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Happy Hour: Belonging to the Web of Generosity

Introduction

Hello and welcome to happy hour, everyone. Lovely to be with you and to practice together.

For today's practice, I wanted to bring into our practice space—internally and externally—something that's really important. Perhaps it is synonymous, in some ways, with mettā^[1], with loving-kindness. That idea, that concept, that way of being in the world is generosity. Generosity of spirit is, in some ways, synonymous with mettā, with loving-kindness, with care both for ourselves and for others.

I recently wrote an article on how important generosity is, which just came out in the Buddhadharma magazine, a Lion's Roar publication. It's online, so maybe later I'll send the pointer to that to Neil so that he can share it on the Google Groups so you can see that. But there are many reflections on the importance of generosity. One thing is that there is this list of what's called the ten perfections^[2] in Buddhism—ten beautiful qualities of the heart. Loving-kindness is one of them. There is equanimity, there is perseverance, there's patience... many beautiful qualities of the heart. And guess what is number one? Number one is generosity. The spirit of generosity.

When I bring up the word generosity, let us not limit ourselves to the idea, "Oh, I have to be generous, I have to give stuff to people." It's not about that at all. Really, that's a subcategory of generosity. Well, the "shoulding" is not part of generosity. If you feel like you should be generous, just don't. Be kind to yourself instead. But giving things to people is a sub-aspect of generosity.

Really, generosity of spirit is giving people the benefit of the doubt. It's giving them—or giving yourself—care. It's being generous with yourself, for example, when you're hurting, when you're having physical pain or emotional pain. That aspect of generosity is really synonymous with love, with mettā. Toward others, it's giving them your time, giving them your attention, or giving them the generosity of not giving them advice. Just giving them your presence, just listening with kindness—all of these are aspects of generosity.

Not only is it important interactively, but as I want to point out tonight in our guided meditation, generosity can serve as a container for us to relax into. It allows the mind to feel its own expansiveness, its own generosity, and relax with more cohesion, with more coherence—maybe more concentration is one word to use, but really to settle into the ease of, "It's okay, it's okay." Again, mettā and generosity are synonymous there.

Practically speaking, that's what I'd like to bring in tonight into our guided meditation: this exploration of generosity, or in Pali, the word is dāna^[3]. Giving to ourselves, to others, and sitting in this sense of graciousness, really.

That's all I want to say to set up the space. Let's just practice together.

Guided Meditation

Sitting, landing in your seat. I'm asking: what is most generous to you? What is a generous posture right now that is both supportive of your body, allows your spine to be as straight as possible, and yet allows a sense of ease? A sense of gracious largesse to your body. "Oh, dear body." This perspective of generosity to our body as we gather ourselves in the sitting or even lying position in this moment before we begin.

Letting go. Letting go is also an aspect of generosity. When you release, it's the same movement of the heart, the same movement of the mind. When you don't cling to something, you release it. You let it go with ease. Releasing thoughts, releasing tightness, tension, holding in the body and the mind. Same practice, same movement of the heart as generosity.

Feeling the generosity of the earth, of the seat, of this chair or cushion holding you, supporting your weight. Accepting the generosity and the gesture of releasing your weight completely. Releasing your weight completely to the chair, the cushion, to the earth.

Letting awareness connect with the breath. This generosity of the breath that fills the lungs, fills the body with oxygen, as if it's a gift being received from the universe. This breath, a gift every moment.

And every time you notice the mind is wandering, perhaps lost in thought, it's okay. Can you be generous to yourself? Generous to your mind? In this moment when you realize you've been lost, it's such an important moment to be generous. It's okay. It's okay, we can release. We can relate smilingly, as if we're returning a gift to the universe. "Thank you for this thought that has come up. I didn't choose it, it just came up. I'll release it back." Release it back into the mystery, right where it came from. No fuss, no judgment.

Releasing, releasing into gentle generosity for yourself. Trusting there is generosity—of course there is—in your heart and mind. And receiving the generosity with each breath. Each in-breath and each out-breath. Letting each breath perceived and received imbue the body, the heart, the mind with the goodness of generosity.

