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Happy Hour: Equanimity as a Bird's Eye View

Introduction

Welcome everyone, welcome and happy New Year! Welcome to 2021. Let's welcome ourselves to a new year.

For the theme for today's practice, I'd like to offer the practice of equanimity. Last time, Kim, one of our regulars, asked a question about equanimity—whether the practice of equanimity as a formal practice actually feels like something physically. Whether there's a distinct feeling about the practice of equanimity that could be felt the same way that, say, one practices mettā^[1], where a sense of warmth or care can be felt. So, does equanimity have a flavor? Does it have a feel to it that's recognizable in the body and the mind?

My answer was yes, absolutely, Kim. Why don't we do a few sessions of equanimity so that we explore it together? Maybe we don't practice enough equanimity, because it is one of the Brahma-vihāras^[2], one of the four practices in Theravada Buddhism especially. Together with cultivating loving-kindness, cultivating compassion, and cultivating vicarious joy (happiness for somebody else's happiness), the fourth one is equanimity. Equanimity is in the same family, and it's practiced as a formal practice, not just as a state of mind. Equanimity shows up in a lot of different places in Buddhism, in different lists. I can talk more about that next time, maybe. But for today, equanimity really is a practice that is related to the other three practices that I just mentioned. It both supports them and extends them.

I want to say a couple of things before we start practicing. The word for equanimity in Pali is upekkhā^[3]. The word in Pali has a sense of a bird's-eye view, having a larger view on what's happening. A sense of perspective. And just as I say that, what happens if you invite a sense of perspective on your life? On what's happening in this very moment, or maybe what happened today? Just having this sense of spaciousness, of a bird's-eye view, instead of being stuck in this moment like, Oh, it's like this, I don't feel good, my body's achy, I didn't accomplish what I wanted to accomplish today, or whatever might be going on. Or maybe something happened that you're upset about. What if you bring a bird's-eye view and see what happens in your body as you land, as you invite yourself to land with this?

The guided meditation I will do will explore this bird's-eye view and this practice of equanimity from this perspective. There are so many different ways to practice it, and today we'll try this on for size. How about it? Shall we? Let's try it and see what happens. Be a scientist of your own mind and heart.

Guided Meditation

With that, I'd like to invite you to get comfortable. Land in your body and see what your body needs. Maybe it needs to lie down, maybe it needs to sit up straight. I realize I'm a little chilly, so I'm going to cover myself with my shawl. This is a time for self-care for the body in this moment, and in Happy Hour, this is very important. We take self-care seriously; it's an expression of mettā for yourself.

See what your body needs. Greeting your body. Hello, body. Hi, how are you?

And landing. Landing.

Feeling your feet, feeling your legs connected to the earth. Your sit bones connected to the cushion, the stand-in for earth. The earth. Feeling the contact points and letting go, relaxing into your base. Into your base.

Letting your shoulders and neck relax. Moving down any holding, heaviness down to your base. Letting it land, the heaviness into your sit bones.

Inviting your hands, your arms to feel heavy. Feel the contact points between your hands, between your hands and your lap, or your hands and each other. Becoming embodied.

Letting your forehead be soft, as if it's unfolded the wrinkles. They're smooth. Your cheeks from the inside, relaxing. Your chin, the muscles behind your ears, your jaw. The eyes resting in their sockets.

Whole body letting go. Letting go deeply. Letting go of any tension, any holding, any tightness. As if you open your hands and you let it drop. Just let it drop and feel the release.

Maybe more space opens up for the breath in the abdomen. Receiving the breath in the abdomen joyously. As if each breath received is a melodious song that enlivens your heart, makes your heart happy. It relaxes your body, soothes your mind. Listening to this breath, this song, with your whole body. Receiving it. This joyous, calming, happy-making song of the breath.

We'll stay with receiving the breath for a few minutes to settle.

If you notice thoughts are arising, it's okay. Just notice them in a friendly way, and invite them to settle and land with you, next to you. Settling, settling like the flurry, like the bright little pieces in a snow globe. Dropping, settling down.

Continuing to stay connected to the feeling of the body. Feeling the sensations of the breath as the song of the breath is received. Letting the awareness rest with the body. Not with the head that can be flighty and airy and spin a lot, but with the body. Settled, grounded.

Now I would like to invite you, if you wish, as you continue to stay connected to this felt sensation of the body receiving the breath, taking a bird's-eye view in time and space in your own life. Still connected to your body, but as if you travel upward, seeing the whole arc of your life and this moment. Feeling this moment in it. What this moment feels like in your body, in your heart, your emotions, in your mind. The landscape of the mind.

Seeing the arc of your whole life, this moment a part of it. Get a bird's-eye, wider perspective. Wider view. Letting your awareness be expansive. Letting there be more ease. Seeing this whole arc, whether this moment is easeful or challenging. Not the worst moment, not the best moment has arisen. It too will pass, like many other moments. A sense of continuity.

