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Guided Meditation: Clear Recognition of Desire

So welcome to our meditation.

One of the key components of mindfulness meditation is our ability to clearly recognize what is happening in the present moment, and to recognize it in its simplicity. Partly that means to recognize it as a present-moment phenomenon, maybe without a past or a future. Of course, it has that, maybe, but the simplicity of just this experience, without the thoughts, the ideas, the associations we have with past and future imaginations. A simple recognition that is independent of our preferences. Of course, we have preferences, but we also have the capacity to know independent of them, to know clearly, independent of our desires and our aversions, our plans, our hopes, even independent of our usual sense of self that we operate under or construct or associate with our agency and our doing.

And that's maybe the most difficult part of clear knowing, is to just allow the most natural, simple inner capacity to know to occur, to be, to arise, without a lot of ideas or baggage around "I'm the one who's doing it" or "I have to do it well" or "I'm not doing it well enough"—just a simple knowing.

So this week we're looking at compulsive desire, compelling desire, and the desire that we get caught in. That can happen in the ordinariness of thinking, that we start thinking about something, and it doesn't take much to realize that some trains of thought, there's desire that is propelling them. Some of them have aversions, some of them have other things, but this week we're looking at desire. There is probably much more often desire propelling thoughts than most people acknowledge. Sometimes there are strong feelings in the body, even emotions that have underneath them some desire that's part of it. Maybe in the corners of it, underneath it, maybe in the center of it somehow, a desire is part of it.

If those desires are compelling or compulsive, or we get caught in those desires, then there's no freedom. The medicine is to clearly recognize, clearly know. So if you know that you're caught in desire, the medicine is in that knowing. It might not be there automatically, but rather than looking for a solution in the compulsive desires, it's in the knowing that there's a kind of solution, a kind of freedom to be found. This stepping back and clearly knowing, "Oh, this is desire, this is being caught in desire," in that stepping back there is freedom.

It's like you were caught in quicksand on the edge of a lake, and all you have to do is take one little step, just maybe a few inches away, and stand on dry ground. You can look back then on the quicksand and realize, "Oh, I'm no longer in it." So to step back or to open up clear recognition—"Oh, this is compulsive desire, this is being caught in desire"—and then to look for where that freedom is, where that spaciousness is, where the openness is, where the not-caughtness is. That's where something sacred is happening. That's where the sacred ground is, in that clear knowing that is free of so many things that usually get attached to how we relate to things.

If you're able to find that clear recognition of desire, then welcome into that clear knowing, into that space, that sacred ground. Welcome into it your breathing as an alternative to being caught up in your desires. The breathing is very closely related to this sacred ground, this ancestral territory that we can live in, that we lose when we get involved in compulsive desire.

So don't worry about having compulsive desire or being caught in it. It's the stepping stone for clear recognition. It's the means, it's the support for clear recognition. Instead of trying to fight it or push it away or feel bad about having it, say, "Okay, hi my friend. You are the stepping stone for this clear recognition, this little moment of simplicity, of freedom." It helps to do this if you take each moment for itself. Some people say that every day is a good day. Every moment can be a good moment if there's a clear recognition, the simplicity of the moment.

So assuming a meditation posture, and closing your eyes, and before doing anything else, can there be a clear recognition of here and now, how you are? Clear recognition of how you are, and then experiment with making subtle adjustments so that you're not caught up in how you are, or reactive to how you are, for or against how you are, just knowing this is how it is.

Maybe it's through opening up wider than how you are, in a sense of knowing it. Maybe it's stepping back in the mind so you can gaze upon how you are with some freedom or independence. Maybe it's knowing how you are from a quiet place within, a calm place.

And then welcoming in your breathing. Welcome breathing into your knowing, into your awareness. Especially the inhale, receive the inhale, and as you exhale, allow for the exhale.

As you exhale for a few exhales, allow your body to relax, to soften. Adjusting your arms maybe, if that allows your arms to be more at ease. And as you exhale, to relax in the mind. To calm or soften the thinking mind. Rather than letting go of your thoughts, let your thinking slow down. No hurry, lots of time. Or perhaps as you exhale, to let go of your thoughts as well, so that the clear knowing of the exhale is wordless. The clear experiencing of the inhale is wordless, or mostly wordless.

And then as you meditate here, if you notice that you get caught up in desire, even subtle desires, try not to make it a problem. Instead, see it as a stepping stone for the sacred ground of clear knowing. The clear awareness of the desire that is not caught in the desire. Desire might be caught in itself, but the clear knowing is not.

