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Happy Hour: Trust in Our Goodness / Metta for Self

Introduction

So, formally, hello and welcome to Happy Hour. To all those who are joining on Zoom in this moment in time, whatever the time zone, hello. Hello to the folks from YouTube, as well as those joining us later on AudioDharma. Many folks join later on AudioDharma, so we have a larger sangha^[1] now. Every now and then, I receive notes and emails from folks who join us asynchronously later in time. Nevertheless, their heart is with us, and we are with them, so we all practice together as one large sangha, one large Happy Hour sangha.

For today's session, I'd like to invite us to explore a simple mettā^[2] practice for ourselves. Just simple mettā; it's very simple kindness, loving-kindness, care, and warmth for this person who is me, ever so simply.

In the teachings, in the concentric circles of how mettā (loving-kindness) is developed traditionally, the first concentric circle is ourselves. We start with ourselves. In the West, sometimes because folks have trouble starting with themselves, we start with a dear being, and then we turn to ourselves just to prime the pump of the heart. And yet, the Buddha has taught that if you search the entire world, you wouldn't find anyone worthier of your own kindness, your own mettā, your own love. We are as worthy—not more, not less—just as worthy as anyone else for care, love, and kindness.

So, I thought for tonight we would just go back to the basics. The basics are delicious, very, very nourishing, to just hold ourselves in care and kindness. I don't want to say much more to frame it; I'll just guide us in a meditation.

As always, we start by settling in the body with the breath for a few minutes to get grounded and to settle. Then, I will make some invitations for practices, and feel free to follow them or not. Adapt them as they work for you in this moment in time, giving yourself a lot of permission to care for yourself, for this being who is you—this body, this mind, this heart, this being with all the causes and conditions of suffering and joy.

So, with that, let's practice together.

Guided Meditation

I'd like to invite you to make yourself comfortable. If you need to shift or move, or if you need to lie down—as long as you're not going to fall asleep, that's a perfectly fine posture, too. Or to stand up if you're super sleepy. I will give the instructions for sitting, but see what your body needs in this moment.

Arriving, landing in this body in this moment. Hello, dear body. Greeting this body. Mindfulness of the body is important, the basic foundation of our practice. Always starting with the body. Feeling our feet on the earth. Feeling our sit bones on the earth, or the cushion, or the chair in lieu of the earth. Feeling the sit bones releasing onto the earth. Really connecting the weight, the weight of the upper body dropping into the chair.

Turning our gaze inward. The mind might still have a lot of repeats from earlier today—thoughts, activities. It's okay. There is nothing wrong with thinking per se. And in this moment, we choose, we intentionally bring our mind, invite our mind to give up, to give away, to relinquish. Not because it's bad, but because there's something better here. Stillness is so much better. Stillness is so much more delicious internally.

So we turn away from thoughts and entanglements. "Come back, thank you, we'll come back, but for now we'll turn." And we'll turn again. We may need to turn a hundred times. Turn away, give up, relinquish thoughts and entanglements, and turn. Let awareness turn internally, and let awareness connect with the breath in the abdomen. As we give away the thoughts and entanglements, awareness needs something to connect to, to attend to. Let it be the breath as the anchor. Breath in the body. Nourishing, calming, soothing.

Trusting that the simplicity of this moment is more delicious, the stillness more calming and healing than figuring anything out in this moment. When the mind is still, the heart is full. Things will be figured out on their own with a different mind. Einstein says we can't solve our problems with the same mind that created them. So bow to that mind: "Thank you, not now." Let there be a turning towards a calm, quiet, still mind here. Just this breath. Just this breath here. Just this breath.

How can this moment be nourishing for this body, for this heart? As if you're talking to yourself as a beloved other, beloved child, sweetheart: "How can I take care of you in this moment? How can I be with you, present with you, give you my full attention?" No words or thoughts needed, just to be.

And now, if you wish, I'd like to invite you to imagine as if you were the wise, kind parent of yourself, seeing a younger version of yourself. Perhaps not younger, maybe the same age. In the same way parents—mothers, fathers, coaches—see a potential, they see the goodness, they see a bright light often in younger people or in others that they don't see or appreciate in themselves. Knowing and trusting there is this bright light about you, and maybe it's hard for you to see it in yourself. Let yourself be seen by a compassionate being in your mind's eye. They see your brightness, they see your potential, they see your goodness.

