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Happy Hour: Kindness for This Body & Self

Okay, hi. Welcome to Happy Hour, everyone.

So for today's practice together, I thought we would do some simple mettā^[1] together, some exploration of simple mettā together, and see what arises. Let's see if there's anything I want to say to frame this. Maybe what I would say is mettā—loving-kindness, practicing kindness, acceptance, care—a rose by any name is just as sweet. There are so many different nuances, different ways for this quality of mettā, friendliness, warmth to be expressed.

And today what I'd like to do is actually to start with our bodies, to turn and share some spacious care for this body that is ours, that is ours and not ours. So yeah, I think that's where I would like to start today and see where we go.

Guided Meditation

Let's begin our formal practice of meditation together. I'd like to invite you to sit or lie down, or even stand comfortably, whatever is supportive and nourishing to your body in this moment in time. Maybe even moving a little bit before you become still; see what this body needs.

And then landing, arriving in your seat. Inviting your sit bones, your bottom on the cushion or the chair, to soften. To feel the sensations of contact.

Inviting your upper body, your neck, your shoulders, your head, your face to relax, to release their weight onto your sit bones. Inviting the chest to release its weight. The arms, the hands, to release their weight. Your abdomen to release. Releasing, releasing, releasing.

You might notice a sense of buzzing in your limbs, your body, where there is a sense of release, of tightening, of holding when it's released. Releasing your legs, upper legs, lower legs, your knees, your feet, releasing the weight onto the earth.

Let the breath, as it moves through the abdomen, help you release more. Not pushing, but just gently opening up your fist, as if the tightness in the body and the muscles were a tight fist. Opening, releasing, letting go.

And as thoughts arise, as they will inevitably arise, not a problem. See if we can open our hands and release. Nothing wrong with thinking per se, but as we take refuge together in this moment, for the sake of this practice, this training together, let us open our hands and not be entangled in this moment. Trusting if the thought is important enough, we'll come back later.

Releasing, releasing, releasing the tightness, tension in the body some more as an act of care towards this body, an act of love. Inviting the breath to be soothing, calming to the limbs of our body, moving wherever it needs to go. Wherever there is tightness or tension—your feet, tense abdomen, neck, shoulders, face, or our heart, our heart center where the emotions are. The proverbial heart center, seat of the emotions. Let the breath move through. It's an act of care, act of self-care.

Trusting that being here with the breath, with the body, with care, is more nourishing and healing than being entangled in thought. Sweeter, more nourishing right here, right here. Right here, close, very close.

If there are any areas of the body that are hurting, or tender, or tired, creaky, achy, let the breath move through them with even more care, tenderness, like a mother holding a child. See if this care towards the body, towards the heart, is the medicine that is just right in this moment.

And if the phrases of mettā are helpful for you, feel free to bring them in if you wish, or stay with the breath, just a sense of care. I'll offer a few phrases, feel free to use your own.

May I be safe from inner and outer harm.
May I be happy and joyous.
May I be healthy and strong.
May my life flow with ease.

May I be safe. May this being who is me, may I be safe. Fully knowing that complete safety is not possible in this world, and yet I offer this wish to myself. It's an act of care as a gift. May this being who is me be safe. The gift of goodwill, or simply, may I be safe.

May this being who is me be happy. May I be happy as much as possible.

May this being who is me be healthy as much as possible in body. May my body be strong. May I be healthy.

May I take care of myself happily with ease. May my life flow with ease.

You can repeat the phrases simply, or they could become words synchronized with the breath: safe, happy, healthy, ease. Or simply be silent. The sense of care for this body, for yourself. See what is needed for you right now.

You can play around with synchronizing these wishes with your breath, either the sentences or the words or just simply the breath. Breath soothing, blessing the heart, the body, the mind. Breath moving inside and outside, there is an internal and an external aspect of the breath. A gift. A gift in every moment.

Safe.
Happy.
Healthy.
Ease.

Or, may I be safe.
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I have ease.

