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Happy Hour: Empathetic Joy for All Beings

Hello and a very warm formal welcome to Happy Hour! It is lovely to see you all. For our practice theme today, we've been practicing the past week with the third of what's called the Brahmaviharas^[1], the practices of the heart, the heavenly abodes. The third one is empathetic joy, sometimes translated as sympathetic joy. This translation of the word muditā^[2] in Pali is about cultivating our heart and generosity of happiness for other people's happiness—to feel happy for other people's happiness.

It can be just a lovely practice of feeling happy for the good fortune of others or ourselves. It's a very happy-making, joyous practice. As many of you have noted, it can be difficult and challenging at times too. We acknowledge that in different ways it can be challenging, as this is a purification practice and challenges come up that we didn't know were there. We work with them.

We have made our way working through the categories little by little. Through these concentric circles that we practice within the Brahmaviharas—with loving-kindness, compassion, and vicarious or sympathetic joy—from where it's easy, we extend, extend, extend to include more and more beings. We extend our heart, and we have made our way to this category of all beings everywhere, feeling happy for the happiness of all beings everywhere.

I'll say a couple of words before we get started with the meditation. In many ways, we've been working up to this in the past few days. Even if tonight is your first time, no problem, no worries; all you need to know will be shared with you.

The invitation in the meditation gently, little by little, is to feel that all beings have some good fortune. We all have challenges, and we also have something we're grateful for, something we're happy about. Can we celebrate other beings' happiness and good fortune? Whether it's another human being who's happy for whatever gift they have, or another being—it could be a pet dog or a cat who is well loved and well taken care of, or some bird who's got a yummy meal and is celebrating. Can we be happy for other beings' good fortune and happiness?

If the mind turns to, "Well, not everything is okay in the world and they're going extinct"—yes, that is absolutely true, and we'll save that for compassion practice. We'll turn our mind to that with kindness when we're doing compassion practice. Here, we choose to turn our hearts to the goodness, to the good fortune, very well knowing that there are plenty of challenges in the world. Right now, we choose to turn our minds to the goodness and cultivate our heart in the gladness and goodness of others. We know that there is a time and place for different practices, and this is an intentional practice that we cultivate and choose to do.

If you find your mind going other places, you can very gently, lovingly bring it back: "Okay sweetie, it's all right, let's stay here." If it becomes too challenging and too conflictual, just turn to it with kindness. Just hold yourself or hold whatever is coming up with kindness, warmth, and compassion. That's okay too; no problem. Those are the invitations, and I'll guide us piece by piece.

Guided Meditation

Let's get into meditation posture. Sit taller if you need to. Relax and soften into your body. If you need to shift posture or lie down, that's okay too. See what your body needs.

Just landing, just arriving. Feel the breath and the sensations of the body. It's a moment that is fresh and new. It has never been here and will never be repeated. Relaxing into this moment of being alive. This moment of being breathed.

Intimately, as if you were folding onto yourself, giving yourself a hug, comforting yourself with the soft blanket of kindness. "Now, now, sweetie, now, now, let's just sit." Comfort and care of this heart, this moment, and be breathed.

If your thoughts arise and you find your mind is a monkey mind in this moment, it's okay. It's all right. "Hello, dear monkey, hi, good to see you." Invite the monkey to come and settle in your lap as you breathe, body relaxed. As if you're holding and caressing this monkey mind. "It's okay, you can rest. It's safe here, it's okay," and relax.

Settling and arriving with each breath in the body. Inviting your gaze to be turned inward. Observing, witnessing the breath and the body from the inside. Just arriving, settling, tilling the soil for now.

Feeling your feet on the ground, your legs, your sit bones. Your hands touching each other in your lap. Feeling your body breathing and connected to the earth.

Now let us bring to mind something about your life in this very moment, as you're sitting, breathing, being breathed, that is a blessing for you. It's a source of happiness. It could be just as simple as how nice it is to sit after a busy day quietly, silently, just be breathed, and meditate with fellow practitioners. Just simply feeling into the goodness of that. How nice to have this opportunity. Feeling this goodness, this happiness, this gladness, whatever it is.

Let your heart celebrate. Let your heart take delight, expand, shine, relishing this goodness.

Now, if you like, consider another blessing. Letting your heart celebrate and relish this blessing in your life, this goodness. See if the celebration for this blessing, this gift, this goodness and good fortune in your life automatically feels like gratitude. Celebration and happiness for our own good fortune expressed as gratitude. Relishing, celebrating.