Again, every time you may find your mind wandering, can you be generous to yourself? This is what minds do, this is what's happening right now. Or maybe you're sleepy. Can you be generous and kind, yet bring in more energy? Maybe take deeper breaths. Maybe sit up a little more straight to support yourself.

I'd like to invite you to consider now that you're sitting in a container of generosity. This whole body is held in an interweaving, interconnected world supported by so much generosity. Yours and others offering our work, our heart, our efforts. All of us. Through the generous work of so many people who have come before us, their dedication because they cared so much. So many things in our lives are possible, are available. People who supported us, who reared us—family, friends, strangers.

Maybe someone comes to your mind who has been particularly generous in your life. To you, or maybe not to you specifically, but when you think of generosity, they come up as someone whom you relate to as an example. Someone who exemplifies generosity of spirit. Maybe giving the benefit of the doubt, or sharing their time, their attention, or maybe their affection generously. Letting your heart, your breath connect with this being in your mind's eye. With their goodness. Feeling nourished that they exist or they've existed. It could be someone you know personally or an archetypal person you've heard of. It could be Mother Teresa with her generosity of actions in the world. See who works for you.

As if with each breath you were feeling into and appreciating the goodness of this being's generosity, awakening yours.

Maybe you consider the gifts you have received from this being if you know them personally. The kindnesses you've received. The sense of gratitude which helps you feel the abundance of your own heart in giving to yourself and others. Feeling the receptivity, the receiving.

Notice if your body relaxes, if it melts a bit, when you consider the gifts you've received, the kindness that you're held in. No need for feeling undeserving or anything like that. You're a child of the universe. We are all deserving of kindness, generosity, and goodwill. Let your heart receive the memory of the kindnesses, the generosities that have been bestowed upon you.

And now, what if this person that you're imagining, this generous being in your life, whispered in your ear or whispered in your heart, and their gift of generosity, their gift of spaciousness of spirit, all of a sudden became yours? As if you're stepping into their shoes. Looking at your own life through the gaze of kindness, generosity. And also to others. How would you show up? How would you share your time, your affection, your presence, your resources, your benefit of the doubt with others, with yourself?

With each breath connecting to generosity, within and without. Receiving and giving through breath. Your gifts, your care. Time is short after all. We all have limited time on this earth to be generous to ourselves and others.

Maybe you've had teachers who've been generous to you. Feeling into sharing their generosity outward. Receiving, giving. A circle of generosity.

And if judgments arise internally or externally, can you be generous? See what happens when you meet the judgments with generosity instead of believing them. Generosity of spirit, largesse of spirit. Assuming the expansiveness, the spaciousness of your heart that you know is available. It has been available at times, and it can become available at will. Expanding, expanding through cultivation.

For the last moments of this practice period, reconnecting with the body, with the breath. Receiving the breath generously offered. The sensations of the body, the support that this body offers. The earth, the air, the mystery of being alive. Relishing the generosity of being alive. This precious human birth. With all its joys and sorrows, its mystery.

And offering generously, offering our goodness, our practice to all beings near and far. May all beings everywhere be safe. Especially those in war zones, may they be safe. May all beings be happy and healthy and have ease. May all beings feel abundance, have abundance, and also share whatever they have generously. May all beings, including ourselves, be free.

Thank you for your practice, everyone.

Reflections and Q&A

So we have some time, a few minutes. If you'd like to share questions, comments, reflections, aha moments, complaints—it's all welcome. You can raise your hand.

Janie, I see your hand.

Janie: Nikki, thank you. Today was your generosity dharma talk; today was my generosity experience day. On Sunday night, I had lost all of my sensory motor functions temporarily to Meniere's disease, and it had been a tough week dealing with that. Day by day until last night, I was back in contact but not happy and not in any way able to feel generous to myself or to anyone else. I went to bed thinking, "You know, I just don't have that touch of happiness in my life anymore."

And I awakened... for some reason I awakened fully back in touch with myself. There I was, my body functioning. Not only functioning, but happy! And I meditated, and I did as I am wont to do, go online. There met immediately a note thanking me for the generosity that I had given to my daughter. And then from the church where I had taken her as a child, where she wanted me to give the money from both of us from my generosity which I had given.