See if the whole body can be included in these blessings, these gifts of kindness to yourself. From your toes, up to your head. If there is any tension anywhere, release, release, and receive the goodwill.

And let us expand the goodwill from ourselves, our bodies, this being who is me, and bring in someone who is dear to you, with whom we have an uncomplicated relationship. And include them too. May both of us, may both of us have safety, happiness, health, and ease. Bringing them to your mind's eye as vividly as possible, as if they are sitting with you. If it feels better to just direct it to them alone, that's okay too. May you be safe, happy, healthy. May these dear ones...

Expanding, opening the doors of the heart wide, letting whoever wants to step in into the space be welcome to step in. Whoever steps in, may all of us have ease, be well. Your heart can be relaxed, feeling boundless. Just keeping the frequency of goodwill and friendliness, whoever comes in contact, enters this heart space.

It can be quite joyous, actually. Perhaps with even random people coming in, across your mind, coming to your mind, becoming the object of your mettā, your goodwill. Wishing whoever comes to your mind, to your heart space well. Friends, family, maybe even random strangers you run into, as they show up in your heart space, wishing them well. They're human, just like me. Just like me.

And see how joyous this might feel. It might feel like a mettā party! Everybody's invited, whoever wants to show up. Maybe even a smile shows up in your heart and on your face. Expansive.

And in this mettā party, this expansiveness of the heart, make sure you're included, 360 degrees. May all of us, all of us have well-being and ease. Sharing goodwill, care, kindness with everyone. Everyone, no one left out.

As we bring this practice period to a close together, offering kindness to ourselves for whatever arose or did not arise during this meditation period. It's all okay, we've showed up, we've done our best. It's the best we can hope for, planting seeds. No attachment to outcome. And offering the goodness, the seeds of kindness we've planted, offering this goodness generously to all beings everywhere. May all beings everywhere, including ourselves, be safe, happy, healthy, and have ease. May all beings be free.

Reflections

Thank you for your practice, everyone.

So, I changed the settings. If you'd like to share reflections in chat, you can raise your Zoom hand, because if it's your physical hand I won't see you, there are too many of us to fit on one screen. And you can also type your reflection if you wish in chat, either to me privately or to everyone as a gift to others. Any aha moments, or questions, or challenges—it's all welcome.

As I invite your reflections, I'll share that as I was leading the meditation at the beginning, especially with inviting us to release, to release, to release any tightness, tension, holding in the body, and to allow the breath to be soothing, I realized that my body was quite tight. So it was quite lovely to have this release, just really settling, settling with the sense of mettā. So that's my nugget. There's more, but I'd love to hear from you if there's anything you'd like to share.

Barbara?

Barbara: Thank you for this meditation, Nikki. I've just gotten back from a trip and I'm going to be leaving in a few days on another one. So to really settle and be here was wonderful. And at first my thought went to, "Well, what am I going to do about meditating on my trip? Hmm, should I take my computer?" And then I thought, "No, I'm taking this trip to reconnect with my sisters that I haven't seen through the pandemic. And the most important thing is to show up, be there for them, and not have my mind thinking of how can I do everything. No, just show up."

Nikki: Oh, that touches my heart, Barbara. That is so sweet, such a wisdom answer that came on what do I do: "Oh, just show up. Just offer your presence." Beautiful. Oh, I'm loving that voice of wisdom. Thanks for sharing it with all of us, it's lovely. Yes, just show up.

Yeah, practice. Here, as your voice of wisdom has already brought forth, just practice mettā with them. With whatever challenges, whatever goodness. Maybe the mettā will become compassion if there is difficulty. Maybe it will become muditā^[2] if there is joy. Maybe it becomes gratitude or if it becomes equanimity. Yay! I'm happy for your practice in the next few days, Barbara. It's lovely.

Mary says, "I really appreciated all of it and may I care for this body with ease."

