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Happy Hour: Metta as Embodied, Patient Interest

Introduction

A warm welcome to you all to Happy Hour. Lovely to be with you, to feel your presence in cyberspace in this moment in time. The theme for our practice today, I'd like to invite us to explore, is the sense of interest, investigation, and curiosity for resistance.

Something very specific I'm pointing to, let me unpack that. This practice I want to invite us to explore and pay close attention to, it's not about thinking about the past or the future or circumstances in life. It's not a lot of thinking; it's not a thinking practice. What it is, it's about what is arising in this moment right here, right now in our bodies, in our hearts, in the emotional space, in the experiential space. It's not so much spinning out and thinking about things, but what is felt, what is known. And then noticing if there is resistance, if there is a pushing away of reality, how it presents itself right now.

There could be some, say, unpleasantness in the body, unpleasantness in the emotional space, and in the thought space too. But again, present moment: let it be felt in the body, and then being curious, being really gently, lovingly curious about that resistance, about that pushing away.

This curiosity is not about pushing away the pushing away. It's not about adding aversion to aversion, which gives it more power and doesn't solve anything. But it's about releasing, or one might say, healing these nooks and crannies and edges of our hearts and minds that often hide. They often hide because we just push it away, we resist it. We don't want it to be this way, and then we fall into thinking, habitual patterns, problem-solving: "Okay, how do I do this? How do I shift and change my life, my relationships, my this, my that?" It becomes tight. But to actually feel into what is, what is the edge here? And can we, even if we don't like it, even if we don't like how things are right now, can we release into it with curiosity, with love, with interest, with care? Care and interest are synonymous to love and metta^[1]. It's a sense of being undefended, the sense of being open to what is arising in the experiential field and letting it teach us.

Letting it teach us what needs to be known in this moment. This practice takes patience. It's not, "Okay, I have an insight, I just let go into it, I know exactly what to do." It takes patience. It actually trains us in patience, in non-reactivity.

I'll say that again, it trains us in the value of patience, in khanti^[2], and non-reactivity. Khanti, this beautiful word for patience in the ten perfections, the ten pāramīs^[3] in Buddhism. It is a sense of patience with an opening to it. It's not resigning, it's not giving in, it's not giving up, but there's a sense of aliveness. There's an aliveness of curiosity, an aliveness of interest for right here, right now, which becomes the leading edge of our growth. The insight-producing edge of where we haven't been before in our psyche, in our minds, in our hearts, in our humanity—just being patient. Because if we get to difficulty and we go into habitual patterns of resistance, we don't like it, how do we fix it? We're doing the same thing over and over and over again, like this karmic knot that maybe we have, and we keep just tightening it further and further.

But having gentle, loving curiosity, releasing into it, and being patient lovingly for ourselves, for what is arising—this can be transformative. It can be the way into loving what is. Opening the door into further being fully, perhaps becoming—maybe I'll use that—becoming yourselves more fully.

So maybe what I'm teaching or what I've just taught seems conceptual, seems complicated. I hope it isn't because I'm giving very specific and clear instructions, and I do see some of you taking notes, which is great because this is a step-by-step direction.

If it seems heady, don't worry about it; I'll lead us into a guided meditation for us to explore. But one thing to remember, just to simplify, one thing to remember: whatever arises in this moment—not future, not past, not thinking—if there's a story, let go of the story right away. Come back. Let go of the story, come back to the feeling in the heart, in the mind, and gently explore, gently open to with curiosity. You don't have to think about it, it's not thinking, but just being with what happens. If you just sit with it, sit with what is arising, let it teach you whatever it needs to teach you. Maybe the lesson takes days or weeks, but it is worth staying with. All right, let's give it a try. Let's practice together.

Guided Meditation

So I'd like to invite you to land in your body in this moment. Here. Here. Letting go, letting go of whatever has come before. Letting go of even thinking about what tonight's theme is about. Just let go, arriving here in this moment. The simplicity of this body breathing. Just breathing in, breathing out.

Let the breath be nourishing in the body, connecting you to your feet and the earth. The breath moving through the lower abdomen. Letting go, letting go if thoughts arise. Thanking them for coming and saying "not now," gently, ever so gently. Landing, landing in this body with this breath. Refuge. Taking refuge. Just this breath, this body.

Let awareness connect with the in-breath, with the entirety of the in-breath. The entirety of the out-breath. In your sit bones to ground you. Now spending a few minutes feeling your sit bones, your bottom on the cushion. Being breathed. To your hands, your feet, your whole body. In-breath, out-breath.

