This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

Happy Hour: Patience Paves the Path

Hello and welcome to Happy Hour, everyone. It's lovely to see you and be with you. For today, this fresh new day—whatever day it is, whatever time zone—the topic I'd like to invite us to engage with is patience: patience for ourselves and patience for others. Patience is such a beautiful quality of the heart and mind.

In praise of patience. Such a useful parami^[1]. Parami is the name of what are called the "ten perfections" in Buddhism. There are ten beautiful qualities of the heart, and patience, khanti^[2], is one of them.

Let's look at patience as an expression of metta^[3], as an expression of kindness for ourselves. Let's consider this mind, this body. We take it to be ours. We take it so personally, especially when maybe it doesn't feel well, or it's sluggish, or it forgets something, or it gets agitated, upset, or angry. What if we treated this being as we would treat an elderly, beloved parent? Just saying, "It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay. It's all right. I'll have patience with you." Instead of being short-tempered with ourselves—like, "Ah, you forgot this again," or "Gosh, you lost it," or whatever it might be. Or, "You're sleeping again. Oh my goodness, you're distracted again." Fill your favorite habitual pattern in there, the one that you lose your patience with. What if we had patience?

You might wonder, "Wait a minute, if I have too much patience with myself, then I'll never improve. I'll always be distracted, sleepy, forgetful, and angry." Not exactly. The idea of patience is not acquiescence. It's not to accept and resign ourselves. That's not the idea here. It's actually like a very wise aikido move. In aikido—for those who may not be familiar with this martial art—the idea is you use the energy of the opponent and redirect it in a very skillful way. You don't oppose it; you redirect the energy.

The idea of the redirection here is with the pattern that is troublesome. For one thing, it may not even be our fault anyway, if it's with the body or the mind, or we're not feeling well and we feel betrayed by the body. And then with the other patterns, with anger and loss of temper, having patience with ourselves actually means that that moment of acceptance is like shifting the energy. "Okay, you're here. I see that you're here. I accept that you're here. Instead of fighting you, now that you're here, how can I work with you?" In that moment, wisdom can come in: "How can I work with you?"

I've named a range of different patterns in the mind and in the body. Some of them might just be realizing the body is tired, sleepy, angry, or having a hard time, and saying, "Okay, rest. Patience, patience." With some of the other patterns, maybe another skillful means is helpful, but the key is taking our time with heartfulness.

There's more I can say, but I think that's enough. Let's just practice together and see what arises in our reflections, in our hearts, in our minds, and in our bodies in the areas that we can have just a little more patience for ourselves, and of course, patience for others. So, let's practice.

Guided Meditation

Land in our seats. Let's arrive. Calling forth the power of patience in this moment.

Can we have patience as this body settles and relaxes, lets go? Or maybe it doesn't let go just yet. Maybe it's too agitated to let go right now. Can we be patient with that, with whatever the conditions are?

Whatever is arising in this moment in this body and this mind, in the space of the emotions, can we have patience with it as we gently invite the body to settle? It's just an invitation. It's not meant to be forceful like a hammer; it's just an invitation.

Can a quality of patience inhabit the body, especially the lower part of the body? A sense of stability, groundedness, receiving the breath. Can patience be intertwined with awareness right now to receive the breath? All the time in the world for just this breath. As if this in-breath is the most important, awaited breath in the world. To take its time. Not waiting for the next in-breath, just this one. Just this out-breath. Deliciously enjoying with patience whatever is arising in this moment.

Receiving this breath. Just the sensation of the breath in the body. Not going after the past or into the future. Resting, resting. A moment of refuge.

Spending another few minutes just settling with the breath, with patience.

And if there is a lack of patience right now with anything—a sense of irritability, a lack of patience—can you be patient with that? Can you be patient with the lack of patience, or the judgmental mind, or whatever is coming up that is challenging? See how that might feel like an aikido move, to be patient with a lack of patience. Does your heart relax a little bit more? Is there more ease?

I'd like to invite you to a little experiment. Staying grounded with the body, feeling the breath, bring to your heart, bring to your body memory—not to get too heady, but bring the memory into the felt sense of your body. The memory of maybe today or yesterday, an occasion where some mishap happened. Maybe you were a little less patient than normal with yourself. Maybe you were impatient. Maybe a judgmental mind arose, or any other version of it for you.

Gently, ever so gently, without getting off-kilter. If you get off-kilter, let it go. Keeping a sense of calm, bring this memory to your body, the felt sense of it. Maybe you were berating yourself, chastising yourself, your body, your memory, your emotions. Ever so slightly—it doesn't have to be a big, huge emotion, but just a little bit of that flavor, which can feel like a tightness in the heart. Feeling the contraction, maybe in the body, the heart.