Yes, indeed. May I care for this body with ease. Yeah, it's interesting as Barbara was talking about having just come from a trip and going on a trip. As many of you might know, since I think I might have mentioned it, that I was on a trip myself and I was in New York attending a conference and just got back very late last night. And my body is creaky and achy and, you know, that's what happens after you sit on the airplane for a while. So yeah, just nice to bring mettā to the body, especially when it's not feeling its best. May I care for this body with ease, as Mary has put it beautifully.

So dear ones, since I don't see any other hands, reflections—we'll have time at the end for more reflections if any—let's turn to hold space for ourselves and each other in small groups. And it could be silent holding space. If you don't want to talk it's okay, if your turn comes you can say "pass" and just hold silent presence for each other, for yourself. And if you're moved to share anything about your practice, about what's coming up, you share one nugget from your personal experience and then the next person will share something, and then the next person, then they'll come to you. So instead of a long monologue, you just share one nugget.

And so if you have five thoughts to share, just share one, then the next person, and the next person. And again, from your own experience, not asking questions of others, managing their experience, not facilitating the group. Just each person is like a stone soup of mettā. Stone soup of mettā, bringing your own kindness and care and holding space, holding space. Especially if you're going to be spending time with relatives and family, this can be a great practice session to hold space with people who are freshly meditated.

So with that, I'm going to create the rooms. It will take me a moment. Here we go. Let's see, a little slow today. Okay, the rooms are created. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Here we go.

[Breakout rooms session]

Okay, welcome back, everyone. The rooms are closed. So we have a few minutes for any reflections. Excuse me, if there might be anything that has come up, especially from speaking together in groups, please don't be shy. You can—and if you raise your physical hand I may not see you, so please raise your Zoom hand, or you can type in chat any questions. It's a good time for questions also, if something was challenging or confusing or didn't know how to work with it.

I think I see your hand, Esther? Esther, I don't see too many people, but I just did happen to see it there.

Esther: Okay, I was looking for my Zoom hand. I got confused, I couldn't find it. Um, yeah, I had something challenging come up. There's so much chatter, you know, about violence and I don't need to describe it. But I noticed I have a lot of fear. Just carrying a lot of fear in my body. This is not new, but it seems like it's really heightened for me right now. So, you know, it was good just to take a beat, take a breath, and you know, try to be in my body.

Nikki: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I hear that in what you shared actually more as a comment than a question. What I'm hearing is that actually given what is going on and also, you know, what's going in the zeitgeist in this country, as well as also as you shared, a pattern that you know, fear has been coming up for you before, but you realized that today actually taking a beat and just calming, calming the body, calming the heart with mettā. Trying to remember the exact words you used but it was good, something you said it was just something good about taking a pause and resting from that.

Esther: Yeah, you know, that energy of being vigilant and, you know, worried. Just taking a pause.

Nikki: Yeah. And breathing. Beautiful, beautiful. Yeah, I hear that more as a reflection like, "Yes, this is what's going on and actually this was really nourishing."

So what I would invite you to consider is that as that agitated energy comes, because that agitated energy of fear is really uncomfortable. Because in some ways we cannot control—I mean we have some control over our environment but not completely, right? We know this, and yet we can control our hearts, we can control our body, we can control our minds not to live in fear. Because the fear of fear is worse than... well, anyway, that can be a much longer dharma talk which I don't want to go into!

But you know this, if you have been having a pattern of fear, you know that the future may or may not turn out what we fear it to be anyway. But living with that vigilance and fear is so destructive. And in fact, the Buddha supposedly gave the instructions to the monks to practice mettā originally because of fear, because they were living in a state of fear. And there's a story about it. It's seven o'clock, so I won't repeat it, maybe next time! But that is the antidote. Mettā is the antidote to fear, Esther. So perfect. Thank you. Thank you, thank you so much for your reflection. Yeah, that's beautiful.

So thank you all. Thank you so much for your practice, for your sincerity, for your care for yourselves, for each other. And may all of us everywhere keep cultivating our hearts with mettā, care for ourselves, for everyone everywhere. May all beings be free. May all beings be happy. Thank you.