And maybe, if you wish, bringing to mind something in your day that when you think about right now, still maybe there's some contraction or challenge. Not the biggest, don't choose number one, but something just a little challenging. And see that if you take a limited perspective of just this moment defines everything, being lost in it, being defined by this, the feeling in your body and mind is very different. Now, seeing this moment, this challenge, from a much bigger perspective of the past, present, and future. So you're seeing the whole arc. Yes, yes, maybe it feels much smaller now. Doesn't get you sucked in or lost in it. This perspective may cut it down to size.

And now also inviting a sense of perspective from common humanity. If this challenge was related to others, a much bigger perspective of so many human beings. So many causes and conditions. And if it feels supportive for you, I'd like to offer from this perspective some phrases of equanimity, which, similar to phrases of mettā, are to be dropped in, to be silently repeated to yourself.

May I accept, or may I be at peace, at ease with the comings and goings of things.

May I accept, may I be at peace or at ease with the comings and goings of things.

Knowing that everything arises, everything passes, there can be ease. There can be a perspective of ease with the comings and goings of things. Not taking them personally. So many causes and conditions. So many events, so many humans: past, present, future. So many causes and conditions out of our control.

May I be at peace, may I have ease with the comings and goings of things.

Seeing that you have your part to play, but it's not all up to you. It's not all under our control.

May I have peace, may I be at ease, may I accept the comings and goings of things.

Breathing in and out as you drop in the reflection.

May I have ease and peace, may I accept the comings and goings of things.

It's not all under my control.

May I accept, may I be at ease and peace with the comings and goings of things.

Repeating whatever version of this phrase works for you. Connecting with it repeatedly and seeing what shows up, what gets released, what settles in your heart, in your mind.

May my heart be at peace and have ease with the comings and goings of things I cannot control. May my heart be at peace, accept the comings and goings of things.

Repeating the phrase to yourself like an anchor of the mind. Like an anchor bringing yourself back as thoughts and stories arise.

In my heart, may I be at peace, have ease, accept the comings and goings of things.

And as we come to the end of this sitting, inviting the sit to be held with equanimity also. Whatever arose or did not arise, whether the mind was sleepy, filled with thoughts, agitated... holding with equanimity. May I accept, may I have peace and ease with the comings and goings of things. May I have peace with this coming and going. Not judge it, not hate it, but hold it with a sense of spaciousness and peace and ease.

May our practice of cultivating equanimity support peace and freedom for ourselves and all beings everywhere. Thank you everyone for your practice.

Reflections on Equanimity

So, a couple more words about equanimity. The idea of this practice, the idea of equanimity, upekkhā, this bird's-eye view, is one of having a spacious view and neither grabbing, pushing, nor pulling. Neither pulling something towards you like, want it, want it, want it, nor pushing it away, hate it, hate it. But having a sense of comings and goings, having a sense of spaciousness as things come and go.

Equanimity is not aloofness. It's not like, Whatever, it's going to just come, it's going to go. That's not the idea here either. It is said that that is the masquerader. A sense of aloofness or detachment in that way, or kind of not caring like whatever, is a near enemy^[4] in the language of the Buddha. It masquerades as equanimity, but it's not really equanimity.

Equanimity is part of the Brahma-vihāras, and if you notice the other Brahma-vihāras—loving-kindness, compassion, vicarious joy—they're warmhearted. There's a sense of care about them. Equanimity too has a sense of care. I'll bring this aspect more into the future sessions as we explore the different parts, but just to say that as we hold witness, and even with the phrase that I brought in tonight (May I accept the comings and goings of things, may I have peace and ease with it), there's a sense of holding witness, being with it. It's not a sense of, Oh, I'm just going to check out and not be present to this. No, there is a sense of presence. I will hold witness, and may I have ease as I hold it, as I have a sense of presence with this.

There's a lot more to say, but the idea is to just have little pieces of Dharma with Happy Hours.

Q&A and Reflections

I'd like to invite you to share your reflections or questions. If you haven't spoken here before or you usually hold back, please, you're invited to share your reflections and questions first. You can raise your blue hand—if it's your physical hand, I likely won't see you because of the setup that I have to have, but you can also type in chat. I'd love to hear from you. What came up for you? What did you notice? Was there a sense of release and ease of holding something that maybe proved more challenging earlier today? Was there a sense of spaciousness, of a bird's-eye view to see something from a different perspective? What did you discover?

As I've said before, there's no such thing as awkward silence when we're practicing. It's just silence.

A question came for me from Jean: "What does equanimity to sleepiness look like?"

That's a really good question. Sleepiness is one of the five hindrances^[5] in this practice. There are many ways to work with sleepiness that actually are a little more appropriate. For example, you can become curious about it. What is happening? What's happening in the mind? What's happening in the body? And yet, if you tried all of those things—if you tried to stand up, if you tried to breathe more deeply to wake up—and it still didn't work, and you spent the meditation in sleepiness, equanimity afterwards would be not to beat yourself up. To say, Okay, may I accept that my mind and body were tired, and may I accept the comings and goings of things. So at that point, equanimity is a useful practice to bring in for sleepiness, but not during it. During it, I suggest working with the other tools for sleepiness.