[Silence]

What right now can you clearly recognize that you're enabling or going along with without knowing? Stepping back, opening up wider to clearly recognize what hasn't been recognized, in the simplicity of knowing. And then allowing the breathing to return to the fullness of that knowing.

[Silence]

And then as we come to the end of the sitting, imagine that you're sitting in an easy chair, maybe in a very open room with open doors, maybe outdoors in a lounge chair. And people come to visit, and you stay relaxed. Settle back in your chair welcoming them, receiving them without needing to get up, without needing to do much, just allowing them into the space. Allowing them to take a chair as well. Welcoming them.

So in the same way, as we come to the end of the sitting, can you be relaxed, open, nothing you have to do but to be welcoming? But open your awareness now, your mind, to the people that you'll encounter today. Whether strangers on the street or in stores, or the people that you'll see on the computer, in the news, the people you might think about today.

Welcome them into your easy, relaxed space. Welcome them into a space where you offer safety. You offer warmth and kindness, a peacefulness. You offer them a chair where they can sit also. Welcome them into a space in your heart where they also can be at rest, and not demand anything of you or require anything of you.

And in this imaginary exercise of receiving people into your sacred ground, wish them well. Or feel how the welcome itself is a well-wishing.

And may it be on this day that, coming out of our meditation and through the day, that in our hearts, in our minds, and maybe in our actions, that there's a welcoming of people, a well-wishing of people. Looking upon people with kind and compassionate eyes. May those people we meet today be happy, safe, peaceful, and free. And may we contribute to that possibility. That at least in our presence they're safe, we offer peace, and they're free from us—from our desires and our compulsions and our aversions. May all beings be happy.

Dharmette: Greed (3 of 5) Mindfulness of Complusion

So we continue these morning talks on greed. It's maybe a little bit interesting that in the West there's this thing called the seven deadly sins, and greed is one of them. In Buddhism, I don't think we really look upon anything as being a sin, but rather we look upon it as being damaging, being harmful. Some things are harmful and some things are not, and things that are harming we want to stop doing. It's a very different attitude. There isn't that kind of condemnation that might be there with the idea of sin, but rather there's a kind of compassion, care, and understanding that there is an alternative to harming.

When we're caught in desire—which is kind of defined as greed—what it means is that even beneficial desires, desires for something good and healthy, if we're caught in that desire, that caughtness is harmful. That caughtness is not healthy. That's an important distinction, because some people might have a kind of greed or be caught up in wanting something to happen very strongly. It might be the kind of thing that should happen, they should have it, but is it necessary to be caught in it? Does it improve the situation? Are we more likely to get it if we're caught in it, or tight or constricted around the desire? Are we somehow harming ourselves, both in the moment, but also in creating a disposition, a habit of constriction, of tightness, of forcefulness in the desires that we have?

One of the wonderful things to discover is how to have healthy desires and have a quality of freedom, have a quality of ease or peacefulness or simplicity with them. We might discover that we can act on these desires so much better and more effectively when we have this peacefulness with them, this lack of compulsion. And also, if we have the lack of compulsion, then we have the opportunity to discover the freedom and the benefits of the sacred ground, of this openness, this ease, this peace that, oddly enough, can often give us a sense that we don't need to fulfill our desires, or all our desires. Even if it's a healthy desire, we know something better, and then not to sacrifice that better thing.

So one of the things that can be better is this clear recognition. Not a forceful recognition, not a complicated recognition of things, not something that's excessively verbal, like we're pounding our thoughts out like, "Desire, desire" in some strong way. But this soft, open, quiet, almost natural bubbling up of knowing, of clear recognition of what's happening. In that clear recognition, in that knowing, there's the treasure. Knowing we have compulsive desire is not in and of itself the treasure, but within it is found a treasure.

To turn the attention away from the desire, the object of the desire, and recognize—like turning the attention around 180 degrees^[1]—to be aware of the qualities, the characteristics of this clear knowing, clear recognition. Is there some way of clearly knowing where it feels really good? It feels like "this is my home, my ancestral land." This is the place of ease. Not to dismiss the world, not to reject it in any kind of way, but to find this place from which to live in the world, to know the world. It takes a while to learn this, and for some people it's perplexing maybe what I'm saying, that there's a treasure in the knowing. So it takes a while to experiment, look around, experiment with different ways of knowing or being aware until the awareness feels really nice, to be aware and be present and awake.

This idea of the core and central way of practicing insight meditation is to turn the attention away from the object of desire to what it's like to be desiring. When we have this clear enough knowing and mindfulness, then we can use that to feel the experience of desiring. Sometimes only by doing that do we begin to disengage ourselves from the compulsion.