When I say potential here, in this case, it is the beauty of your intentions. Your intentions for cultivation, for kindness, for wisdom, for not causing harm in the world, for ethical conduct. That you try. You try. They see in you what's bigger than you, what's not diminished or diminishable by your suffering, by your challenges. Even when there are times you feel small or lost in pain, none of that affects it at all. They see you. Or, if it works, the wise part of you sees yourself. However this being seen works for you.

There is so much potential for goodness. For good, kind thoughts, words, and actions. So much potential in each and every one of us. So much potential. The future is not written yet. So much potential for goodness, for acts of service, love, kindness. Not self-centeredness.

May this person who is me, may I appreciate my inner goodness. My inner potential for beautiful acts, thoughts, deeds of kindness, love, care, and generosity. May I see myself for who I really am. And if words come, "Oh no, you're not deserving, you're not worth it," you don't have to believe the thoughts, the judgmental thoughts. Just say, "Thank you very much for your opinion, please come back later." You don't have to believe them; they're just thoughts. Just thoughts. No need to give power to them. Not getting in your own way.

May I, may this person who is me, may I be safe from inner and outer harm. The harm I cause myself, the inner harm, and the outer harm, which I may not be able to control. So knowing this wish for safety is a wish, an expression of kindness from myself. It's not clinging to the outcome, just expressing kindness, goodwill towards myself with this wish, without attachment to outcome. May I be safe from inner and outer harm. Lingering with this.

A second wish of mettā: May I be happy. May I be truly happy and joyful. I wish myself joy. This being who is me, I wish this being joy. Again, not clinging to the outcome. It's just an expression, it's a gift we give to ourselves, this wish. When you give a gift, you don't expect something in return in pure generosity. This is pure generosity of the heart. May I be well, may I be happy. And I have joy giving this gift.

The third wish of mettā: May I be healthy. May I have health and strength in my body. And if not fully healthy right now, may I be as healthy as possible, as available. It's the wish I have for this being who is me, a sense of goodwill and care.

And the last, fourth wish of mettā: May I have ease, or may my life unfold with ease, or may I take care of myself happily. Connecting with yourself with the phrases as they're useful. Whatever version works for you, just staying with this being who is you. Let it be nourishing, this mettā for yourself, or this person who is me. Calming, soothing, loving at the end of a long week.

May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I have ease.

See your own goodness. As we see someone's goodness, it helps them flourish. It's true. It's true for all beings. Can you see your own goodness, your own potential, to help you flourish, to be nourished? Can we just love ourselves? This being who's me, may they be well. I know their story, so many challenges. May they be well. May I be well.

May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May my life unfold with ease.

Using any visualization that works for you. Holding yourself, a younger version of yourself. Wrapping yourself in the blanket of love, of care. Radiating love, mettā, through your body. If there's pain, feel free to be creative.

And for the last minutes of this practice period, whatever arose or did not arise, it's okay. Let there be ease, a lack of judgment for yourself. You showed up, you tried, so that's all that matters. We're planting seeds; we don't know when they're going to sprout. Non-attachment to outcome.

May our practice be a cause, a condition, a support for the awakening and freedom of all beings everywhere, including ourselves. May all beings be free. May all beings be happy.

Thanks everyone. Thank you for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

So we have a few minutes. Any reflections, any 'aha' moments, any questions that might have come up from this simple practice of mettā for ourselves? And the difference that at the beginning we started with seeing our own goodness, seeing our own potential. That's really important because we often see, perhaps, other people's potential, children's potential. And then with adults or with ourselves, we just see faults. We just see problems. We just see what we do wrong. We have so much potential for goodness, for kindness. To see that actually brings it out.

You may want to reflect on the experience you've had clearly seeing somebody else, clearly seeing their goodness, their potential, and how that being seen has helped them flourish. Maybe you've mentored a younger person at some point in your life. Can you be that younger person, you, a mentor? So reflections, questions, complaints, it's all welcome.

Someone says in a private message, "Lovely, thanks." You are welcome. Thank you for your practice. And you're welcome to raise your hand, especially if you haven't spoken for a while, or you can type in the chat either privately or publicly. Sarah, please.

Sarah: Hi there. Thank you, first of all. Can you hear me? I actually wanted to comment on the practice from Wednesday because I was very, very surprised at how often in the past two days the question "How can I give service?" has come up in daily life. During the meditation and the framing portion, I was like, "Oh gosh, I'm never going to remember this and I'm going to get down on myself for never remembering to ask myself that." And I was seriously surprised how many times it just floated to the surface. It was like it kneaded my heart like kneading dough. It softened it for the past couple of days, and it's been really important for me. So I just wanted to thank you and give a reflection on that practice.