Kim says, "I got a space of lightness as if my body was made of a fine copper mesh. It was helpful to bring it to my heart." Oh, lovely, Kim. Thank you for sharing that, especially because you were wondering whether there could be different sensations or feelings about this. So it seems like there's a taste or something that has opened up for you, so I'm delighted to hear that.

Vicki asks, "Does equanimity sometimes mean giving up?"

That's a really good question. Yes and no. For example, let's say there is someone that you really care about, and you really want to help them, and it brings up a lot of stress and agony for you because they're being destructive, destroying themselves, and there's just so much pain. So you practice equanimity, and you give up the banging your head against the wall. You give up the unskillful trying, but you don't give up the wisdom. You don't give up the compassion of continuing to care. So when you ask, "Does it sometimes mean giving up?", giving up of what? It is giving up of what is not helpful, like I really want this to be different or the push, but it's not giving up compassion or caring or wisdom. I see you nodding, yeah, thank you.

Denise says, "In holding it with a bird's eye view, I discovered a sense of personal not-okayness behind the urges to live a different life, live somewhere else, find purpose." Ah, thanks for sharing that insight.

Forest says, "I found it to bring in a beautiful feeling of spaciousness. I also found it insightful to turn around the question and ask, What's not at ease with the comings and goings of things?" I appreciate that, Forest. I like the turning around.

Alana, I see your hand is up. I'm going to ask you to unmute, and it has to be brief because I've lost track of time. We're going to go into groups in a moment. What's up?

Alana: "Could you speak to the difference between equanimity in a moment-to-moment way compared to a state of equanimity or a more holistic way? Does that make sense?"

Absolutely makes sense. I'll say something very quick and can expand on this next time too. In the same way that when we practice mindfulness, there is a momentary becoming aware of the body, mind, and heart, moment to moment. And then it starts to grow, we start to become more present in our life. We're walking down the street and interacting with others, and there's a more sustained sense of presence. Similarly with the practice of equanimity, as we practice in the moment-to-moment in this formal way, it starts to permeate through our life.

Oh, I realize there were two Alanas! The Alana who had raised her hand is different from the Alana who asked me in chat, "I don't know how to raise my hand." Oh my god, this has never happened, this is great! So, Alana, let's pause, let's go into our small groups, and when we come back, please, I'd love to hear from you.

Let's practice in small groups. Please don't jump out if you don't have to leave. If you don't have a commitment, stay for them. The small groups are really nourishing in this way of connecting and sharing with others and learning from their wisdom and sharing your wisdom. The prompt simply is: what came up for you? Just sharing or even holding silence. I'm going to open the groups now. It's going to be a little shorter tonight, sorry I lost track of time. Here we go.

[Small group break]

All right, rooms are closed, everyone is back. Welcome, everyone. We have time maybe for one comment, and Alana, if you still want to share, please do.

Alana: "Thank you. That was so wild that we both at the same moment wanted to speak! I guess my question is about physical sensation and equanimity. With physical sensation, how that's done. And then also, if there's pain, at what point, or how severe is a sensation before you maybe act on it instead of being equanimous? Or is acting on it not equanimous?"

Excellent question. In terms of physical pain, a couple of things I'm hearing in what you're saying. When you sit for a while, you're going to have physical pain. I'm trusting that's the kind of pain you're talking about. There's also chronic pain; many of us have chronic pain.

In terms of pain that comes up when you sit, you can take it as a training. For times that there are pains that there's nothing you can do about, it becomes a mind training. If it's an itch, it's not going to bother you, or if your leg has fallen asleep, it's going to be okay. You trust that it'll be uncomfortable, it'll be painful. But if there are pains that, let's say you've had knee surgery and now your knee is hurting again, or something that just doesn't feel right, then by all means move.

I remember for me, my own training at the beginning, I would just shift and move at every single lack of comfort that I had. And then I got this invitation, instructions from a teacher, to just kind of stay with it and be open to it and curious. Not to muscle myself through it, but kind of open up to it with curiosity: Can I be with this? Can I extend my capacity for being with this too, in an open way?

That's what I recommend to you in way of working with pain. Again, if it feels dangerous, if it's your knee or somewhere else, yeah, please move. But if it's another pain that's like, Yeah, I know you, then play with it.

I'm glad we could fit your question in. It's 7:02, so I'd like to close. I'm trying to close a little more on time these days as it was getting more and more extended. I'd like to thank you all for showing up, for practicing, for both your own sake and the sake of all beings whose lives you touch and connect to. We don't do this practice just for ourselves. May all beings be happy, may all beings be free. Thanks, everyone.