If you find your mind going to a place of fear of not having this blessing in the future, it's okay. Bring the mind back to the present, just this moment right now. Stay right here. Intend to stay in the present. Intend to let go of the future. We have a lot of power with our intention to turn the mind, our attention, our will. Stay right here. Relishing, celebrating. This is all we know right now.

Now I'd like to invite you to imagine you are a little fairy traveling, flying with little wings around the earth. Going to some humans, maybe around where you live, and seeing these beings. These humans have blessings too, which they feel grateful for and that make them happy. You can imagine maybe there's a mother who's holding her young child, just happy in the embrace. Feeling happy for their happiness. Or a young child who is well cared for and happily playing, giggling. Happy for their happiness.

In your mind, you can imagine beings with different blessings. Let your heart celebrate their happiness as if they were your own. Maybe you imagine someone who's been looking for work and now just got some work. Yay, they're happy, celebrating with their good fortune. And in your heart, you celebrate with them: "I'm happy for your happiness as if it were my own."

These humans are just like you. They have complexity in their life just like you do. Their life is dear to them. They want to be happy, joyous, and to celebrate goodness.

Knowing each being has some blessing, turning your heart, your mind intently to goodness. Just as everyone has challenges, everyone has blessings. Choose to turn your mind to the goodness in this world, in people's lives, celebrating with them.

Now expanding this circle to include all beings. All human beings. All animals. Two-legged, four-legged, flying, swimming. All beings born and yet to be born. Seen and unseen.

If opening up to all beings is too vast, let yourself connect with particular beings or particular categories. Maybe all beings yet to be born who have the blessing of happily gestating in this moment. The blessing to have a life to be born. For all beings in the sea. For all human beings, short or tall, medium, small, large.

May your good fortune, may your blessing continue. May it increase. May it never end. Knowing there is impermanence, of course, and yet turning our heart to the generosity of goodwill. Wishing them well. Wishing them continued happiness and continued blessing. Or simply reciting: "I'm happy for your happiness. May your goodness continue. May you continue to be happy and blessed in this way."

Feeling in your own heart and body this sense of generosity of heart, happiness for others' happiness. Knowing that you are included in this category of all beings. Happy for your own happiness, for all happiness and all good fortune in the world, no matter who it belongs to. Happy for happiness without boundaries: mine, yours, theirs. Celebrating goodness, good fortune, and happiness of any being anywhere.

Exploring your own way in your own time, using your own creativity for what works for you to discover in this practice.

May the good fortune of all beings, all beings everywhere, continue. May it increase. May it never end. I take joy, I take delight. I'm happy for all beings everywhere who have any goodness, good fortune, and happiness, as if it were my own. Radical generosity of heart. If it gets too vague, you're welcome to connect with individual beings.

In the last moment, touching into your own good fortune of practice, connection, and community, whatever it might be showing up in this moment. Taking delight in being right here, right now. The goodness that is present here. And gladness for whatever goodness showed up during this period of practice, and also for challenges. Gladness for those too, that open your heart, open your mind, and open you up to the possibility of growth.

Reflections and Q&A

Thank you all for your practice. Let's take a few minutes for reflections and questions. What came up for you? You're welcome to type in the chat—either privately to me, in which case I won't say your name, or publicly to everyone, in which case I'll say your name. Or you can raise your Zoom hand to share your reflections, your questions, your comments, your complaints. What worked, what didn't? What did you discover? How was this practice for you?

It's all okay. This can be a challenging practice that can bring up various emotions to work with, and it can also be happy-making and exuberant. It's just a lovely practice; you won't be able to stop smiling at some point just doing this practice. It can be very joyous. So, if you'd like to share your reflections, your wisdom, and yourself with the sangha^[3], here is the invitation.

Violet says, "I often struggle with being emotionally porous. Like if I speak to someone who's sad or anxious, I feel their sadness or anxiety as if it's my own. So your instruction to feel someone else's happiness as if it were your own seems like a slippery slope to me. Is the point to be selective about it?"

Violet, I'm going to ask you to unmute yourself if you would. I want to ask you a little more detail about what you mean.

Violet: Hi. So, one example of this: one time I was meditating, feeling good, and I heard someone outside my door anxious because they spilled something. I got this hit of anxiety in my chest and in my throat. Like, I'm not anxious, I don't care about this thing that they spilled, but now it's in me and it's mine even though it's not.

Nikki: Yeah, that's a great question. This practice does make you more resonant with other people, and that's a beautiful thing about it. And there is a way to work with it so that it's not overwhelming, which is where you're leading into. "Wow, if I resonate with everybody's anxiety, then I'll be a nervous wreck every day!" The beauty is that you become more sensitive. So feeling somebody's cry or anxiety, you're sensing it, instead of your heart being closed or having a wall up like, "You can't touch my heart, it's not going to resonate." It is beautiful for our heart to be sensitive, and that's the first part of it.