Nikki: Thank you so much, Sarah. Thank you so much for sharing that reflection on the practice we did on Wednesday. For those who may not have been here, you can go back and listen to it, but really the question was: "How can I be of benefit? How can I be of service to myself and to others?" Thank you so much, Sarah, for sharing this reflection. This is so beautiful that, again, the mind was like, "You know, you're not going to remember this," and then, wow, it just came up and kneaded your heart. What a beautiful metaphor: kneaded your heart, and was supportive and nourishing. Thank you. It kneads my heart in gladness and happiness for you and your practice and being of service, Sarah. Thank you so much, so lovely, beautiful.

Nancy says, "Mettā for self is keeping the well full so you can continue service to others." Exactly, beautiful.

Someone asks, "Will this talk be available later tonight?" Yes, it will be, soon after we're done.

One of you says, "Did you have ears in my small group Wednesday? I was saying I longed for a simple mettā class maybe once a week. I felt content during the meditation and found a smile on my lips, and have it still." So sweet. Yes, I have ears! [Laughter] I'm so glad that this spoke to you and was supportive for you, and I hope for many others. This is lovely, yeah. Simple mettā is good.

Charles, I saw your hand appear and disappear. Was that intentional? You're welcome to unmute if you wish.

Charles: Oh, no, that was a mistake, sorry.

Nikki: It's alright, it's always nice to hear your voice anyway. Thank you for being here and practicing as a regular member of the sangha. Any other reflections before we turn to practicing together in small breakout groups? Any other reflections, questions, complaints? Anything is welcome for the benefit of everyone.

Small Groups

Okay, the space is quiet, so I take that as a sign that maybe we're ready for turning into small groups. As I make the small groups, I'd like to remind us the ways that we practice in the small group. The purpose is to bring our practice into a sandbox. Not just from our eyes being closed and we're on our own, but to actually interact in this same spirit, same space of loving-kindness with others. And not get out of it like, "Okay, my meditation is ended, now I can be mean to everyone." Okay, I'm joking, and of course, I made a caricature out of it. But can we relate to other human beings from that space of kindness and care? Can I be of service? Can I be kind? Can I see their light? The theme tonight: can I see their light, their goodness? Can they see mine? Or inviting myself to be seen—not shying away, not boasting, but just being as you are.

The invitation is that you speak from your own experience alone. You don't comment, reflect, ask probing questions, or manage the group. You simply say from your own experience what this practice was like for you. And if you want to be quiet and hold space, you can say "pass" and hold kind, generous space for others. That's okay. If you have five nuggets, five things, just say one. Then the next person will say one, and the next person will say one, and it'll come back to you and you'll just go around. It's like stone soup; each person contributes something to this space of kindness relating to others, and it may be nourishing for you.

Lastly, whoever's birthday is closest to January 1st—not the year, just the date—will start speaking first, and then the second and third. You get to interact a little bit in the space of mettā that way, just holding each other in mettā. I think that's really where the rubber meets the road. And you speak for your own benefit, really, not to educate or to impress anyone. So the rooms are created. I'm about to open them. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Here we go.

Post-Group Reflections

Okay, the rooms are closed. Everyone's back. So we have a few minutes. Any reflections, questions, or comments? Especially any reflections that might have come up, any 'aha' moments from being in the room interacting with others? What might be of benefit? Anything, feel free to share. Sheila, there you are.

Sheila: Hi everyone, good evening Nikki. I just wanted to lift up one of our sangha members' use of the word faith as a reminder. It was a really sweet reminder: faith in ourselves, faith in our practice. So I just wanted to acknowledge that.

Nikki: Beautiful. Thank you, Sheila. Yes, beautiful. Such a powerful word and a way to be, a sense of faith. Another word that we often use in this tradition is trust. Faith in the same meaning of the sense of trust that yes, there is goodness here. There is goodness. A sense of trust, confidence. Confidence, faith, trust, confidence—whatever version of that works. For some people, the word faith really lands. We use that, please. For some people, trust works. For some people, confidence. Whatever works, yes. And beautiful to be reminded of that by fellow travelers, fellow sangha members. Yeah, beautiful. Sweet, sweet.

So, dear sangha, my heart is buoyed, lifted. And I have full trust, and faith, and confidence in every single one of you. Every single one of you, in your capacity, in your goodness, in your cultivation. So thank you all for your practice. For showing up, for supporting each other, supporting yourself, and doing this work for all beings everywhere. May all beings be free. May all beings be happy, including ourselves.

Thank you all.