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Happy Hour: Resting in Friendly Awareness

Introduction

Welcome. For the theme for this evening's practice together, what's coming up for me as relevant is holding presence. In the way of holding witness, holding presence for whatever is arising. Holding presence, being present for your own life in this moment, having this front-row seat in this unusual, unprecedented time. Having a sense of presence imbued with openness, curiosity, and kindness to embrace whatever is arising in this wild journey of being human.

This wild journey of being human is not always pleasant. It is the First Noble Truth^[1]: there is suffering. There are challenges in life. Being human, having this body, being alive is not a piece of cake. It's pretty much well known. It's the First Noble Truth in Buddhism, and in many traditions, it is known. It's not that you're doing something wrong; it's just a part of being human.

Things aren't reliable. Things go according to their own plan, which is often difficult and different from what you had planned personally. But can we be present for the ups and downs? Whatever shows up, can we be fully, stably present for our own life? Not wishing it away, not wishing to be somewhere else, not wishing to tune out, but to be fully, fully present. By actually turning fully towards it, really attending to whatever is arising in our hearts and our minds, in our awareness, we realize that perspective in fact changes our experience. Our relationship changes, perhaps from what might have been fear and avoidance to a sense of presence and courage. Being with a sense of opening up tenderly, with care, with compassion. It all starts from presence—being present and not turning away.

I also want to say that to be present with difficulty doesn't have to be a pushing or a "shoulding." When things are very challenging or difficult, we don't have to push our nose into the challenge all the time, thinking, "I'm supposed to be with this, I'm supposed to be with this to practice, to be a good practitioner." I think that's interpreting the idea of presence a little too tightly. I've heard that from some of my students sometimes, that it just gets tough and it feels like, "Okay, I have to sit with this again. It's been a hard day, week, or month, and I have to sit with this." So the invitation for practice is not that either.

The idea is to invite sitting within the web. Presence can be offered to what is difficult, but if it's only offered to what's difficult, we get withered. Our minds get tired, exhausted, and rightfully so, because being with what's difficult all the time doesn't nourish us. So we also need to have presence for what's good, what's right, and what's nourishing—what we often ignore in our hearts and mind, in our bodies, and in our life. When I say presence, it doesn't just mean being present with what's difficult; it's also being present with what's good. But we start by tapping into a sense of presence and openness to what's arising. Having said enough as an invitation, it's time for us to get into our meditation together—the fun part.

Guided Meditation

I invite you to get comfortable. If you need to move, landing in your seat or in your chair.

Arriving in yourself. Maybe greeting yourself internally: "Hello, dear one." Greeting yourself kindly, as if you would greet someone you really, really care about. "Hello, sweetie. Nice to be with you. Really be with you in this moment."

Maybe throughout the day, there have been so many moments you've attended to other things, other people, other needs. Now, turning to this being that is you. Maybe even smiling at yourself. Starting with a smile, softening, relaxing. As if you're putting your feet up, letting your hair down, or whatever metaphor works for you—just relaxing at the end of the day. Attending to this being that is you, whom you are the first and foremost guardian of.

Landing in this body in this moment.

Allowing the breath to be received and settling in, calming this body and mind with each and every in-breath and out-breath.

If thoughts, emotions, memories, or self-judgments come up in this moment, let them be faint. Don't give them the loudspeaker. Let them come and go; you don't have to believe them. You might choose to say a gentle, "Thank you, not now," and offer yourself, your body, your breath, your kind awareness, your loving awareness.

With each in-breath, letting there be more awareness, more presence, more alertness. And with each out-breath, letting there be more ease, letting go, landing in your body.

Allowing the breath to fill you out, as if you were getting more inflated. The areas of your body being more filled out, the breath bringing awareness into your feet, in your legs. Together with the breath, filling out your sit bones, your bottom—places there may not have been awareness of the sensations of your body. Your hands, your arms, your abdomen, your chest. Throughout this practice period, becoming more filled out, more inflated. Maybe before, awareness or presence was sagging, like a pop-up doll that was only half inflated. Letting each breath inflate this body more with awareness: your neck, shoulders, your face, your head. Noticing for yourself all the little places, all the little cells throughout your body coming to life, being filled with the breath, with awareness, with sensation. Let it be easy, full—not pushing or trying too hard. See that it's happening on its own. You set the intention, and it just happens on its own.

As awareness is inflating and filling up your senses, tune into the pleasantness with interest, curiosity, and a sense of play. Presence and interest in the pleasantness that comes naturally in the little moments when we turn the attention inward. Nourishing, soothing, calming.

Now, as awareness has been filling the body with more sensations and more presence, I invite you to have a sense of resting. A non-doing. The phrase is "resting in awareness." Let's start with resting. It's a non-doing. Resting, allowing the breath to move on its own. Allowing things to be just as they are. Appreciating that awareness is here all by itself. It can't be turned off; it's ever-present. Can there be a sense of ease and relaxation? As if you're lying down resting, watching blue skies. Being aware of the clouds coming and going. Being aware of the sensations of the field of grass touching your body, the birds singing, the sun on your face. The same feeling of resting.

Resting in the knowing. The knowing of the coming and going of sensations in the body in this moment. The knowing of the breath as it moves on its own. Relaxing, resting, letting whatever needs to be known be known—sounds, thoughts arising and passing. A sense of spaciousness, while still embodied, still in this body that's inflated and full. It's full with awareness, and the fullness of awareness of the body allows us to be aware of everything that arises and passes. Sounds, thoughts, emotions, attitudes—fully present, not reactive.

If at any point the comings and goings feel too overwhelming—too many of them—relax and rest in just the awareness of the breath and the body as the refuge. Keep it very simple.