One of the things to feel in the feeling of desiring is what it feels like in the body to be desiring. What it feels like in the body to be greedy or compulsive. Sometimes there's a leaning forward, or a jumping up, or a tension that's uplifting, like, "I really want this!" There's a tightening sometimes around it, and to really feel the physical qualities. Maybe the jaw gets set, or the eyes get set on the object: "We want this for sure." There's a constriction or tightness in the mind, sometimes in the belly. There's like a strong urge to have and to want. Sometimes it's almost like, when there's a strong desire, it's almost like we've been possessed, like everything just wants.

There are certain times when I get really famished, hungry, that it seems almost like there's this whole embodied, physiological, primal kind of desire, like, "I better get food." It can be very compelling. It's fascinating to practice with that. It's just so interesting to discover these powerful forces within us, to sit in them and discover freedom in them. Or discover that this clear recognition can always be there to provide us a home of freedom that allows us more clarity to think wisely about what we're doing, to not act compulsively in ways that are harmful to ourselves or others.

To feel the physiology of compulsive desire, one of the interesting ways of doing this is to distinguish between a desire that has no compulsion and a desire that does. What does that compulsion feel like? What's that extra thing? Over time, become a connoisseur of the physiological qualities and characteristics of compulsion. Now, it isn't so we can be compulsive better, but rather, the more familiar we are with the physical manifestations and expressions of compulsive desire, the easier it is to become free. The easier it is to discover this clear awareness that knows it, rather than having that compulsive desire infuse us with its authority.

Sometimes desires come with a lot of authority, like "This has to happen now, and this is important." There might be authority based on fear if I don't get it. There might be authority based on, "Then everything will be okay and I'll be successful." It might be the authority of pleasure, like "I really need to have some pleasure in order to feel somehow fulfilled or satisfied." What is that authority that comes with compulsion? As we drop into the body and feel the physicality of desire, it's easier to disengage from the sense of authority that can come with desire, the way it's commanding us.

As we drop into the body and feel the physicality of desire, then we also may become aware of the emotionality of desire. What emotions come into play when we have desire? Is it fear? Is it aversion? Actually, sometimes with desires we want something to get away from something else. Is it anticipation? Are we living in fantasies with a kind of promise of eternal happiness? Is there a delight in the desire we have, and somehow we're caught in the delight of it, the promise of that happiness it might provide? What is the emotional tone and feeling of what's happening? Is a desire mostly an attempt to get away from something uncomfortable, or is a desire mostly an attempt to get to something that we think is wonderful? To notice that clearly—what's motivating it emotionally and motivationally—is another step towards disentangling ourselves from it, another step towards having this clear recognition of what's happening. And in that clear recognition, finding the freedom, finding the ease.

It's also possible that as we settle in and relax and open to the desire, we become aware a little bit of the thought train. What are the beliefs that are operating? There can be beliefs that "This is how I'll be safe," "This is how I'll be happy in my life if I have this pleasure or if this desire is fulfilled." It might be that "Then people will like me." There are all kinds of beliefs that come into play, and we don't have to go analyzing that deeply, but as we settle down and get quieted in meditation especially, it's kind of like we're looking out of a window and a stream of different inner events begins to become clearer and clearer.

At first, it might be that we simply see we're caught in desire. Then we start seeing the physicality of it. And then what comes through the window of awareness is we start seeing the emotionality that's connected to it, or the motivational quality of it. And then also we might start seeing, when we get quieter and quieter, the stream of thoughts related to it. We might see that we're actually caught in a belief, we're caught in a dream of hope, of expectation, of fantasy, and we can feel the way we lean into and hold on to that fantasy or that dream. That's part of the desire as well.

Each step along the way—the physical desire itself, how it feels in the body, how it feels emotionally, what's going on in the mind—we practice simple, clear awareness. For some of us, it means making very simple mental notes: "tightness," "anticipation," "fantasy," to help us have that clear recognition.

And then when the desire is no longer compulsive, we can come back to the breathing. Or if the clear recognition has become strong enough, the compulsion might be there still, but we're not really involved in it anymore. Then it can be useful sometimes to simply welcome back in the healthy experience of breathing, and let the healthiness of breathing fill the awareness, so there's in a sense no room for the compulsion anymore. The compulsion is not being fed by our involvement with it, and it has a chance to just settle down.

So for this next day, you might try, when you find even the most subtle compulsive desire—like you really need to have something now—and you find maybe even if a situation is appropriate, just close your eyes, sit down, and really explore and track inside what is going on. Turn the attention 180 degrees around from the object of desire to what's happening within you as you're desiring.

Thank you, and I look forward to continuing this series tomorrow.