And now, having a felt sense of this memory while feeling embodied, do a redo in your body, in your heart, the felt sense. While this feeling, this memory comes up, maybe there's the aikido move of patience with yourself, an extra dose of patience. Maybe you joked with yourself: "Oh, sweetheart, it's okay. You're getting the hang of this being-a-human thing. It's okay. Yeah, it's challenging. It's okay. Given all the causes and conditions, this is the best outcome for this moment, for your body, for your heart, for your mind. It's okay. It's all right."

Whatever the situation was, the sense of "could have, should have, would have," feel the tightness and then see what arises. This aikido move, redirecting the energy of patience: "It's okay. Patience with this body; it's doing the best it can. Patience with this mind that is doing the best it can."

See what might arise in your heart and your body. Notice. Is there more settling, more peace, more ease? More energy available? More kindness available? And is there more uprightness, more aspiration available? "Yes, sweetheart, it's okay. Patience, patience." More energy for a different outcome next time—a more kind, more wise, more wholesome outcome next time.

Now, if you wish, you can stay with this feeling of spaciousness. Or, if you like, again feeling your body on the cushion or the chair, your breath, feeling embodied, and opening up the heart, the body again. Maybe this time inviting a memory of a time in recent times when you were a little bit impatient—not as patient as you would have wished with someone else. Maybe it wasn't even so overt. Maybe you didn't even lose your temper, but in your own mind you knew that you were a little impatient. Like, "Okay," wanting them to see the point, or get it, or do something, or not do something. Aware of this internal impatience.

Feel, really, a little bit—if it's okay, if it's not overwhelming—let yourself feel that contraction a bit in the body. Just the contraction of impatience. Lack of patience doesn't feel so good, does it? It feels like it sucks the air out of the room, sucks the air out of your lungs.

Now relax, and let's do a redo in our minds and our hearts. This is happening in our memory. Ah, we're being patient, fully patient. They're doing the best they can, this being, with the causes and conditions of their background, their upbringing, their experience, their genetics. Who they are. They're getting the hang of this being-a-human thing just like I am. I can give them space to figure it out in their own time. And give them the gift of patience. Give myself the gift of patience.

See how your heart might feel. Is the contraction loosened? Does it melt? Is there more ease? Offering yourself, this other being, the gift of patience. And if there's impatience present—like "It's not working"—can you be patient with the lack of patience? "It's okay, I'm getting the hang of this being-a-human thing too."

Offering them patience, maybe yourself too. See how soothing, calming, healing this can feel. Notice how, with more patience towards others, we can be more supportive, more wise in our actions towards them. More kind. It frees up energy for wisdom. Patience frees up energy for kindness and wisdom.

Can there be patience with whatever is arising in this moment? Boredom, agitation, distraction. Not acquiescence, but patience. Patience has an uprightness to it, a morality that acquiescence doesn't. See for yourself.

And as we bring this practice period to an end together, can we offer patience to our hearts in our aspirations to awaken, to be wiser and kinder? Patience paves the path. Offering ourselves patience as a gift of kindness to enable wisdom. And may our patience, may our cultivation of goodness, be a cause and condition for kindness, awakening, and goodness all around the world, for all beings everywhere. May they be patient with themselves, patient with others all around, for those who are like them or those who are different. Patience, patience, patience. May all beings everywhere be free, including ourselves.

Thank you all. Thank you for your practice. In praise of patience.

Happy Hour: Patience Paves the Path

Reflections

So, time for reflections. What might have come up for you? If you would like to share for the benefit of others—your aha moments, maybe your questions, your challenges—we offer these as gifts to others. So, any reflections, any questions, comments in praise of patience, or maybe more specific? You can always type in chat. If you type to me privately, I will read your reflection but not your name, so it will be private. If you type to everyone, I'll read your name and your reflection. You can also raise your Zoom hand.

Richard.

Richard: Hi. I wondered if patience extends to giving yourself time enough to do some practice you know you want to do. Let's say, you want to sit for 45 minutes instead of five minutes, rather than get antsy and cut it short.

Nikki Mirghafori: Yeah, exactly. Yes. Tell me more.

Richard: Well, it's sort of easy to say, "Oh, I know I'm progressing slowly," but I'm easily distracted—not in the sense of thinking of something, but wanting to do something else. And I need to do one thing for long enough before I drop it and do something else.