Let the breath be calming, soothing. And can each breath, in-breath and out-breath, be comforting? As if you were breathing in kindness, breathing out kindness. Letting goodwill fill your lungs, fill your abdomen, to your whole body. A sense of care for this body. Calming, soothing any anxiety, stress, difficulty.

Letting go, letting go. Letting go of whatever is not helpful in this moment. Letting the in-breath bring in kindness, goodwill, soothing into your heart. Gentleness, ease into the body. And let each out-breath, breathing out kindness, breathing out goodwill, around you, all around you, into the space around you. So that with each breath, your body, your mind, your heart is permeated with goodwill. And with each out-breath, breathe out all around you.

And don't try too hard, don't try to control, just let it be happening. It's already happening. Every single one of us has goodness inside us. Trust it. Trust this goodness that receives care from the universe and breathes it out. In-breath and out-breath.

That whatever difficulty is arising, perhaps in the body or in the mind right now, let it be infused with the breath, with kindness. Relaxing, releasing with each in-breath, with each out-breath.

And now you can stay with the breath. Breathing in, breathing out, metta into the body, the heart, the mind. Maybe that's what is needed today. Maybe that's all that is needed right now, and if so, trust it. Continue to be nourished and healed in this way, to benefit yourself and all others.

And if you'd like to take on the suggestions, you're welcome to, and yet let them be from your body, following them with your heart, not with your head. These invitations are not to think about, but to explore in your lived experience. So feeling your breath in your body, your abdomen and your heart center, and your feet, and your hands, and your shoulders. Feeling embodied. Invite your heart to open up, to relax into whatever is arising right now in this moment in the body. If there is an emotion, a body sensation, a feeling—if it's a story, let it go. If it's a story, let it go, come back to the body. Open up to the felt sense in the body. See if there can be some gentle, kind curiosity. Interest. Not resisting whatever is here, even if it's challenging or difficult. That sense of grandmotherly mind: "Tell me everything, child. Tell me everything."

Your heart, your mind opening. This challenge in the body, the heart, in the mind—not the story, not the story, but to be known as a felt sense, without resistance. Just breathe and be patient. Making more space in your heart.

Maybe it's a headache. Let it be just as it is. Not to fix it, push it away, just breathe with it. Gently opening up. It's a very subtle interest, interest synonymous with love. Expansively hold whatever is happening. Give it space. Fashioning a new pattern, a new way of being. A new way of being with what may be challenging. Just breathe, be breathed, be with what is arising, without an agenda.

This sense of open curiosity, gentle allowing, being with, is synonymous with metta. With care in the deepest sense. Not pushing away, fixing, but really deeply making space with a huge breath for what is. And you don't have to get answers. Simply with humility, sit with interest and care.

And for the last minutes of this practice period, letting there be a radical acceptance of whatever arose or did not arise in this practice period. Opening the doors of your heart as if embracing a big hug. Thank you for sitting. Thank you for showing up for yourself. Hugging yourself with your own care, with your own metta. Regardless of what happened or did not happen, you showed up, you did your best. Let this be a moment of radical acceptance and care. Patience, interest, love.

And may our cultivation of care, interest, care for ourselves and for others... the way we can sit for our own challenges we can offer to others. Not trying to fix, make it go away, because we are uncomfortable with our own suffering, but to make space with care, curiosity, and patience. May our cultivation be of service to all beings everywhere, including ourselves. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free. Thank you all, thank you for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

So invitations to be: to let go of the story, to open up with curiosity, interest, patience, and radical acceptance of what arises in the heart and in the body, to fashion a new way of being with what arises. So we have time and space for a reflection or two. You can raise your Zoom hand. You can also type in chat. If it's typed to me privately, I will only read your reflection, not your name. If it's typed to everyone, I'll read your name also. Any aha moments, any questions about this practice? Maybe something opened up for you that was unexpected, or maybe it was challenging, or maybe you were not clear as to what to do.

One reflection privately to me: "Absolutely beautiful." I'm delighted to hear that. And if you are moved to share what came up for you for the benefit of the sangha^[4], I invite you, but don't feel compelled. You can type it in chat privately if you like.

Maybe we're all very quiet right now. So tell you what, if there aren't any reflections right now... Jerry, I'll make space. Please, Jerry.