And then I told my closest mindfulness friend, Anna, who knew you through the retreat as I did, and she was generous in her acceptance of me. I couldn't believe that all that was happening to me today. And then I see a note on social media from a woman who had given me the experience of a lifetime, taking me underwater to be able to visit an octopus in his den at a safe distance where I didn't threaten the octopus. And there was a note from her saying she in Belize is beginning a new shelter for all the animals, it sounds like. And you gave me that. And then finally, I'm receiving your generosity again, Nikki. Thank you. Long story.

Nikki: Thank you for sharing. So many feelings of feeling cut off, with so much back again. And then feeling generosity received and generosity giving to the world. Beautiful to feel as a part of, because we really are. Every moment, even if we're cut off from it, even if we don't feel it, even if we feel there's nothing there—of course it's there. And your example, the story you shared, is beautiful to remind us we're part of this web of generosity, even if we forget at times. Thank you, Janie.

Lovely. Any other reflections on generosity? Any aha moments, problems, anything?

Catherine says, "I feel so grateful for Janie's generosity in sharing her story." Oh, that's sweet. Thank you both. Thank you all.

So let's turn... if there aren't any more reflections you want to share in either chat or in person, let's turn to small groups and just hold each other present.

Oh, there's one question that just came in: "I feel clinging to the person who is generous. How to be generous but not clinging?"

I'm a little unsure about the fullness of the question. I think there's more you mean here. If you wanted to raise your hand or if you wanted to type more, because there are two different things you're asking here: someone clinging to the person who's generous, and then someone like me who's generous, or another person. If you feel like unmuting and sharing, you're welcome, or you can just type.

Okay, since I'm not seeing anything come through yet, I'll just pause one more moment while I give the instructions for the breakout rooms.

For the breakout rooms, again, as always, please speak from your own experience only. Not managing or asking probing questions of others, just let them have their own experience. You have your own experience. What you're offering could be silence. You could be offering your presence, holding others, and you offer one brief reflective nugget. And then the next person will offer a nugget about their experience of this practice period we have. And the next person will go around. Tonight, whoever has the birthday closest to January 1st will speak first, just to mix it up a little bit and have fun with generosity. As if you were generosity itself. You're holding others with your generosity and others are holding you. See what it feels like to take the practice off the cushion into the small groups, into this interacting with others.

So I will create the rooms now. Take care of yourself, take care of others. Here you go.

Okay, welcome back everyone. The rooms are closed and we have just about a couple minutes. Any reflections, what came up in the groups? You can raise your hand, you can type in chat. Or if you have any questions from before, you can still follow up. I still have that one question I didn't answer because I can't quite decode it. So any reflections?

Neil.

Neil: So we talked in the group about how generosity seemed to just make more generosity, right? Someone else mentioned it, I know I felt it too. I felt more generous to the world, and by the end I was like, "Oh gosh, so many people have been so generous to me." And that certainly wasn't how I went into this meditation. So it was just sort of interesting, the way it was like a skillful, benevolent positive cycle.

Nikki: Yeah. Beautiful, skillful, benevolent positive cycle. I love it. Another phrase that just came up, which is not as elegant as what you said, is the snowball effect. You start to realize, "Oh wow, yeah, this is bigger than I realized," and in a beautiful way. So lovely. Thanks for sharing that, Neil. That's just lovely. Especially as you said, not coming in this evening with that intention but realizing, "Wow, so many people have been so generous to me." What a beautiful feeling for us to take into the weekend together, or into the day, or month, and year, and lives. So many people have been so generous to us, and it opens our heart to generosity, to give back, to share our gifts with them. That's certainly how I feel.

Oh, I see the clarification came through. Let's see: "I meant when there is a sense of lack, I tend to be clinging."

Oh yes, of course. When there is a sense of lack. So what I suggest there is to actually notice how much you have, how much you have received, and how much you really have. A sense of gratitude really supports generosity, and I make that point in the article I wrote. So I'll ask Neil generously to send that to you on the Google Group.

Thank you all. Thank you for your generosity in showing up and supporting yourself, supporting others. May all beings be happy, may all beings be free. Thanks everyone.