Nikki Mirghafori: Well said. That's exactly right. Given that you have the aspiration, just as you said, to awaken, and you sit, and after five minutes there's this feeling of, "Okay, I've got to do this other thing. Oh yeah, that's more important." Wait a minute, dear. What's your highest aspiration? What's really important to you, right? Can you bring patience there? This beautiful quality—can I be patient with this agitation? Because maybe what's really underneath wanting to get up and do something else is a sense of agitation. Can I be patient with myself? Or maybe a different framing, as you were saying, a sense of patience: "Okay, I'm just going to be patient with me walking this path. I'm going to be patient and actually give it time, not just give it five minutes." But it's also fully engaged with whatever that thing is.

Richard: Yeah, exactly. Patience is fully engaged.

Nikki Mirghafori: Yeah, patience is fully engaged. Resignation is not engaged. That's another thing to explore. Patience is fully engaged. Thank you, Richard.

Here are other reflections. Bill says, "It seems to me that patience and love are closely related." Yes, indeed. Exactly. Thank you for that.

Mary says, "I love the reminder: patience paves the path." You're welcome. Yes, patience paves the path. It is engaged, active engagement with ourselves and with others.

Pepper says, "Patience and acceptance are also related." Yes, definitely. They're both related, and a little different, the same way that patience and love are related. I think of these as Venn diagrams. You have these circles that define a particular entity, so patience and acceptance have areas that are in common, but of course, there are other aspects to them. In many ways, patience requires a level of acceptance that "Yes, this is how things are right now." And how can I hold this? With uprightness, with spaciousness, with goodwill, and with steadiness. There's a steadiness also in patience that's part of it. It's really fun to explore these qualities in the body and the mind. I'm loving how all of you have been, and how the comments are coming, feeling them in your body and mind.

So, I'll invite you now to the small breakout rooms. The invitation for the practice together is, first of all, showing up with patience for yourselves, and a quality of patience for others, which again has both love and acceptance in it, as observed. Each person will say one nugget—just one thing. It could be about this practice today, or it could be about your relationship with patience in general. Does it come easily? Does it seem like a challenge? What nuance have you explored or observed today as you were playing around with it? Each person will say one nugget, and then the next person will say another nugget, and it will go around a few times. Let's go in alphabetical order according to first names. If you wish, you can also offer silence, say "pass", and just hold compassionate presence. That's perfectly okay. I'm going to open the rooms now. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, be kind. Here we go.

Okay, welcome back, everyone. The rooms are closed, and we have a couple of minutes if any reflections came up from your conversations in the rooms together. You're welcome to raise your hand if you would, or type in chat. Questions, reflections... How was it to be in a room and discuss patience with one another? What did you discover? Such a juicy topic. I see some smiles. "I'll be patient with you... I am patient, take your time."

Fred, please.

Fred: Well, we discussed, among other things, being on the phone to AT&T. [Laughter] To me, that was just the perfect obstacle, the perfect learning situation—how to hang in there and maybe get what you want, but not make it worse.

Nikki Mirghafori: Yeah, that's exactly right. Thank you, Fred. That's a great example, and we all go through examples like that. I appreciate that.

Barbara, please. Oops, you're still muted. Ah, there.

Barbara: I have a similar example. I live on an island that has a drawbridge. For the first time in the year and a half I've lived on the island, I went to leave, and the traffic wasn't moving. We were backed up for blocks this way and that way. You could see people that were unaware of it were getting really worked up, and those that know that the drawbridge is up were just sort of relaxing. You know, none of us were going to get across the bridge any faster by getting all worked up.

Nikki Mirghafori: That's exactly right. An opportunity for patience, for exercising, practicing. Thank you for that.

There's one reflection privately that "It's hard when someone takes up the whole time; seems to be happening a lot lately." I appreciate that. Even though there's an invitation that each person will just say a nugget and pass it on, it may not always happen that way. Especially with the topic tonight, it's a perfect opportunity to be patient with one another. "It's okay if I don't say something tonight; I can exercise patience." That was the invitation anyway: "Can you show up with patience for each other and yourself?" If you did that, yeah, you just succeeded. Even if you didn't get a word in edgewise! Yay, then you've practiced perfectly with metta and patience.

Thank you all. It's lovely to practice with you. Whatever we do, as long as we bring kindness to it, it's part of this practice. I appreciate you showing up. You're cultivating your heart for the purpose of serving yourself and all beings everywhere. May all beings be safe. May all beings be free, including ourselves.

Great, thank you all. I will be traveling this next week, so you'll have some wonderful other supportive teachers who will be supporting the sangha^[4] in the coming days.