The second part is, how do we work with that? Resonating with joy is lovely. When it's sadness, that's when we bring in all the other practices. We bring the stability of equanimity as a bedrock, and the physicality of the body can support it. As I keep talking about grounding in your body—settled in your body—that can support a sense of equanimity to hold what's coming up. Then turning kindness to it. If it's a challenge or suffering, then it becomes compassion, holding it with kindness and stability so that this resonance and sensitivity doesn't topple you over. You can stay resonant to your own suffering and to other people's suffering with care and with compassion. That is how all of these practices are connecting together. Does that make sense, Violet?

Violet: So it's like you're simultaneously building increased sensitivity with increased groundedness or strength?

Nikki: Exactly. As we talked about when we were working with compassion last week, there's a sense of stability and strength in compassion. It's not weak; there's a sense of empowerment in compassion. We're building all of those together. It's a more alive way of being in the world: sensitive, stable, and empowered. Thank you for that question; it resonated with many.

Susan: Thanks everybody, and Nikki, thank you. And Violet, wow, that was really helpful. I appreciate this topic being raised. I've been working with this for a while, and I'm so happy to know the term "toppled" because that's what happens, and I've been aware of how I can get toppled. Sadness can topple me, but lately I've been tripping on how, with muditā, I've been aware that due to my trauma I'm sometimes leaned too far forward. It'll blow my nervous system out, like I get so excited like a little kid about something going on that I'm really aware, "Oh dear, I've gone too far." It's just really nice to have people who understand this process, because it's a little bit weird. Thanks.

Nikki: Thank you, Susan. I am so glad that you articulated that as clearly as you did just now. Some previous times, people were asking about what's called the near enemy^[4] of muditā, which I said is exuberance, and people say, "Well, what does that feel like?" You described it beautifully. That is the near enemy of muditā—when it's toppled, it's just too much, it's too exuberant. It's not stable, it's not grounded. When it loses its stability, it becomes the near enemy. It's not the far enemy, which is envy (the opposite), but the near enemy masquerades as the real thing. But it's not the real thing because it doesn't have the stability of equanimity to hold it. Thanks for that description, Susan.

Alright, dear ones. The invitation for our practice together in community can be so joyous. If it's your edge to practice in community, and you have to go, perfectly okay. But if it's your edge to practice in small groups, I really invite you to stretch it tonight. The invitation is, at first, in the small groups for 30 seconds, let's have silent muditā for each other's joys. Just silently looking at the other two people in the group with you and feeling joy for their joy, and joy for your joy. Then as you unmute and start to speak, let's go one round where each of you shares something that you're grateful for—some blessing in your life—so that other people can feel happy for you and you can feel happy for them. Practice muditā in action, in real time. See what it's like. You've been doing it silently in your heart, and now do it in real time. See what it feels like when you actually feel happy for somebody else's happiness and how profound that is. Then you can share whatever you like about your practice. I will create the breakout rooms.

(Breakout rooms session)

Welcome back everyone. We have a couple of minutes for any questions or comments. I just saw something typed by Arya about: "When I feel good with the lot of others, I feel sad for people who are poor, sick, and sad. Is there any way to balance this?"

I think that what comes up, as I was inviting you, is intentionally turning to the goodness. If it becomes overwhelming, then practice compassion for the challenge and difficulty that you feel for others. Also, working with the intention of choosing to do this practice right now, and you can practice compassion there. That would be what I would invite you to do.

Lena: Thanks Nikki, as usual it was fantastic. I'm so grateful that one of the gentlemen shared his very personal grief, and I'm so happy that there are friends and family to take care of him. We're all so happy that we are in this group where we can share our personal stories and support each other. My question to you is, Nikki, is there any way if people want to share their emails and numbers, is it possible to do that? So that if somebody really wants to reach out to someone, we can do that?

Nikki: That's the Google Group that Neal shared at the beginning. You can join that and then reach out to people individually through there. Make connections through the Google Group. The answers to your questions are all in the Google Group. Thank you, Lena.

We have come to the end of another Happy Hour practice together. Ira asks for the Google Group address, and Neal, if you would kindly share it, that would be lovely. Maybe some people who were late hadn't joined it. Great, thank you Neal. So there it is, that's the link for the IMC Happy Hour Google Group.

Thank you all for your practice. For doing this practice not just for your own sake, not just for your own heart and awakening, but for all of those whose lives yours touches. May all beings be happy. May all beings be well, including ourselves. Thank you.