Let this resting be nourishing. Resting is nourishing; awareness is nourishing. See how relaxing and resting in a sense of presence—simply aware of what arises and passes without plans or expectations—can be nourishing. See how it can also have a sense of warmth. This attitude of openness and invitation naturally has a sense of friendliness, and once imbued in it, this resting in awareness is resting in friendliness with experience.

Friendliness, as in you're not closing the doors of your awareness. Like a friendly host, the doors are open. Every guest can come and go. Every guest is welcome. There is so much spaciousness in the room of your heart, the home of your heart, there is no need for reactivity. Perhaps even if reactivity comes, it's just another guest that will come and go. No need to get reactive about reactivity.

For the last moments of this practice period, notice if a sense of friendliness with experience can be breathed in more fully to fill your heart and body. Friendliness with yourself, friendliness with this body no matter what, with this heart, with this mind, no matter what.

Letting friendliness fill out those corners that are a little tight or collapsed, perhaps that can use a little more air. And if there are judgments arising for how this practice period was or wasn't, let there be friendliness in the space and the awareness that knows and acknowledges this self-judgment. It just arises and passes. What passes away is that getting stuck, like a light breeze that comes and goes. Appreciating yourself for having shown up, having tried.

Reflections

Filling ourselves with awareness, with kindness, with the nourishment of awareness, with the nourishment of friendliness turned internal, allows us to have a sense of presence in the world that is friendly. It would be lovely if you are moved to share maybe a word of what's coming up for you. You can type it in the chat if you wish, or unmute yourself.

I'll start. What's arising for me right now is a sense of ease—a lot more ease and settledness in presence. I'm almost more sleepy; I think in resting in awareness, I was really resting.

Anything you'd like to share, if you wish, it can just be a word.

Student Responses (Chat): "Calm." "Coziness." "Sweet dreams, sleepy." "Non-judgmental, grounded, beautiful, lovely."

Thank you, Wendy. Yeah, "coziness," lovely. Nice, "sweet dreams, sleepy." Great contrast: "non-judgmental," "grounded," "beautiful," "lovely."

It always makes me glad, makes me happy to read the one-word reflections, and I feel it's also supportive of the space to bring them into our practice. Everything is welcome. If you feel more anxious, you can bring that in too—no part left out. So don't feel like it just has to be calm and grounded, and all great. Everything is welcome.

This is the time, as part of Happy Hour, the invitation for the practice is to move into interactive practice and take what we have practiced internally with our eyes closed to practice with another couple of beings.

As the invitation was to have a sense of presence and a sense of friendliness, now we turn that and say we can hold that and listen deeply for a couple of minutes to another human being with a sense of friendliness and presence. What does that feel like? And also, what does it feel like to be held in the same way with presence and friendliness when we share?

The prompt is simple: How are you right now? What's coming up for you? There's no right or wrong answer. You can say, "I spaced out the whole meditation, it was terrible," or "I loved it." It doesn't matter what you say; it's all held with this friendliness, which is part of this practice.

If you're on the edge, if you're not quite sure if you want to participate or not, I invite you to give it a try. A lot of people say, "Oh, I wanted to hop off"—actually, somebody was just saying that last time I taught—"I wanted to pause and not participate in the interactive practice, and I'm so glad I did because miracles really happened during the interaction." If still tonight you feel it's not for you, it will be about a total of maybe six minutes. If it's not for you, it's perfectly fine to bow out right now, all good. I'm going to make the breakout rooms now. Each person will be speaking for about a minute and a half.

[Breakout sessions occur]

Okay, I'm opening all the rooms. We have just a few minutes, and if you would like to unmute yourself to share a reflection or a question about the practice. Either the first practice—resting in awareness, filling your heart and body up with a sense of awareness with the breath, and seeing that awareness and kindness are imbued together, how that is for you—or the second part, the interactive practice. Any questions, comments, or complaints, please.

Student: Well, I loved it. It was easy to go along with the expanding, and it was just... it was perfect.

Nikki Mirghafori: Great, thank you. I appreciate hearing that the flow really worked for you. The expansion, the sense of getting inflated... yeah, lovely. We have comments from Helen, "I always appreciate the little interaction, thank you." Beautiful. Thank you, Helen, thank you for your reflection, I appreciate that. Any other reflections, please?

Student: I realized that the thing that I've been missing with isolation is... the way I interact with people is often very playful. I like to bring—even if I'm a counselor, so I deal with darkness and challenges—I like to bring a lot of goofy moments, joyful moments. I haven't been able to create that as much with myself or through telecounseling^[2]. But I'm wondering, now that I realize that's been missing for a few months in my life, if I can bring it along with facing the deep challenges that we have. Also remembering there's a big piece of me that's goofy, and I need to kind of let it out. So that's really what came to mind, which was a really great insight.

Nikki Mirghafori: Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that. What I'm hearing you share with that insight is realizing that there's been so much of the challenges that you've been turning your attention to. Realizing that there is more—there is the goofiness, there is the joy, there is the happiness. All that is nourishing, that needs attention and awareness too. Let's not forget about that. How can I continue to nourish myself? Really, it's part of the joy of life. If we just face the challenges, it's always a mix. Beautiful. It makes me happy to know and to hear that reflection came up for you. Enjoy, let your goofiness shine and nourish you and others. Yay! Beautiful, yes, you're calling in from Oahu, I see. Thank you.

It's seven o'clock, and I want to thank you all for coming, showing up for yourself or others, and practicing together, supporting each other in this way. May we all be safe and happy. Let our joy, our goofy sides shine. May we have presence and kindness for ourselves, and may the merit of our practice be of benefit to all beings everywhere. Thank you all. Lovely to see you. Take care, good night wherever you are. Thank you again.