May we both have ease.

Again, we offer these wishes not with attachment to an outcome, but as a way to incline our hearts to goodwill, kindness, and generosity of spirit towards ourselves and towards others. So give these wishes generously, freely to both of you.

And maybe turning to yourself now, wishing well for yourself. May I be safe. Self-safety, happiness, health, and ease. Imagining yourself in these conditions of well-being. Have fun with it. Maybe drawing a tableau from a time that you were really happy, doing an activity you love, feeling a strong sense of ease. Feel it in your body. Invite the feeling into your heart, as if you could breathe it in right now. Getting taller with more ease, happiness, and well-being.

Spreading this light of goodness, happiness, and well-being, shining it outward. May all beings everywhere be safe. May all beings everywhere be happy. May they be healthy. May they have ease. Wishing your kindness generously. A wish of well-being for everyone, including myself. May all beings everywhere be truly well, know well-being. May all beings everywhere, including myself, be free.

Thanks, everyone. Thanks for your practice. I feel happier, calmer, and have a smile that doesn't want to leave my face after having done mettā practice for an easy person, a dear being, and then turning it to both of us, and then turning it to ourselves, and then sharing it with all beings everywhere. Ah, mettā is happy-making. Generosity. The simple act of generosity of the heart.

Small Group Sharing

So, we have time actually. Yes, we have time for breakout groups. That's right, we're going to turn with this sense of well-being, with a sense of goodwill for ourselves and one another, and we are going to practice in small groups.

The invitation always in the small groups is if you want to share something from your own practice, maybe an "aha" moment or a challenge, or anything at all. Or, "I was distracted the whole time and fell asleep"—that's okay too. You're welcome to share. You can also show up and share kindness and just say "pass" right now. I'm just going to be silent. If you're going to say something, maybe limit it to a minute or less so that other people have a chance to speak, and they'll come back to you. The groups are about seven minutes or so.

Be kind to yourself, be kind to each other. No questions, no interrogation of one another. Just share whatever you wish and bear witness to each other. Really, this is a sandbox to practice kindness in a small community and be inspired. I'm going to create the breakout rooms. Confidentiality is always important; whatever you say here, stays here, please. Let's go alphabetically by first name. The rooms are created, and I'm going to open them now. Here we go.

[Breakout groups occur]

Reflections and Q&A

Welcome back, everyone. I see many smiles, which is always nice to see coming back from the breakout groups. We have time for any reflections you'd like to share, for the benefit of yourself—and when I say yourself, in the way of being witnessed. Sometimes when we share an "aha" or a question, it supports us. And also for the benefit of the community, because if a question or an "aha" moment has come up for you, it can actually help others. You can type it in chat, either privately to me or to everyone, or you can raise your Zoom hand. Especially if you haven't shared in the community for a while, I would love to invite you to pull forward. I'd love to hear from you.

Yaman: Thank you for the practice. I felt very present and calm. I had a question for you. You mentioned attachment, and I was just thinking about how you can practice kindness and compassion and not be too attached.

Nikki: Yeah, exactly. I'll start with what I meant in the guided meditation when I was suggesting these wishes that we share: May you be well, may you be happy, may you be healthy, and may I be... you know, all these wishes. If I'm like, "Okay, I've been wishing you well, are you well yet?" Like you're calling your friend, "Okay, I've been sending you mettā, are you happy now?" It's like there's a sense of, "Oh, I have the power," or wishing myself well with, "I really want to be happy. I really am so unhappy, I want to be..." It's just like, ouch. It's not really a generous way of offering kindness.

It's offering kindness with conditions, or sometimes also with other strings attached^[2], like, "May you be well... if you're going to be nice to me." Wishing someone well is conditional kindness, right? So, doing it without attachment to outcome is just the generosity of heart. It's the sense of generosity of, "I wish you well. You might be suffering right now, I know that, and yet I wish you well." It's about my heart. It's not so much about the conditions of the world, and it's not that I want to control it. And if you wish yourself well with a really clinging grasping around it... it's a difference between expectation and aspiration. Expectation is when you say you are kind with an expectation of outcome, an expectation for return. Whereas with an aspiration, there's just a sense of uplift that you're sharing a generosity of spirit. Does that make sense?

Yaman: Yes, yes. Thank you.

Nikki: You're welcome. Thank you for the question, Yaman. Now I'm saying your name right! Thanks for that question. Great one. Anyone else? Any other questions or reflections? What came up for you?

My practice report is that I was having a great time. I was having a really fun time wishing well for my dear being, and for both of us, and it was just very joyous. It's nice to have fun with this practice. It can be very happy-making, hence "Happy Hour." Do you feel happier now than before you joined? Yes. Can I see it now? A nod or shake? Yes, yes. I see nods. I haven't seen any shakes yet, but then again, I only see very few of you.

Any other reflections you'd like to share before we close?

Neil: Sometimes I find it difficult to give mettā to people who I think are really well-off. I'm like, "Well, they don't need this." And I guess it seems silly to me because, of course, they do, right? And secondly, well, it's really more about me than them. That said, you know, this has been a consistent feeling. So what advice do you have for me?

Nikki: I love it! I love the question, I love the curveball, Neil. It's awesome because the curvy part of it is your own wisdom saying, "Yeah, I know they need it, and it's for the benefit of my heart," and yet... and yet. So let's explore that.

Let's explore the "they don't need it" part. Then the wisdom comes back and says, "Well, they really do." So can you share a little more about how that is? Maybe it's up in the head and not in the heart. Flesh that out for me a little bit, if it's okay to be on the spot for a moment with this exploration, because that's the crux of it. Go ahead.

Neil: Well, I have a friend who seems pretty happy pretty much all the time. Like, wishing him happy, right? I've been friends with him for decades. I'm not sure what would be different. Occasionally he's stressed. Then I understand, "May you not be stressed." But that's it.

Nikki: But that's it! Stress is dukkha^[3]. Everybody has dukkha, which is translated as stress. It's not just these huge sufferings and calamities; it's daily stress. Just the daily stress of the body aging, having aches and pains, having to take care of it. All of this is stress. You have to wake up in the morning, make sure you go to sleep—these are stresses of life that all of us have.

So you're sharing that he actually has some stressful times, and yet, really, this friend was always happy. Then it's clearly for your own heart! If you wish happiness for someone who's already happy, then it becomes muditā^[4] practice. Then it becomes a joy; you're happy that they're happy, and your happiness increases.

Neil: That's an interesting way to look at it.

Nikki: Basically, this is your perfect muditā practice person. What you're describing—when you wish happiness for a person who's already happy, it becomes happiness for their happiness. And then you're practicing vicarious joy, happiness for the happiness of others. And guess who gets really happy doing that practice? You, Neil!

Neil: Okay, okay. I'll give it a try. [Laughter]

Nikki: Perfect words! "I'll give it a try." That's it. That's the spirit. Yeah, we're all giving everything a try, right? We're just trying it out, like, "Oh yeah, that works well, that's interesting." Awesome. I'm so glad you brought this up, Neil. This was fun to explore together in real time. Thank you.

Well, my heart feels joyous having explored this practice with you. Thank you all. Thank you for your practice. Thank you for your cultivation. Thank you for supporting yourself, supporting each other, supporting others with your practice. May all beings be well. May all beings be free, including ourselves. Take care.