Jerry: Thanks. I guess I was finding it... I was trying to understand what was different from what I would normally do in terms of... I did try to follow your directions, so I was happy when you said, "Oh well, let's go and try to do some meditation." And so I was just trying to understand what was to be different in this meditation from others. So perhaps I'm a bit simple here, but I just didn't get what was the difference.

Nikki: Ah, well, maybe this is what you usually do. I don't know what it is you usually do, Jerry, so I can't answer that question. I wish I could be in your mind and I could read your mind, it would be fun if I were a mind reader, but I don't know, so it's for you to discover, my dear. How's that Zen answer?

Jerry: It's true. Thanks.

Nikki: Thank you, Jerry.

A couple of reflections, I'll read them and then we'll go into groups. Let's see here. One person says, "The best I was able to do is to bring my attention back to the breath. There was so much chatter in my mind." No problem, just bringing attention back to the breath is beautiful practice. Especially appropriate if there's a lot of chatter. Just call it, "Oh, this is chattery Buddha, this is busy mind Buddha." It's okay, no judgment.

Another person says, "So awesome not to be with inner critic. Metta and loving kindness to you." Ah, to you as well.

Another reflection: "Aligns closely with where I've been trying to go." Beautiful.

Another reflection: "I've enjoyed this practice. Tried standing quietly which kept me alert and in my body." Great, beautiful. I'm glad that you tried to stand up, take care of your body, your sleepiness. Very skillful to do that, keep yourself alert and in the body. Beautiful. Thank you for all those practice reports. I so appreciate them, one after another. Great.

So dear ones, let's turn to practicing in community. And the reflection, the invitation as always, is to first take care of yourselves, take care of each other with kindness in the breakout groups. Maybe going in reverse alphabetical order. And the prompt tonight is: with this practice, is there something that you perhaps explored that seemed different for you, opened up, or maybe not? It was similar. Or maybe you don't know. It could just be the question of "I don't know." And what particularly about the steps that we went through, if anything, was new to you, or is this what you usually do? Which of those steps really lights you up, is really opening for you? Is it the letting go of the stories? Is it the being with curiosity, staying in your body? It could be all of them, but maybe being clear about one helps you be witnessed by others. Each person can offer a nugget. It could be "I don't know," it could be "I pass right now, the next person will offer a nugget." The next person will offer a nugget, and we'll go round and round a few times. Make sure everybody has a chance to share and be witnessed. So please take care of each other, take care of yourselves, and it's going to take me another minute to finish creating these rooms. Please be patient with me. I'm taking a long breath. Here we go. Okay, I think I have them. Okay, here we go. Take care of each other, take care of yourselves.

[Breakout sessions occur]

Okay. All right, so the rooms are all closed, everybody is back, and we've got just about a couple of minutes for any reflections, what might have come up in the rooms. Any aha moments, questions? Mary.

Mary: So, a question. I experienced a lot of physical agitation and mental agitation and, you know, emotions that just felt like they were overtaking me and my body. It wasn't a decision, my body—I'm in a swivel chair—and my body just turned. And then I settled back down and it was more doable. And I guess my question is, is that skillful or unskillful, and should I stay with what feels like terror?

Nikki: Yeah, yeah. Thank you for sharing that, Mary. And listening to it, let me reflect back to you what I heard, because I think the answer is already there. So you said that when you were just being assailed, and it was with, let's say, Mara^[5], you were assailed with all these thoughts, like the trickster Mara in Buddhism is the trickster with all these thoughts. And then your body—so it wasn't so much what I heard you say wasn't the decision like, "Okay, Mary, now let's turn." It's like your body just like, "Okay, this is what we're doing now, Mary, I'm gonna take you for a ride." Like, oh, different perspective! Right? That's what I heard you say, Mary.

Mary: It was definitely the body.

Nikki: There you go! So trust the wisdom of the body. And there's a lot of wisdom in this shift. It's like, you know when you're in a funk, the best medicine is to go for a walk. Like, get out, go for a walk. Right? Let your body take you for a walk, and you walk around like, "Oh yeah, different perspective." So the wisdom of the body is like, "All right, darling, turn around." Like, "Okay, different perspective." So beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing that. Thank you.

Mary: Thank you. That's great.

Nikki: Yeah, so it's time, dear ones. Thank you so much for your practice. Thank you for sharing yourselves with each other, all beings everywhere. And may our practice together be a cause and condition for waking up for ourselves, for all beings. May all beings be safe. May all beings be happy.